165 Comments
Jun 10Liked by Roy Edroso

Given D French's long history of anti LGBTQ bigotry and activism, the leopards of his nice church eating his face is Nemesis in her glorious justice...

I started paying attention to that loathsome critter because of your writing about him in Alicublog: this shock at the cruelty to him is small enough payment for the hate he's heaped on me and mine.,,.

Almost as delicious as the twit at the Federalist attacking Dolly Parton for saying she wasn't going to judge people for their sex lives, and this was in Christianity as she understood it .

They think they are better than, well anyone else: and that will protect them when they bump into their tribes actual issues.

I pity the Ethiopian kid French adopted...

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Jun 10Liked by Roy Edroso

"They think they are better than, well anyone else"...

They may or may not think that, but they are absolute in their conviction that god is on their side, which is all that matters. What interests me is the jump from the old-time "Come to Jesus" outreach to heathens, to the present-day "Go to Hell" murder cult. The faithful have abandoned their faith in salvation, and are working on the "We'll pre-sort 'em fer ya, god" project.

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Jun 10Liked by Roy Edroso

If I were a smoker, your last sentence would have prompted me to hold my lighter aloft with the flame adjusted to TORCH 👍

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Jun 10Liked by Roy Edroso

Yeah, that ol'' Prince Of Peace stuff is sooooo over.

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Jun 10Liked by Roy Edroso

"I come not to bring peace, but a sword. Attached to a machine gun."

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"And then you get out your bazooka."

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"No, no, not the bubble gum, the weapon. Holy Me, you're thick"

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This gives a new spin to the last twenty-plus years of conservative snark about "religion of peace".

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"Oh, you mean religion can be an excuse for some people to act like murderous assholes? Wow, you really got me there!"

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Jun 11·edited Jun 11

Mrs. LP (the bad cop. People think I'm the bad cop, but folks that know us know when I say "Don't make me sic my wife on you" it is *not* an idle threat) says "You oughta call this guy and read him the Riot Act".

I said "No ma'am. Jesus wants me to turn the other cheek. I will not turn". And that is what I truly believe. I ain't no Christian, that get into Heaven free crap is absolute horseshit. But I know good moral teaching when I read it, and I try to adhere to it. They would burn me at the stake if I said what I believe. "You know Christianity stole every idea they found, right? Virgin birth was to get the Mesopotamians, Christmas to get the Romans, Yule to get the Norse, etc. etc. etc.". All of them miss the point. And that Ten Commandments bullshit outside the state Capitol. Please. They be lying, they be stealing, they be coveting, some of them are adultering. Their graven image does precisely dick.

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Murdering people because they have a different fake Sky God is a time honored practice. I mean , " come to Jesus' outreach to the heathens" in America has usually involved smallpox blankets and pay by the piece scalp hunters

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Let's not forget the 19th century campaign to Save the Heathen Children of Africa, which required stealing their parents land to turn it into rubber plantations. God was pleased.

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"Do they know it's Christmas after all?"

No, because Ethiopians are Coptic Christians, and so Eastern Orthodox, which celebrates Christmas on January 7th. Oy gevalt.

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Oh, Ethiopia, sorry, I meant coffee plantations. God was still pleased, though. The Lord loves a good latte.

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I know what you meant, I just wanted to share that realization I had.

Oh yeah, they were, and are, screwed over big-time.

Ethiopia is thought to be one of the most likely candidates for coffee's source though, and is really good coffee. A roommate of my brother-in-law from Burundi gave me a pound of Burundi coffee. That stuff is sooooo good, best I ever had.

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"Are you there, God? It's me, the CEO of Firestone Rubber Co."

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"Just want to know where to send the dividend check."

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Kind of challenging to teach them when the Belgians are lopping their hands off.

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One-Handed Mother of...never mind...

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Dessert Wars

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=55h1FO8V_3w

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Jun 10·edited Jun 10

This deserves a place in the Pantheon next to Eddie Izzards "Cake or Death."

