141 Comments

You're giving AI way too much credit for its ability to produce transcendent prose.

Expand full comment

Or even consistent syntax.

Expand full comment

"The 14th Amendment is an amendment to the United States Constitution that appears after the 13th Amendment and before the 15th Amendment. Brought to you by Carl's Jr."

Expand full comment

Certainly not translucent prose. . .

Expand full comment

Can I get an Oof?

Expand full comment

Waiting for the hot takes on Bolt Upright's Deceived Opinion...😳

Meanwhile, a half-ass thought experiment: how much worse would this nightmare be than what we have now? Yeah, yeah, I get the joke; even amused.

But, you know, being reminded daily how the national Democrats have failed for decades, locking us into this awful state, I dunno. And it's like the news is worse day after day. Like, what's going to happen today that's worse than yesterday? That Thompson's killer isn't just an unhinged Musk shipping RWNJ, but also a Bernie bro?

I'm just probably having another episode of dotard crabbiness...

Expand full comment

Probly...

Expand full comment

There is nothing new under the sun. Soon-Shiong is simply reviving the Ministry of Truth as Orwell spins in his grave.

Loved the painted bookcase behind Trump. That's the appropriate step down the Idiocracy ladder, not even only the spines of fake books, but just a stage prop.

Expand full comment

Yeah, the bookcase is cherce, and bouncing off whilst stumbling offstage is chercer.

Expand full comment

Like the lying, so much of the chintzy-ness of Trump and those in his orbit represents both a demonstration of their lack of class AND functions as a flex.

Expand full comment

"Emperor Trump adroitly danced 'round the magnificently-appointed office features, like a ballet master at his peak of terpsichorean talents! "Like a panther!" screamed his chief of staff as he moved smoothly thru the door..."

Expand full comment

I envisioned it painted on canvas and vaguely rippling in the breeze behind him.

Expand full comment
4dEdited

Suggests a familiarity with both books and art not in evidence.

Expand full comment

More like one of the many stage backgrounds in the Marx Brothers’ A Night at the Opera.

Expand full comment

"A battleship - in Il Trovatore!"

Personally, I like "fruit cart" as a background for Trump.

Expand full comment

Fair, as long as it gets knocked over Good And Hard in the wacky chase scene.

Expand full comment

The Second Trump Administration, soundtrack by Yackety Sax.

Expand full comment

So.... you're saying this might have already happened a while back...

Expand full comment

Roy, you spelled 'invasionistas' incorrectly, but t'ain't yer fault – the Reinastown Revisionista doesn't know how either.

Expand full comment

It's all a matter of perspective, right?

Things look really different to right wing assholes.

Expand full comment

Even the LA Times looks different. I mean, I got the dollar-a-month* digitalized version for awhile, then quit when that deal ended (mostly because the digital version was and maybe still is a klugey screen-repellent cheap version of a pdf). Now they want me back for the cheapo version again which, nah, 'cause I still get Sammy Roth's climate newsletter via email (the web-based version having been blocked recently)...

*I originally typed 'dollar-a-moth' and thought "this is where our hairbrained socialist wackos have led us – in the coming end times we'll be docked a dollar whether we eat the moth or not.

Save the Moths!

Expand full comment

My Giant Dog swears moths are delicious.

He thinks June bugs are pretty awesome too.

Expand full comment

A few months ago, I was at work (at night), and started hearing a weird, random "bumping" sound. I went over towards one of the windows, and saw one of the feral cats repeatedly launching itself about six feet up the window in an effort to catch a moth. I never saw her catch one, but the effort was impressive.

Expand full comment

Man, those moths must be DELICIOUS.

Expand full comment

I'm not sure I'd rely on a cat's sense of "taste" to make any judgements on what to eat.

Expand full comment

The Artificial Intelligence Bias-O-Meter is going to require probably a decade worth of reprogramming an fine-tuning since reality has a well-known liberal bias.

Expand full comment

If it's like United Healthcare's AI Denial Engine("shall figure out how to deny coverage at all human cost") it's primarily, nay, Prime Directive is "Cover for Donnie, cover up the idiocies and cruelty, and cover Him with praise".

Roy's version is insufficiently mechanical.

Have I mentioned that the slew of online publishers of porn prose and fiction are getting increased complaints that too much now going into circulation seems to be AI written and sucks? Not in a good way.

Expand full comment

Let us all bow our heads and mourn the end of the good way of sucking.

Expand full comment
4dEdited

I know the creative muse must not be denied, but is it possible that we already have enough porn?

Expand full comment

Like the newspaper: most of the content decays rapidly. People produce it like any other sort of expression: that it's often an aid to masturbation feed the market for novelty.

I know it's difficult for many to believe, but some of it is actually literature: and consider the absurdity of saying "I think we have enough literature."

No less a seminal thinker than Tom Lerher suggests it's all porn if you look at it right. And shittily written porn is only erotic to the lowest common denominator. Well written porn is good sometimes despite the sexy content...

