This is hardcore, part infinity

The latest rightwing email crap from the internet mines

As we have observed in the past, Rightwing Grandpa is clicking links from his trusted email newsletters again.

Daily Headlines: “BOOM! Irate Veteran Steps In After Muslim Leads Prayer Against ‘Infidels’ In The Senate.”

U.S. veteran Dave Lawson could not hold his tongue at a Senate meeting this week when members of the council had the nerve to allow a couple of Muslims recite their garbage in front of everyone at the start of the meeting. Once Dave noticed everyone bowing their heads to a false god, he could no longer take it and took a stand against the abomination taking place in the chambers.

Eventually the article gives hints that this is not from the U.S. Senate but from the state senate of Delaware, but Daily Headlines never straight-out tells Grandpa this, nor does it inform him that the incident took place in 2017, so Grandpa is itching to tell his spoiled brat socialist grandkids, “LOL I BET THAT SENATOR POCAHONTAS AND ALEXANDRA WHATSHERNAME THE PORTO RICKAN FELL OVER WHEN THEY HEARD THIS.” Here's how a different news source, local news station WDEL, reported the incident:

Two representatives from the Tarbiyah Mosque in Newark were invited to Wednesday's session to deliver the prayer, beginning with a chant in Arabic before a reading a prayer in English that was based on a Quranic verse but deleted references to Allah.

Republican senators Dave Lawson and Colin Bonini walked out of the chamber before the prayer was given.

Lawson then rose afterward to speak, calling what happened “despicable.”

Democratic President Pro Tem David McBride later took Lawson to task, saying he was personally offended that the Muslim guests would not feel welcomed.

Daily Headlines provides more of the speech by Lawson, a nut, than WDEL did, possibly because, unlike WDEL, they don’t mind if their readers become homicidally inflamed. “I fought for this country,” raves Lawson, “not to be damned by someone that comes in here and prays to their God for our demise. I think that’s despicable.” Daily Headlines then reports:

Naveed Baqir, one of the Muslims who performed a prayer, decided to manipulate the conversation and called Lawson’s accusations “textbook Islamophobia.”

Those tricky Muslims, thinks Grandpa, shaking his head — twisting the veteran’s words like that! Daily Headlines then fills the remainder of the article with Bloodthirsty Koran Hits and by the end Grandpa is so mad at Muslims he thinks he ought to take a lie-down, but first he wants to read this other one that looks educational:


Europe once was a fantastic place to visit for vacations. From medieval castles to historical relics people traveled across the continent learning about the different cultures and trying new cuisines. Unfortunately, that is changing at a rapid pace thanks to leftist governments that are determined to spread “multiculturalism” across their lands.

Grandpa remembers: That’s just like what Trump’s buddy said about Paris! What was his name? Joe? Jack? John? Jim? Jake? One of those good American names. Too bad about Europe, thinks Grandpa, but it never looked very clean anyway, and now it’s full of murderous Muslims; we’ll have to built a wall to keep them out next. Fortress America — was that one of Trump’s, or some other parrot? Patriot, he meant — he didn’t want to call Trump a parrot, ha ha! Gramps then reads the lurid story (“No terrorist organization has taken responsibility for this hideous crime. However, it seems to line-up with a call to arms made by the Islamic State...”) and his blood is really raging now, so much that he has to take a lie-down, and also one of those meds he’s been skipping. Doctors! What do they know?

Independent Minute, “CHECKING IT OUT: Truth, The Border Wall WILL Pay For Itself…”


Inappropriate capitalization and boldface type in original. Apparently they want to make sure Gramps is paying attention.

It means that the money that was initially spend on Thing A that would have otherwise been spent on Thing B will equal each other in such a short amount of time and the use of Thing A will go on longer after those two amounts have equalled.

Through swamps of senile dementia Gramps dimly perceives that this is the sort of reasoning one of his kids might have tried on him in their younger days, explaining that him buying them a Mustang would wind up saving money in bus fares and besides it would make studying easier and then they would get into better colleges. But this is not that, Grandpa assures himself, this is from a trusted source, from and for patrons, that is pastilles, no, patriots, that’s what, and it’s very different from that thing he was just thinking about.

For example, my family and I bought a camper a couple of years ago. It’s nothing huge, just a small camper big enough to comfortably fit a family of four. We bought it used off of a member of the family that had it for a few years and was trading up. The best part of that by the way is that we got a killer deal on it.

What? Gramps may be thinking. The family member was killed? Is that how they got the camper? Gramps struggles through the next few paragraphs and despite the arteriosclerosis begins to suspect kid-arguing-he-should-have-a-car jibber-jabber (“it was much cheaper than getting a hotel room... we could cook our own meals if we wanted to”). Then:

That’s what President Trump was trying to say on Tuesday night is that when you factor in every little dime that has to be spent on something like the wall and something like dealing with illegal immigration eventually one will meet up with the other.

Gramps sighs and makes a sort of concession to his doubts: Sure it’s nonsense, but they have to say something to convince the bleeding hearts to support the Wall and keep the damn Messicans out. And if it doesn’t work, and that Porto Rickan lady and all them socialists don’t listen to reason, well, he still had his gun and so did a lot of other pastas, that is pintos, that is paradiddles — disgusted, Grandpa takes a Bromo.

Eventually the adult children of Grandpa review his accounts and find a lot of little charges they can’t understand; gently as they can, they ask him about a $35 charge the National Republican Senate Committee has been taking out of his account every month since June. Gramps is perplexed. I did pay for that Build the Wall mug, he thinks, but I thought it was only supposed to be $20, not $35, and besides I don’t know why they would keep charging me. They’re a reputable organization. I’ll talk to them about it, he thinks, and I’m sure we’ll straighten the whole thing out... ugh, now they’re in the next room talking about “Dad” like I can’t hear them. Probably trying to put me away, and take all my money and give it to the socialists, they're all socialists now, and Porto Rickans. Better to give all my money to the Wall! I’ll call that guy up and make a big donation! They better let me! Oh, if only I could find my gun!