Sheer fucking genius. Although the fictional candidates are great, I particularly love the passive voice in real-life white nationalist Bolena’s quote: “Things have taken place.” LOLOLOL.
A even better Bolena quote: "I wanted to say, it’s okay if you don’t want to accept homosexuality. You don’t have to. And it’s okay if you like being white. You should. And it’s okay if you want to be a nationalist. You’re not doing anything wrong. If we go out and say that, the liberal media pounces on us, and I get called a racist.” If there's one thing he's learned from Trump, it's saying the quiet part out loud.
Yeah and then deny the plain meaning of what they just said. "Just because I said everyone in Chicago should be killed doesn't mean I'm advocating for their murder." It's Through The Looking Glass stuff and tempts you to question your sanity.
He also said I don’t hate white people and I don’t hate black people or orange people or green people or yellow people.” It has been my experience that when an individual asserts that he has nothing against “black people or [list of arbitrary outlandish hues] people,” you may take it as a given that he absolutely does. The formulation is, um, what do the young-uns call it, a “tell.”
I read someone else writing in this vein years ago who pointed-out that the key thing is that green and orange (that writer's version was 'purple') people do not exist. This means that we've not been raised bigoted against them. This is a tell (as you rightly use the term) that he doesn't believe that bigotry against black people really exists.
But would it have killed Roy to include "things have taken place" in every one of these otherwise excellent political updates? Note that it needn't have been the candidates themselves who said it. And, of course, the alternative ("Things have not taken place") is also available.
The Machine that Emits Gasses truly is the future of the Party. Personally, I think it should be miniaturized and mass produced so that every Trump donor can receive one to keep in their bedroom for daily worship. It can be coupled to one of the many home-listening devices (like Alexa) so that at the first indication of wavering support for Trump and all that is stupid, the donor can be gassed to death instantly.
I love your punch lines, Roy. The machine that gives off poisonous vapors and makes weird noises as the future of the GOP is brilliant and, currently, pretty much on the mark. More please :)
“A machine that diffuses poisonous gas and emits loud noises.”
As Trump is the inevitable successor to Goldwater and Reagan, this device is the inevitable successor to Dr Clayton Forrester and TV’s Frank’s “Evil Promotional Event” for baseball games, “Colorless, Odorless Toxic Gas Night.”
Oh, Roy, you dissed Sauk County, a lovely place settled by the original white people, the people from England via New England. And then those fucking German assholes moved in and now we have the Irish and Norskis and Pollacks and Swedes (but thank God no wop dago guinea greasers). But we have Culver's butter burgers and the Baraboo Circus Museum, so we'll survive the onslaught of...people who want to milk our cows.
I think Roy is playing with fire here, because if there's anything our timeline demonstrates, it's that a mischievous consortium of gods or aliens has recently decided to fuck with us by making fantastic parodies come true IRL.
Sheer fucking genius. Although the fictional candidates are great, I particularly love the passive voice in real-life white nationalist Bolena’s quote: “Things have taken place.” LOLOLOL.
A even better Bolena quote: "I wanted to say, it’s okay if you don’t want to accept homosexuality. You don’t have to. And it’s okay if you like being white. You should. And it’s okay if you want to be a nationalist. You’re not doing anything wrong. If we go out and say that, the liberal media pounces on us, and I get called a racist.” If there's one thing he's learned from Trump, it's saying the quiet part out loud.
Yeah and then deny the plain meaning of what they just said. "Just because I said everyone in Chicago should be killed doesn't mean I'm advocating for their murder." It's Through The Looking Glass stuff and tempts you to question your sanity.
Or theirs.
He also said I don’t hate white people and I don’t hate black people or orange people or green people or yellow people.” It has been my experience that when an individual asserts that he has nothing against “black people or [list of arbitrary outlandish hues] people,” you may take it as a given that he absolutely does. The formulation is, um, what do the young-uns call it, a “tell.”
It's like when old-tyme opponents of "women's lib" started out by saying they were for "equal pay."
I read someone else writing in this vein years ago who pointed-out that the key thing is that green and orange (that writer's version was 'purple') people do not exist. This means that we've not been raised bigoted against them. This is a tell (as you rightly use the term) that he doesn't believe that bigotry against black people really exists.
You can't beat real life for inventiveness.
But would it have killed Roy to include "things have taken place" in every one of these otherwise excellent political updates? Note that it needn't have been the candidates themselves who said it. And, of course, the alternative ("Things have not taken place") is also available.
I thought this site had satire. Today all we get is a news feed. WTF?
(Effing hilarious, though.)
Swift, Twain, the Usual Gang of Idiots welcome you to the Pantheon.
Most kind of you, thanks!
Prentice Jones, GOP challenger for TN-5, is this guy: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T3jIE3b-bhY
CA-12's GOP challenger is actually the Hellmouth (AKA Leland Stanford's tomb)
Ahhh now that's the stuff.
The Machine that Emits Gasses truly is the future of the Party. Personally, I think it should be miniaturized and mass produced so that every Trump donor can receive one to keep in their bedroom for daily worship. It can be coupled to one of the many home-listening devices (like Alexa) so that at the first indication of wavering support for Trump and all that is stupid, the donor can be gassed to death instantly.
"Alexa, play my Two-Minute Hate."
Ned Kelly’s, huh?... for a while I was hoping that stuff belonged to Leo Wanker
I love your punch lines, Roy. The machine that gives off poisonous vapors and makes weird noises as the future of the GOP is brilliant and, currently, pretty much on the mark. More please :)
“A machine that diffuses poisonous gas and emits loud noises.”
As Trump is the inevitable successor to Goldwater and Reagan, this device is the inevitable successor to Dr Clayton Forrester and TV’s Frank’s “Evil Promotional Event” for baseball games, “Colorless, Odorless Toxic Gas Night.”
https://youtu.be/jQjrYGLlxps
Shit, that machine IS the fucking Republican Party.
Oh, Roy, you dissed Sauk County, a lovely place settled by the original white people, the people from England via New England. And then those fucking German assholes moved in and now we have the Irish and Norskis and Pollacks and Swedes (but thank God no wop dago guinea greasers). But we have Culver's butter burgers and the Baraboo Circus Museum, so we'll survive the onslaught of...people who want to milk our cows.
No disrespect meant to Sauk County. They have semi-pro wrestling everywhere.
I think Roy is playing with fire here, because if there's anything our timeline demonstrates, it's that a mischievous consortium of gods or aliens has recently decided to fuck with us by making fantastic parodies come true IRL.