Expand full comment

The use of the phrase "seminal thinker" in a discussion of porn - heheheh...

Expand full comment

Sometimes I'm afraid my best efforts are wasted...

Expand full comment

Is that possible?

Expand full comment

Apparently not.

Expand full comment

I believe it is: and might be willing to give actual examples (from Nifty.org or Literotica, or Gay Demon ) if prompted.

Yesterday went sideways in rather too interesting ways.

Expand full comment

"Had"

Fixed it for you*

*The fix is in!

Expand full comment

Let’s hire the people who formerly maintained the Tom Brady Crud-ometer at Defector dot com.

Expand full comment

LIBERAL ON INTERNET SAYS WE SHOULD ALL EAT INSECTS

Expand full comment

I realize now that you were not flogging the Bass-O-Meter that alla the late-night commercials be shovin' at me (and as far as it goes, I gotta say if I was ever inclined to partake, the Bass-O-Meter is the one I would get, just so's I could say "yeah, that Bass-O-Meter keeps me fed!")

Expand full comment

The Bass-O-Meter is really catching on!

Expand full comment

Hooked me, anyway...

Expand full comment

As may be Trumpy Trout

Expand full comment

But the internet is filled to the top with Nazis

Expand full comment

Bottom, Shirley.

Expand full comment

filling to the bottom is not very many

Expand full comment

Well you'll never see them at the top of anything.

Expand full comment

I appreciate a preview of this tech genius's "less bias version," and note the return of celebrity reporter Salena Zito. But it's hard to get past wondering what are the real details of the 14th Amendment ukase. I'd expect exceptions like Russian birth tourism to be codified. Or will things just work according to the OK - Not OK color card?

Expand full comment

"We've outsourced immigration enforcement to Sherwin-Williams."

Expand full comment

Call me Al. Al Abaster.

Expand full comment

Soon-schlong is loading his LLM AI with every back issue of National Review, Jonah Goldberg’s entire output (written, not gastrointestinal), Father Coughlin scripts and translations of Goebbels and Pinochet speeches. Following the Fifth Law of Thermodynamics - garbage in, garbage out - Soon-schlong’s new LA Times will be must reading among the illiterati of MAGA world.

Expand full comment

Much like the paper for Deltas in Brave New World, written exclusively in words of one syllable.

Expand full comment

"Finally! A newspaper that shows those pointy-heads at the Weekly World News how it's done!"

Expand full comment

This makes me pig-biting mad

Expand full comment

Send them all back to Haitianistan. But seriously, here a couple possibilities to look for.

At what point will Trump turn up wearing a military uniform? Something like the Soviets used to wear with an oversized hat and exaggerated epaulettes.

We need to start posing the hypothetical now on social media: Is it wrong for someone who has never served in the military to put on uniform and impersonate a military officer?

Will Musk and the other oligarchs seek to replace Trump with J.D. Vance, the way Russian oligarchs replaced a drunken Yeltsin with Putin? Could they pull a 25th Amendment coup?

Stay tuned dear readers for more intriguing possibilities for the up-and-coming dear leader!

Expand full comment

Which Trump associate will be the first to fall out a hotel window?

Expand full comment

Big field of contestants, but nobody gets hurt as they all know never to venture above the ground floor.

Expand full comment

I'm guessing Hegseth, but probably just because he was drunk.

Expand full comment

Well he won't get rejected by the Senate. Trump sent enough MAGA Demons after Ernst that she now supports Hegseth

Expand full comment

HAIL ANTS

Expand full comment

TAIL HANS

Expand full comment

[hops into cab, throws a twenty at the driver] STEP ON IT

Expand full comment

MARKHAM: You know, sometimes a bad memory is like what they call an ill wind — it can blow somebody luck.

CLERK: I always say everybody’s right.

Expand full comment
4dEdited

This sounds like it could be a Fun Friday prompt. What's your favorite bit of incidental dialogue in a movie? Although I'd be stricter and say it can't involve any main characters or even any named characters and must serve no purpose in terms of exposition or advancing the plot.

WAITER: Six more Pike's Pales

BARTENDER: We're all outta Pikes Pale. How 'bout something else?

WAITER [in the most jaded possible voice] But they don't want something else, they want the Ale that Won for Yale, rah, rah.

BARTENDER: Well, tell 'em to go to... Harvard

Expand full comment

You do a lotta acid, Miller, back in the hippie days?

Expand full comment

That one I don't know. Sounds dangerously modern, 1970's even.

Expand full comment

I'm pretty certain, btw, that it's "You EAT a lot of acid, Miller, back in the hippie days?"

Expand full comment

It could get a bit dicey if he decides to use the giant squid!

Expand full comment

I need to watch more movies.

Expand full comment

That is not a bad idea.

Expand full comment

Technically couldn't bartender and waiter be names?

Expand full comment

The BEST names.

