The New York Times Moderationist Magazine

Special edition for people who know if we can just get everybody together etc.

Forward to 1992: The Get Along Caucus On The March

Rep. Jerry Sunshine (D-CT) has been re-elected 28 times preaching the same message of moderation, yet it seems many of his Democratic colleagues are throwing away their chances of holding the House and Senate in 2022 by following the radical policies of Joe Biden and Nancy Pelosi. “I just don’t understand it,” Sunshine tells us over a Chick-fil-a sandwich at a Connecticut Turnpike rest stop. “Bill Clinton was a very popular president, and would be still if it weren’t for the excesses of the Me-Too movement and his unpopular left-wing wife.” Sunshine has been known to tell people that he wrote in Paul Tsongas for President in 2016 as a protest against the radical drift of his party, and with the two dozen other members of the Get-Along Caucus he hopes to persuade the leadership to evade “woke” disaster by taking pages from the DLC playbook. “The Democrats desperately need a new Sister Souljah,” he says. “I have a binder full of obnoxious trans people who lunch-bucket Democrats would love to see Joe Biden take a shit on. But I can’t get Karine Jean-Paul or whatever her name is to even take my calls. Why can’t Democrats get out of their own way?” Special guest appearance from the mummified remains of James Carville.

When You’re Running Down J.K. Rowling, Sister, You’re Walkin’ On The Fightin’ Side of Me

Yadda yadda abortion raped 10-year-olds yadda yadda but you know what’s at least as bad? “Pregnant people,” “menstruators,” “bodies with vaginas,” and all those Orwellian terms that make me, as a (admittedly reluctant and conflicted) feminist, wonder why we women should let the Democrat Party take advantage of us and presume upon our support as if we were black. This “liberal” publication would never let me say the N-word but “TERF” is perfectly fine, apparently, though at least half of the 1,429 people who know what it means feel it like a knife in their uterus (and I mean a female uterus!) whenever they are slurred and smeared by it. Consider that in the real world, most violence against trans men and women is committed by men but, in the online world and in the academy, most of the ire at those who balk at this new gender ideology seems to be directed at women. So, I ask: Why should women take the rap for the trannies? Time was I would argue with my ex-husband Bret Stephens about abortion politics; I would say abortion, while safe, legal, and rare, is important to our bodily autonomy, and he would laugh and tell me to fix him another drink. I thought I had the better of the argument then, but now I’m not so sure I should not have fixed him another drink, if I knew things were going to turn out like this!

The Cancelculture Dinner Party Trend That Sweeping Academia

You’ve read about how, in the face of the cancellation of her devoted husband and former professor Joshua Katz by Princeton on bogus “improper relationship” charges, the brilliant and luscious Solveig Gold bravely defied the SJWs with a glittering soirée at their luxurious 19th-Century home. What was a lone, boldly cocked snook at the woke administration and sexual misconduct accusers of one school has effulged into a must-do for every well-heeled academic cancelee: an ornate regale covered by the New York Times, and attended by extreme far-right lunatics whom the Times merely identifies as prominent free-thinking professors. For example, a few weeks after Egyptologist Roger “Dash” Riproche was dismissed by Dartmouth for assailing a black waiter as a “goddamn stupid jungle bunny” — ironically, while Riproche paid the ultimate price for this gaffe, the student who surreptitiously videoed it got off with expulsion — his wife Hesione Gemiglia-Humpp, a stunning redhead whom the former professor (now R .J. Rushdoony chair at the Claremont Institute) met while married to her junior high school history teacher, held a splendid fete on the grounds of The Demesne, their rural New Hampshire estate. Among the invitees were Harvard professor Claymore Blitzenshtück, author of Vote FORFEIT by Reason of Sub-Humanity, and Republican Congressional candidate Ivan Bloodwort, a Nazi. No doubt America’s best families will be “at home” when the cancelcultured cloth-ears’ dinner invitations arrive! Hope they have a strong stomach.