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Thinking God is on their side is key. Unlike Abraham Lincoln who said, “it is not ‘Is God on my side’, but ‘Am I on God’s side’.”

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You'd think God would have looked after him a little better. I mean, someone who could divide the Red Sea couldn't send a little note saying, "Hey, maybe skip the theater tonight, huh?"

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Jun 10Liked by Roy Edroso

Given French's confidence his own conservatism is Jesus-certified and approved, it doesn't matter what others call him. I prefer the more informal "asshole" myself. But there is no further evidence required to prove his conservative bona fides than the fact he likes to wallow in self-pity. That's the real clincher

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Jun 10Liked by Roy Edroso

"More Informal Asshole" v. "Less Formal Asshole": discuss.

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Tux & tails vs. sport jacket

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Jun 10Liked by Roy Edroso

As an indifferent-tho-slightly-wistful displaced person, I can assert with some authority that in California "sport jacket" is still too formal – mock turtleneck is the most you can expect to wear over formal (ie pressed) Levis...

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True dat -- and I love mock turtleneck soup

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Jun 10Liked by Roy Edroso

Save the endangered mock turtle's neck!

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Jun 10Liked by Roy Edroso

Alice is with ya 100%!

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Jun 10Liked by Roy Edroso

"sport jacket" is still too formal...

Even if it comes from the Johnny Carson collection? Because I know a website...

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Ed: Hey O!

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Jun 10Liked by Roy Edroso

"True, liberals weren’t the ones showing up at our church to scream at us about it, but that just shows how encased in their liberal bubble they are."

MmmmmmWAAAAHHH!

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Jun 10·edited Jun 10Liked by Roy Edroso

The fact we don't riot and attempt to murder government officials when one of our candidates loses an election just proves our cowardice, we all know it can't show anything good about us.

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Personally I wasn't going to travel half way across the country to scream at him for colonizing an Ethiopian kid

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Jun 10·edited Jun 10Liked by Roy Edroso

Giving the actual column a molecule more legitimacy than it deserves... well, let me put it like this: if the church could act in the way that it did, how in the name of fuck did French not see it coming? Might be addressed in the underlying but sometimes I actually look for answers and this time--again--lacking the requisite fuck to go look. Too, given the very high likelihood that it's not addressed, well, that's just more reason not to look.

Anyway, time to rerun a newer mini-rant: it continues to amaze me how the Times publisher, executive editor and opinion editor is each worse than their predecessor.

Now, not to double down on the on-brand dickishness, but here's like, another Edrosoesque humor piece. Read enough to give an A for effort but, of course, I couldn't do more than parse it given the subject matter and I my ever shrinking tolerance for same and the stuff like it.

https://whowhatwhy.org/politics/us-politics/trump-finally-weighs-in-on-controversial-shark-vs-electrocution-debate/

Speaking of amazed, I'm ever more amazed that if not at the time the commies first made the accusation, the US is really pretty decadent as seen in Roy's piece, the linked piece and that the GOP is in power let alone in the state it's in. To say the least.

Anyway, circling back: Apropos French, fuck his feelings, to coin a phrase.

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author

"they were not angry but they misunderstood who she was" is pretty good

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Jun 10Liked by Roy Edroso

"I’ll take electrocution every single time.*"

The followup asterisk is da bomb.

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Jun 10Liked by Roy Edroso

It's an actual quote? No way I'm listening to that audio.

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Jun 10Liked by Roy Edroso

Tell us, M what it is that you ... well, not 'like', but at least 'do not dislike least'...

We await, enthralled*.

*Hmm...too strong?

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There you go again with the cryptic stuff.

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I've heard of "to coin a phrase", but Bern's phrases are cryptocurrency.

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*rimshot*

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RIGHT?!?!?!?

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I wanted to give you the space to ease into it. Heaven forfend I suggest you tell us right out the gate what it is you do not dislike most.

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Still befogged here 🤫🤔🫤😬😵‍💫

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Eggsellent! I've succeeded in draggin' you down to my level! My plan for world...er...substack...domination is proceeding!

