157 Comments
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Jun 18
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Reminder that 16th Century colonizers spent a lot of time and effort in the Americas looking for El Dorado, and they didn't find him then, either.

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"Ride, boldly ride!"

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I'm stressing to ignore as much of the BS as possible. Once one has enough of the puzzle to know what it shows, it's not all that important to deal with more pieces. Or more relevant, just the effort to separate the BS from the important in the discourse is reaching a point that it's just worth it. For example, my obsessing with the nearly all shitty polls as exercises in polling compounded by shitty and dishonest reporting of same.

Or maybe I just have enough insanity in the household; no fun looking for exposure to more.

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Tough to think that asshole Rich Lowery has a job for life. He should be forced to sleep with Sarah Palin for punishment.

They should leave old people alone.

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He'd be seeing starbursts were he to sleep with Sarah ... and then Sarah's ex (Todd?) will shoot him

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So, wjn/win?

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Mister we could use a man like Lawrence Welk again.

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Wunnerful.

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Wait, where'd all the bubbles come from?

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STOPP-A THE BUBBLE MACHINE-A!!

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A Lawrence Welk story:

In 1979, I was working as an engineer at WPIX-TV in New York. I worked nights, and one night a week we would run an old Lawrence Welk show after the news. So one night after Lawrence runs, the phone in the video tape room rings. I answered it and on the other end was a little old lady who wanted to speak to Lawrence. I told her that Welk had been dead for years at that point, so he definitely wasn't coming to the phone. "That's okay," she said. "I'll wait."

I put her on hold and walked away. If she was alive today, I bet she'd be buying survival rations and Trump NFTs.

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Hey, they still run the show on Milwaukee PBS! Wonder if they get those calls as well.

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I'd be amazed if they didn't.

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Well, of course they do! Don't we all know Milwaukee is HORRIBLE?

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After admitting he said that, he now denies saying it and the NYT or WaPo went with he allegedly said it

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The fuckin' NY Times: "Biden Campaign Ad Paints Trump as a Felon"

https://www.readtpa.com/p/the-new-york-times-biden-campaign

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Reality, what is it, anyway?

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Literally ANYONE who paints Trump since May 30, 2024 paints him as a felon.

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A one an' a two! Bobby, you dance with this girl, she's too wild for me! 😁

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“Sank ya boyce. That was a real toe-tapper. Next we have a number from Bobby and Cissy, but first these words from Geritol.”

My dad once took my grandmother on a pilgrimage to Strasburg, North Dakota, to see the Lawrence Welk family homestead.

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Stop this right now, or I‘m gonna make youse all watch the Schmenges performing „Billie Jean“

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You could take a pilgrimage to the WNAX studios where he made his name initially

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Pass.

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Edward Teller scans in that line. Make of that what you will.

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Tee hee hee hee. BURN. SHADE. Repeat.

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It's indisputable that fear and greed are both strong motivators for the rightwing grandpas and grandmas who can ALWAYS be relied on to click the link. But the other strange thing about these Hardcore tidbits is the truly psychopathic extent to which these consumers firmly believe other people spend their waking hours trying to screw them, while also somehow remaining oblivious to the fact the people offering them pricey “protection” – Buy gold! Buy a bigger gun! Take this pill! – are screwing them the hardest of all.

It’s like a bizarre combination of ignorance, vindictiveness, and naivety. I guess if proves that when you live your life trusting no one, when you finally DO decide to trust someone it will be the wrong person because you’re so out of practice. Ergo, Trump.

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Counter-point: When you live your entire life trusting the likes of Benny Hinn, Jerry Falwell, or Joel Osteen, the ONLY kind of person you're ever going to trust is an obvious conman like Trump because your entire background is trusting obvious conmen.

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True. The Christian conservative contingent (pardon my out of control alliteration) has already been primed to put their faith in charlatans. I'm speaking more generally about aging conservative people who seem to believe -- rightly or wrongly -- that their way of life is sinking, so they'll grab at any old promising thing that's thrown in the water, even if it turns out to be an anvil and not a life jacket.