Expand full comment

It’s another episode of Stock Character Theater!

Expand full comment

Nice, but the game might be heavily weighted toward Mr. Incidental Dialogue Sturges.

Unnamed character, but an actor name goes with "in the most jaded possible voice." No accident that Sturges wrote incidental lines for Al Bridge to bring on the full disdain.

Expand full comment

"It's called a paraphrase" - Driver of Motor Home

Expand full comment

Re Al Bridge: I think that's the longest Wikipedia filmography I've ever seen.

Expand full comment

Finding memorable interactions between characters that obscure would be really hard, especially in movies with small casts like Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf?

Expand full comment

Castaway wanna word...

Expand full comment

The part of the Wolf was played by...

Expand full comment

"Orange Whip? Orange Whip? Orange Whip? Three Orange Whips."

Expand full comment

When Trump was on MTP and said he wanted to do away with birthright citizenship, Kristin Welker asked "Will you do that by executive order"?

Not even "CAN you do that?" but "WILL you do that?"

Of course she couldn't say, "It's in the Constitution, dummy", but now even the slightest factual pushback is disallowed? We're now supposed to believe that Trump is Superman, and no laws - not even the laws of physics - apply to him and so the only question is to ask - respectfully, of course - HOW he's going to break the law this time?

Expand full comment

Acting like he can do anything he wants is just a fancy version of Complying in Advance.

Expand full comment

Giggling their way to autocracy

Expand full comment

"Will you be following the law today, sir?"

Expand full comment

Soitenly! Hand me my law-followin' map!

Expand full comment

Funny story about the awesome power of AI:

Microsoft Outlook has an autocomplete feature which you can't turn off (not that I'm complaining, I type "Thanks for checking in about this" and "Please let me know if you have any questions" probably a dozen times a day.)

Anyway, starting just about a week ago, whenever I type my first name at the end of an email, it autocompletes to "Stephanie."

Expand full comment

Let your local commissar know it's misgendering you, so it can be shipped off to Libtard Reeducation Camp.

Expand full comment

The AI can never fail – it can only BE failed, by random mathematicians and the like (all of whom will soon be re-educated as necessary.*

*those two 2's won't five themselves, ya know!

Expand full comment

Steve or Stephanie? is the Glenn or Glenda? of 2025.

Expand full comment

And aptly enough, that makes AI the Ed Wood of 2025!

Expand full comment

The good news: AI is now so advanced that it can direct a movie

The bad news: It's an Ed Wood movie.

Expand full comment

"Home...? I HALF no home."

Expand full comment

I think it's telling you something about yourself that you have yet to realize

Expand full comment

Who am I to argue with AI? Stephanie it is!

Expand full comment

Re newspapers: I mean, I'm so old I remember when this was called CueCat: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/CueCat

Expand full comment

So, he keeps trying to fail upward. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/J._Hutton_Pulitzer Fingers crossed, not yet enough for the head grifter to appoint him to a post.

Expand full comment

"Known mononymously as Jovan"

Looks like a word I would make up...

Expand full comment

A new one on me. It covers most cast credits of 1930s French movies.

Expand full comment

And damn if that wiki ain't the read of the day! I mean, after REBID, of course...

Expand full comment

When you're too grifty even for other election-conspiracy grifters, you are grifty indeed.

Expand full comment

I remember Jovan Musk, a men's cologne from the '70s; it rivaled Hai Karate in popularity among young men who thought you had to put a gallon of it on yourself to smell it.

(Now you mention it "Jovan Musk" can be "the cologne for men who have too much money so they spend it on fascism")

Expand full comment

"[...] young men who thought you had to put a gallon of it on [...]"

We still have that today, as it seems many young men think the Axe they buy is a single use container.

Expand full comment
3dEdited

"Despite investments of $185 million from Radio Shack.."

Expand full comment

":CueCat with a leading colon"

Pass. Hard pass.

Expand full comment

Cat and colon? We're halfway to a violin!

Expand full comment

If you have the guts

Expand full comment

I have the guts, but I lack the pluck.

Expand full comment

We will likely have competing meters—rather, my _wish_ is that we are allowed such—and some of them might even be worthwhile, that is to say will be in substantial agreement with _me_.

Expand full comment

Given the times, I can only wish that my two new fingers will be middle ones—which I believe was the case for Hannibal Lecter in the first two books, I never bothered with the other books or the films or television series.

Hey, has anyone linked the modern tastes for sympathetic villain/heroes, e.g. Michael Corleone, Tony Soprano, Don Draper, Walter White, Cersei Lannister, and for all I know Elphaba…to our choosing felonious filth to lead us? I've long wanted to reclaim 'The Death of Shame' from the Right, wanting to move it away from a fixation on sex and toward one about oppressing the workers and peasants, so why not Moral Clarity?

Expand full comment

"BIAS METER SEZ VERY BIAS"

Found my new favorite all-purpose phrase.

Expand full comment