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Holy Vincent Price, Batman!

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tell us right out the gate what it is you do not dislike most.

tell us what you like most mostly given the double negative

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Hey, what's a little litotes between friends?

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Asking M to do that seems everso not. Hence, easy does it...

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Sasquatch is real -- of wait you wrote cryptic, not cryptid

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We all miss Tales From The Cryptid

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"fuck his feelings, to coin a phrase."

I'm old enough that my parents were old enough that their generation would follow such mildly taboo utterances as "goddammit" with the phrase "pardon my French". Sacre bleu!

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The Dickens you say! I swan, some people, bless their hearts.

And Harrumph. "Their generation". Bless your heart.

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Thanks to Trump mainstreaming gratuitous profanity, I’m evermore tempted to uh…. up my game to the C-word or ever so slightly less offensive alternatives.

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Carry on, carry on...

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I don't think carry is the C-word he meant

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Perhaps not, but encouragement never hurts...

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Sergeant, Nurse or Teacher?

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Covid?

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That, good sir, is funny.

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Many evangelicals had adopted foreign, non-white kids. My brother's family adopted a Chinese girl ~20 years ago and never had a problem

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Jun 10Liked by Roy Edroso

I had MSNBC on the radio on the way to work the other day (always a mistake, because I'm either infuriated by what they're reporting or how they're reporting it or both) and they actually had that asshole on. Fuck that guy.

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Jun 10Liked by Roy Edroso

Always. A. Mistake. I do the same thing with Nice Polite Republicans. Charlie Brown and the football.

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Jun 10Liked by Roy Edroso

There ya go, blamin' the male fer his haplessness, when in fact (and as ever'body knows) it's the perfidious female what jerks his chain...er, football...

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Me sainted Mammy taught me that women are higher beings, worthy of worship, far above the putrescence of males.

Yeah, she turned out to be a lesbian. Got honest with herself when I was about 18. "Why do you hate your mother?" Because she lied like rug. Later I met women - being totally harmless I was included in the 'let your hair down' discussions and learned that Mom was doing some serious overcompensating. Now, don't get me wrong, I adored her, but if she were alive today I'd give her a big, big hug.....then punch her in the nose. Take that, Sigmund, you sick fuck.

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Takes all kinds.

Actually, no. We could probly do without ALL kinds.

But takes SOME kinds.

"Ya kin chose yer friends butcha cain't chose yer relatives"...lucky for me the relatives I got are above average. Took me many decades to become fully aware of that.

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Jun 10Liked by Roy Edroso

"Bad people, interviewed badly."

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Never Present Reality.

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All sides (that matter) must be represented! They will hold the gas can while he fumbles for a match.

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Jun 10·edited Jun 10Liked by Roy Edroso

I wonder if David told them about the chastity belt he wanted his wife to wear while he was in Iraq bravely serving his country ( as a REMF lawyer, but still...)

Fundy's eat that shit up. After all, the whole religion is built around the men having having a virgin bride so she won't know just how small their dick actually is.

That was a remarkably good imitation

Of French 's style. You ever see"A Double Life" with Ronald Coleman? About this actor who starts to confuse his life with the roles that he's playing? He starts to think he's Othello. Badass movie. Directed by Cukor. Written by Ruth Gordon! Anyway - Don't get in too deep for the sake of your art!

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author

I have to see that!

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Jun 10Liked by Roy Edroso

"Ruth Gordon! A screenwriter!"

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Jun 10Liked by Roy Edroso

Shelly Winters wrote so funnily about filming in her autobiography.

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It’s often filed under film noir

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Jun 10Liked by Roy Edroso

"The Trouble With Templeton" was Rod Serlings' take on that. Good one.

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About this actor who starts to confuse his life with the roles that he's playing?

Didn't we all live this when Reagan was President?

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Jun 10Liked by Roy Edroso

Well this sounds a little too much like French to be comfortable. But it would fit well into the Times. Perhaps you should see if you could get a gig there?