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Or a gold brick. Seriously. What the hell does anyone think they can do with a gold brick? 'Cause it isn't as if there's a massive lineup on the front stoop waiting for you to carve off a slice in exchange for the last prime rib in Arkansas.

What's that, you say? They do not actually get a brick – just an option? So now you want us all to believe that when the revolution FINALLY does come, and we just need to cash out, those options, stored somewhere on the intertubes, are gonna be SOLID GOLD??? Gramps be in serious need of sump'm other than gold, by that time...

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Owning very impractical, inedible gold as financial security is the apotheosis of symbolism.

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Jun 18
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Right! And when you go to actually exchange it for goods and services, you’ll need some way to set a price per ounce, then measure its purity, then weigh the amount for the transaction, cut off the exact portion you need from your Sacred Gold Brick, etc.

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"You can't eat... an air conditioner." -- Putney Swope

I have always thought ammo, cigarettes, and chocolate would be infinitely more worth stocking up on if you sincerely thought the balloon was going up. But then again I was a Libertarian in the 80s and read way too much nuclear war stuff.

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Jun 18Edited
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Knowing how to grow potatoes, grains, and chickens will be a lot more useful than the bars of (probably iron pyrite) squirreled away in your crawl space.

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Stash away enough chocolate and I promise to vote for you for Local Warlord.

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"What the hell does anyone think they can do with a gold brick?"

Lock it in your wife's closet under her shoes so you can blame her when the Feds show up?

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Objection. Assumes reasoning capability not otherwise exhibited.

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Also, assumes the little lady hasn't left due to his constant abuse

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I knew somebody would rise to that bait. And if you hadn't, I would have.

Like lamb on the turner, so go the Menendez Of Our Lives....

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Turning and turning in the widening gyre

the goldbrick cannot see the closeter

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Smash bugs with it

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Bwahahahaha. Now that's funny. "prime rib in Arkansas". Like that'll ever happen. Y'all don't know us very well, do y'all?

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I like my metaphors to go out there and break new ground, ya know?

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I think pulled pork in Arkansas maybe makes more sense

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I would never suggest pulling pork while LP is in the chat.

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𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘊𝘩𝘳𝘪𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘢𝘯 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘴𝘦𝘳𝘷𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘷𝘦 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘦𝘯𝘵 (𝘱𝘢𝘳𝘥𝘰𝘯 𝘮𝘺 𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘰𝘧 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘵𝘳𝘰𝘭 𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘪𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯)

As to alliteration, in Walker Percy’s 1971 novel 𝘓𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘙𝘶𝘪𝘯𝘴 (“The Adventures of a Bad Catholic at a Time Near the End of the World”) the following passage occurs early on: “…during the last Republican convention in Montgomery…a change of name was proposed, the first suggestion being the Christian Conservative Constitutionalist Party, and campaign buttons were even printed with the letters CCCP before an Eastern liberal commentator noted the similarity to the initials printed on the backs of the Soviet cosmonauts…”

A decade later I lifted that conceit for a novel of my own, abandoned* after a couple of years, in which a local utility company (it was on the wrong side of a county ballot initiative that formed an element of the plot), having changed its name from “Coastal Gas & Electric” to “Consolidated Central Coast Power,” was known thereafter as “Mother,” short for “Mother Russia,” to its foes.

*I recently unearthed the typescript, unseen since before my last move a quarter of a century ago, and was obscurely gratified to find that some of its set pieces had held up fairly well, but as I must have sensed when I laid the thing aside forty years ago, a certain puerility woven deep into its conception doomed the undertaking from the start.

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Jun 18
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“It was a dark and puerile night…”

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Can you SAY that in public? 😱

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The actual opening line—Hallowe’en night, 1972, following a violent storm—was “As we paused at the car, Claude in his deerstalker and I in my shroud, the darkened town below us flickered into life.”

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Back in '71, the GOP would have been embarrassed.

