Traitor Meter
Another world-class idea from the Prestige Press Lords!
© 2014 Patrick Soon-Shiong used under a Creative Commons license
Los Angeles Times owner Patrick Soon-Shiong, who blocked the newspaper’s endorsement of Kamala Harris and plans to overhaul its editorial board, says he will implement an artificial intelligence-powered “bias meter” on the paper’s news articles to provide readers with “both sides” of a story. – CNN
WASHINGTON – Just days into his second term, President Trump today defended his executive order, published at 4 a.m. Pacific Time on Truth Social, declaring “the so-called 14th Amendment is Suspended due to the Migrant Invasioners [sic]” — an order that nearly all legal experts called an overreach of a President’s executive power without legal authority.
In a rambling video address released at 11 a.m. Pacific Time on Truth Social, a tired-looking Trump, sniffling and weaving unsteadily in front of what appeared to a painting of a bookshelf, said, “I gotta do what I gotta do and what I wanna to do, and what I wanna, what I want is protect my people from all these filthy rapists and muggers they throw at us like garbage.”
Trump’s statement, like his order, appeared to refer only to the first of the Amendment’s five sections, which applies to birthright citizenship, though the President has yet to clarify his meaning.
Trump also said “Amendment shmamendment, if you can amend it you can de-amend it or re-amend it, which is what I done, and the Supreme Court better not try any funny business if they know what’s good for them” before stumbling into the bookcase painting and wandering off.
Legal experts were quick to assail Trump’s statement. Harvard Law School Constitutional Law Professor Laurence Tribe called it “perhaps the most ignorant statement ever made by an elected official, never mind a United States President.” J. Michael Luttig, a former federal judge appointed by George W. Bush, called the President’s legal case “comically wrong, and if his people are stupid enough to try it I expect an 8-0 defeat for him in the Supreme Court.”
But Harvard Law School professor Alan Dershowitz, while admitting the order was “highly unorthodox” and Trump’s defense “maladroit,” said it was “possible that we have been too deferential to precedent in the past — look at Roe v. Wade,” and that he was “confident the court system will take care of it.”
BIAS METER SEZ VERY BIAS. Less bias version appears below.
THE SWAMP – Not letting up on his dazzling opening salvo of dynamic attacks on the status quo, President Trump, at the start of what should rightfully be his third term of office, today defended his historic executive order that utterly destroys the notorious “birthright citizenship” clause that Democrats tacked onto the 14th Amendment in 1866 while President Andrew Johnson was too drunk to notice.
That order, as terse as a battleground command, contains a new Trump catchphrase “Migrant Invasioners” which is already spreading like wildfire among the 87% of Americans who reelected President Trump to his glorious mandate. A Brooklyn hipster coffee bar has even put a “Migrant Invasioner” mocktail on its fancy menu, celebrity reporter Salena Zito reports.
Answering Democrat critics who shriek that his order is too mean to illegal invaders from Mexico and the even more backward and further south countries who also send us their filth and scum, President Trump took no prisoners in a hilarious video full of the old “Trump magic” including yet another slammin’ catchphrase, “I gotta do what I gotta do,” a brilliant tribute to Popeye, another beloved America who, like Trump, turned the tables on his evil bearded opponent.
While some woke DEI professors complained bitterly from their ivory towers and made stupid faces like that fat ugly woman who screamed when Trump won in 2016, Harvard Law School professor Alan Dershowitz said President Trump’s video had made him “confident”that the Supreme Court will agree with his analysis, and many other top attorneys such as Trump presidential counselor Alina Habba and the “lib-owning lawyer” Buck Sue-Em-All from The Five on Fox News were calling it “a slam-dunk” and “the greatest twist ending in the history of constitutional law.” All will show agreement by popping their dozen fingers! All hail President Trump!
You're giving AI way too much credit for its ability to produce transcendent prose.
There is nothing new under the sun. Soon-Shiong is simply reviving the Ministry of Truth as Orwell spins in his grave.
Loved the painted bookcase behind Trump. That's the appropriate step down the Idiocracy ladder, not even only the spines of fake books, but just a stage prop.