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Never heard of this asshole, and now my day is thoroughly ruined. Still. Terrific takedown

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Jun 10Liked by Roy Edroso

"Never heard of him". Oh how I envy you. Be grateful you were spared this long...

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Jun 10Liked by Roy Edroso

Yeah. The good ol' days ended about an hour ago...

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And he's one of the "reasonable" ones. Formal, polite theocratic insanity.

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Oh man, that passive-aggressive bullshit drives me out of my mind. I get in trouble - there's *nothing* passive about my aggression. But as long as you express your hateful-ass ideas in a calm voice - no problem!

Autistic folk like me are painfully honest. We may not read the situation right, but we don't lie.

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Jun 10Liked by Roy Edroso

The David French campaign for President never reached your consciousness? How can that be? It was TAKING THE COUNTRY BY STORM.

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Oh, would that I had known! I would have sat on the very buckboard of the Frenchwagon!

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He is the Talleyrand of the Sexual Revolution!

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"Wienermobile" would be a valid name as well.

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OSCAR MEYER LIBEL!!!

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Jun 10Liked by Roy Edroso

The victim in Shirley Jackson’s “The Lottery”

writes a New York Times column. Film at 11.

Speaking of that Chan column, the Times went all out with the scrolling tables and graphics. Someone there really believes they are better equipped to evaluate Chan’s case than the editors of “Cell.”

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I'm not sure if the rubes have ever resolved the whole "it's a bioweapon" vs "it's nothing but the flu" vs "they ACTUALLY meant to kill us all with the vaccine" thing.

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No resolution needed. that's Trump's gift to them. Total freedom from all restraints, including the worst restraint of all, that annoying demand for logic and consistency.

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And if you point out the inconsistency, then ha ha, they win, because they made you look, ha ha, boy are YOU owned.

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But, but...the numbers NEVER lie!

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Oh, sure, Pi tells you it'll give you the circumference of a circle, but then it just goes on and on and on...

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Maths jokes...[sigh]

"Allah be praised! I've invented the zero!"

"What was that?"

"Oh, nothing, nothing.."

(from Why Man Creates, 1968)

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Bleach. It's what's for breakfast.

Then bend over, I got the UV light all greased up.

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Jun 10·edited Jun 10

I've always maintained you could kill off at least half of these morons if you could just get Michelle Obama to record a PSA advising people not to drink bleach (or battery acid, or Drano, choose your poison.) "Oh YEAH? You can't tell ME what NOT to do! CHUG CHUG CHUG"

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Jun 10Liked by Roy Edroso

Jesus Christ, Roy, give us a snark warning. Your first couple of sentences almost gave me a fucking coronary 🤣

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Jun 10Liked by Roy Edroso

I was into the third paragraph before I realized it was *not* David French.

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Jun 10Liked by Roy Edroso

Roy writes better David French than David French, and I'm convinced that David French knows this.

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Jun 10Liked by Roy Edroso

True, but the Times is never hiring writing ability when they hire a columnist. They're hiring a resume, and it damn sure better have "Republican" on it.

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Jun 10Liked by Roy Edroso

That was awesome, Boss. David French's tears are sweet sweet ambrosia.

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So is he Catholic or Jewish? Pick a side, fella! Is that true about the chastity belt?

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Jun 10Liked by Roy Edroso

I mean, what is truth? I mean, there's truths, and there's TRUTH, and they seldom overlap, know what I mean?

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Jun 10Liked by Roy Edroso

Truth is whatever remains when the edibles wear off.

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Jun 10Liked by Roy Edroso

As it's you, I cede the point, tho I'd want validation from WorriedMan just to be certain.

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Jun 10Liked by Roy Edroso

About the chastity belt, he may have been "joking" in that passive-aggressive way that abusive men do, "I ever catch you with another guy, I'll kill the both o' you! Ha ha! JOKING!"

His wife can do whatever she wants of course, but I do hope she got herself fucked by everyone from the gardener to the pool boy to the pool boy's smokin' hot sister.