Now they'd wear it with pride as tribute to populist, nationalist, and defender of liberty tovarisch Vladimirovich Putin. 🤮

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My favorite headline, from the sainted Arkansas Gazette:

Performing Panda Packs Playhouse In Peking

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There was a band that used to play Rapid City many years ago called Midwest Coast. I think they were named after a trucking company

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Some folks I know thought that the Mightyfine Lakes should be referred to as the 3rd Coast. Too (not particularly) clever by half.

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As a native Midwesterner, I can say we wear the name "Great Lakes" uncomfortably. It's against our nature, and if we'd been given the choice they'd be known as the "OK Lakes" or the "Not Too Bad Lakes."

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It's the element of Choice: they never consented to live in a changing world, so they'll give all their money to someone who promises to make it stop.

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Yep. "Mommy, make it stop," but for seniors.

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That line immediately started Book of Love’s remix of “Tubular Bells” in my head.

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The possibility that the US economy will just continue to bump along, pumping out shitty jobs by the millions til long after you're dead is one that none of these catastrophists, left or right, ever want to consider.

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It's ironic that the "Bidenflation" and housing prices are both because of greed, but details.

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Everyone in Rightwing World is trying to sell more crap to the marks because Alex Jones's impending doom will be opening up lots of space for goldbuggery, freeze-dried survival buckets, "special" ammo, and now bump-stocks for your AR-15.

There was an old conservative Christian thing about how "If you don't believe in God, then you'll believe anything." Well it sure looks like those who (profess) to believe in God are ripe to believe even the most ham-fisted bullshit spread their way.

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Dingding.

We have a winner.

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The consolation being that all these survival resources are undoubtedly ultra-cheap shit that will fail just when they're needed.

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When the power grid went down in Texas because a succession of governors decided that short-term profits for the Texas power consortium were far more important than making the grid robust enough to withstand all that fake global warming stuff, there were hundreds of Texas survivalist types who were completely prepared . . . except for the manual can openers they forget to buy.

'Cause who woulda thunk that the end-o'-civilization apocalypse they were so prepared for would entail not having electricity?

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BWAAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

A Looney Tunes plot come to life!

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An everyday occurrence in Conservative World, or so it appears to me. "Don't buy gold, buy Acme products, sure to save you in the End Times!"

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So THAT'S what Wile E. Coyote was doing!

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Some might say that the belief in god IS the most ham-fisted bullshit ever.

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Now I want to know what Ted Cruz did that helped Biden and why this rightwing site has turned against the asshole from El Paso.

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That's another sub-topic for another time: rightwing kayfabe! Traitors like Liz Cheney are one thing, but the hucksters will sometimes pretend Cruz or Lindsey Graham or one of those guys did Trump dirty, presumably to break up the monotony of Dirty Dem Did Dirty Dem Thing stories. It's not meant to be taken seriously or remembered, and you can be sure Gramps won't.

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I am enheartened by that "edited 31 minutes ago". Even the Boss...!

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Writing is mostly editing.

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Truer words.

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Well sure, but admitting it…!

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And since these sites are all about tiny hits of gratification, it also gives Gramps a momentary frisson of pride: "I'm even more unswervingly loyal to The Leader than a conservative Senator!"

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Kinky Friedman represent!

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Good, John Fetterman SHOULD live alone. So he has more time to sit and think about what he did.

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Jun 18
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Every night it's like Tom Cruise in Risky Business, drinking a tumbler full of whiskey while dancing to Bob Seeger in his underwear.

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Bob Seeger, Pete's grandson who made his name doing punk sea shantys.

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He's a shining example of my political maxim "Put not your trust in princes." I voted for him and I'll vote for him again all day long if he's the only choice against a Republican. One thing his recent behavior makes clear: he's going to run for President. I wasn't sure after his stroke whether his ambitions were that high, but obviously they are.

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I hear ya, Tammy Baldwin has disappointed me again and again (and again!) but she's got my vote over the rich ghoul the Republicans nominated.

My last exposure to Fetterman was in a Some More News compilation of politicians and media attacks on the student protesters at Columbia and other campuses, he claimed "nobody even knows what these protesters want, including the protesters." Dude, they have a website, you could look it up: https://www.jewishvoiceforpeace.org/

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I disagree with his position re: Israel and the protests, but for me the most damning thing is his fervent support of Netanyahu.

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People hate politicians, but even the most incompetent position can figure out some middling position like "Hamas is bad, but what Israel is now doing under Netanyahu is also bad." Which is not far wrong.

But apparently, part of the "not a politician" persona that guys like Fetterman try to cultivate is staking out a position and NEVER changing, because changing in response to public opinion is a thing politicians do.

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Jun 18
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Who knew this was a valuable and marketable skill?

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"Shambolic looming" *sniff* *sniff* That's poetry, man, pure poetry.

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I will say one thing for Fetterman, and it isn't remotely praise but merely an observation. If there is any Democrat capable of shaving off some MAGA voters in 2028 -- since for some MAGAs it's about vibes and not ideology or policy -- that Democrat is Fetterman.

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Sad but true.

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His going after that black guy with a tool when he was mayor would assure that

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I’ve met Baldwin at Bay Area fundraisers on a couple of occasions (I asked her six years ago whether Ted Cruz was as charming and charismatic in person as her appeared to be on television; her response was a masterpiece of sly tact, conveying “Yes, he’s an asshole” in perfectly anodyne words). I’d be curious to learn how she has disappointed.

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Yes, I like her as a person, we even used to shop in the same food co-op (Willy Street represent!). But she's ultra-cautious as a politician, and can always be counted to be safely bringing up the rear of whatever controversy we're embroiled in. Of course, that means saying very little at all about Gaza, and never allowing a micron's distance to come between herself and the Biden admin. on that subject.

I get it, it's a purple state, she does win re-election handily, she knows more about how to win than I do, that's for sure, but I reserve my right AS AN AMERICAN to be deeply disappointed in her.

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JFC, that's the same goddamn line EVERY FUCKING CRITIC of the yout' protesting drags out. I'm sure there were philosophers clucking their tongues at rebellious kids in Ancient Greece and asserting they had no idea what they opposed.

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"My deliberate refusal to understand you is YOUR fault."

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Wasn't that philosopher Plato?

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Are the ambitions because of or despite the stroke? We may never know...

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Thanks to Adam Tooze, and the fine, fine commetariat over at his Substack, I know that there is an exact left-wing analogue to this shit.

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!

I promise not to look.

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Do you mean Chartbook? Can you direct me to a post on this?

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Yes, Chartbook (which is most excellent, by the way). Any post that mentions the war in Ukraine brings them out of the woodwork, also any post about China, which is AWESOME and will soon be taking over the entire world because the West is TEH SUXXOR.

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Here's the one where I learned that you can't invade a country if you take the clever expedient of first fomenting a civil war in said country, so you can employ the brilliant "But there was ALREADY a war!" excuse (Yes, I do know this is what the US did in Vietnam, a thing that they all understand VERY well, but when Russia does it it's TOTALLY DIFFERENT.)

https://adamtooze.substack.com/p/chartbook-293-nope-or-the-political

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Jun 18
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If you get into it with these folks (and I do NOT recommend that, although I can't resist - don't be like me, is what I'm saying) you'll find that they're fully up for defending anything the Soviets ever did, including the invasions of Hungary and Czechoslovakia. Because historical denialism is part of Putinism, I think, so if you're in you gotta buy the whole package.

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Jun 18
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Oh, so tankies. Wrong in 1956, wrong in 1968, wrong now.

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Aw, GODDAMN IT, are these the folks who pisswhine about Ukraine being NATO's fault, as if there hasn't been a Russian project to deny the existence of Ukraine for like the LAST CENTURY? "NATO on Russia's border bah-bah-bah" THE BALTICS HAVE BEEN NATO MEMBERS SINCE 1999 YOU DUMBASSES

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They're just VERY CONCERNED about the poor oppressed Russian-speaking peoples of the Donbas and their struggle for self-determination. So concerned they're willing to endorse a war that will probably end up killing a million people. But it's the PRINCIPLE of the thing, dammit!