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Jun 10Liked by Roy Edroso

Your ideas are intriguing to me, and I wish to subscribe to your newsletter.

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Jun 10Liked by Roy Edroso

Oh, just you wait til I finish my pivot to video!

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She admitted to talking to their male priest with no one else present, and it drove David crazier

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She didn't HAVE LUNCH WITH HIM, did she? Because we call that "Mike Pence Sex".

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Jun 10·edited Jun 10Liked by Roy Edroso

Long ago, I remember seeing this "They're not really conservatives" bit from liberals, attached to an argument that "they don't really want to 'conserve' anything" because they're willing to reduce the whole planet to a burnt-out cinder if there's a buck in it. And yeah, I get that, but it's not my job to save the word "conservative" from the assholes currently using it.

So yes, "conservative" is whatever the people calling themselves conservative say it is. Overthrow our established constitutional order, shit on all norms of civilized behavior, it's ALL conservative, it's YOUR word, conservatives, make it mean whatever you want, sane people will always know it as a fancy word for "asshole."

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Jun 10Liked by Roy Edroso

The good thing (?) is that they're working enthusiastically to make using "fascist" a valid alternative.

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Jun 10Liked by Roy Edroso

Ha ha, remember all the nice liberals who used to argue that "fascist" was going too far? Whatever happened to them?

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Jun 10Liked by Roy Edroso

Has the revolution officially started? 'Cause there's this wall over here with a buncha folks up against it...

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Well, he did say "Build the wall" didn't he? Can't say you weren't warned, walls gots all kinda uses!

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Aw rats! It's not on television.

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But...I do believe there's a driver's seat waiting JUST for you.

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author

They're doing research for Jonathan Chait.

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Ha ha, they never miss a paycheck.

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Jun 10Liked by Roy Edroso

IIRC, the term "conservative" first came into play by writers (Burke?) who wanted to restore the monarchy in Europe after the French Revolution. So they've come full circle, elevating Mad King Donald to the American throne.

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Jun 10Liked by Roy Edroso

Exactly, it's NEVER meant "Conserve the present order", if the present order is something they don't like, then destroy it, duh.

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Jun 10Liked by Roy Edroso

Steve Bannon has been very very clear his goal is to smash the federal government into little bitty pieces. You gotta hand it to Republicans, they've been up front about what they really want since Gingrich. They just use words like "freedom" the way they used "urban" or "liberal".

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When they get to "rootless cosmopolites" let me know, I'll pack the car and head to Canada.

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My cohort of left coast lefties had a long list of bailout spots lined up in 2000. None of them bailed, for some reason. Gluttons for abuse, I guess.

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Yeah, I joke, but I'll see you in the camps along with all the others who were too lazy to move.

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Jun 10·edited Jun 10Liked by Roy Edroso

Hey, did the bird flu come from a government lab too? Are the YouTube Epidemiologists on that one yet? Because God knows, the natural world wouldn't have any reasons for wanting to wipe us out.

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Jun 10Liked by Roy Edroso

Duh. Chemtrails have biological components too. Wake up, sheeple!

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Well, David Freedom has biological components, too, but that doesn't mean we have to take him seriously, either.

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Jun 10Liked by Roy Edroso

All diseases are bioweapons, except for the ones that are fake, which is all of them, except for the ones God uses to kill people, which is all of them, except for the ones that can be cured with apple cider vinegar, which is all of them, except for the ones you actually have to get treated in the hospital, which were all created by the people who created GoFundMe. Or something.

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Jun 10Liked by Roy Edroso

It's a bioweapon! It's the common cold! It's a bioweapon! It's the common cold! She's my daughter! She's my sister!

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Jun 10Liked by Roy Edroso

It's a dessert topping! It's a floor wax!

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Jun 10Liked by Roy Edroso

By George, I think he's got it!

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You outfrenched French👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾

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Jun 10Liked by Roy Edroso

Well, now I'm sad too.

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