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"the poor oppressed Russian-speaking peoples of the Donbas"

Um, that reminds me of the poor oppressed German-speaking peoples of the Sudetenland...

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I wonder, if the Russian-speaking people of eastern Ukraine were so terribly oppressed, if there might have been some measure short of a war they could have taken? Maybe some marches and sit-ins, march to the Black Sea to make salt, there's lots of examples, they could look it up.

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"Aw, GODDAMN IT, are these the folks who pisswhine about Ukraine being NATO's fault, as if there hasn't been a Russian project to deny the existence of Ukraine for like the LAST CENTURY?"

Periodic reminder that Holodomor is Ukrainian for "to starve to death".

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Between the Holodomor and Chernobyl, I'm not surprised Ukraine wants to Assert its independence from Russia.

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Boss, you have far more testicular fortitude to wade through this shit swamp than I, but I have to admit, it's so tempting. I come from a family of successful con men and successful Baptist preachers (but I repeat myself), and my flim-flam senses tingle when I see this stuff. It would be so easy, so, so very easy....but, I will not turn, I will not turn (it would sure be easy money) I will not turn, I will not turn (house needs a new roof) I will not turn, I will not turn......

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I was selling an old piece of shit motorcycle a few years back and a guy agreed to my asking price, which was dumb and I felt a little guilty. When he arrived he was an old guy that looked perpetually angry and he wanted to pay me in some kind of Patriot silver coins. I googled it and found I could get about 75 cents on the dollar so I took them. Then I had to go to one of those We Buy Gold stores and that was interesting. Anyway, that confirms what sane people already know, that a lot of old right wingers are getting scammed.

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Ein Volk Ein Reich Ein Hardcore

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Late to the party today but my own junk mail file has seen the same shift in hardcore pitches. I just got the “lung vacuum” for lung mucus thing today myself lol. Very little political stuff, but lots of debt relief, reverse mortgages, high interest loan pitches and, of course, the 15-in-1 Tactical Hiking Stick! (Seriously that’s a thing apparently and no, I’m not clicking the link!)

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The out-of-shape will be relieved to learn 14 of the uses don't involve hiking.

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And yes, any object that is longer than it is wide can be used for THAT.

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Jun 18
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And then remove, and then RE-insert, and then...

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Jun 18
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Save the Moles!

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Eagerly awaiting the advent of Tactical Asswipes.

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No one expects the Spanish Asswipes!

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I was once in a comment thread (Jeez, do I waste a lot of time in THOSE) and some guy was going on about how, after the collapse of civilization, you'll be dead in a week from the bacteria in your perineum (yes, he actually used that word) if you don't practice proper field hygiene. Later, I found out this is a major money-maker for Alex Jones, tactical asswipes, and this guy was parroting that pitch word-for-word.

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They're already here, otherwise known as Republican Campaign Strategists.

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I think they have those but not with the tactical appellation

https://www.amazon.com/DUDE-Wipes-Flushable-Extra-Large-Vitamin/dp/B07ZTXZDGR

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It's kind of funny when you think about it, that all this tough talk about Civil War is just an excuse to sell asswipes.

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Just an excuse for asswipes to sell asswipes.

Which of course reminds me of this (Cage absolutely commits to the bit!) https://youtu.be/goPerp_BWvs?si=lorHihkSGE4XiYNv

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If I knew where the DC Booger was located, I'd clear the mucus from my lungs hocking loogies at them.

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Everyday there's a post, I do my best to leave one good snarky comment over at Keith Olbermann's joint. Keith is four months older than I, so our reference set is pretty much identical. Most days he gives me a like, as he did just now. Today is a good day.

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If I knew where the DC Booger was located, I'd clear the mucus from my lungs hocking loogies at them.

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"Post" dying on you too, brother?

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Substack is choking this morning, and I'm not sure of the phone, the connection, or the site is at fault. 🤷

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It's the site. Trust me, I'm a professional.

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"Slow, with Nazis."

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