Anybody wanna start a betting pool on the next Speaker? Nancy Pelosi showed the nation that a woman knows how to get things done, working with both sides of the aisle — in this case, both the lunatic Republicans and the spineless Republicans — so I'm going with Margie. MTG! MTG! MTG!
I want Gaetz to get the job. A total dope who thinks he's really something, he'll be thrilled to discover just how completely unmanageable his Freedumb Caucus friends are. Even better, because he's so well despised by everyone, there's a good chance he could get kicked to the curb in under 24 hours, thus eclipsing the record presently held by Henry Hyde.
Do any of them want ANY job? I mean, like actual work and responsibilities? I always assumed the plan was to build up enough of a following and then off to a REAL career as YouTube Influencer.
Hah, Joe Rogan has far too much gravitas for these folks. More like this guy, "Youtube prankster Tanner Cook, 21, who runs the Classified Goons YouTube channel."
Which gives me the opportunity to inform you lugs that Millard Fillmore is buried in a gorgeous historic cemetery in Buffalo within spitting distance of the final resting place of Rick James, whose grave I suggest you do an image search for. We should all be remembered thusly.
“Why didn’t you save us from imploding? Now we REALLY hate you, and will foist the most loathsome imbecile we can find on you” is such a textbook GOP train of thought when it comes to Democrats, I wouldn’t be surprised if Richard Hanania is the next Speaker.
Mexican Satanic cartels bringing ChiCom fentanyl over the open border to fund George Soros' ANTIFA cultural Marxists to buy HARDCORE PORNOGRAPHY like "Goodnight, Moon" to turn kids transgender!
Excellent choices all, but I suggest you drop Viktor Orban from the list. If Orban moves to the United States he's likely to bring Rod Dreher with him, and nobody wants Dreher back.
All fine choices. Dunno how it could be limited to just three.
That said, who wouldn’t like to see Fulton County (GA) Inmate No. P01135809 as Speaker? What with all his trials (including the currently ongoing on in which he said he would testify even there’s nothing for he can testify) taking up much of his time, his appearances would be relatively limited.
If appointed, I’d expect his next thing would be pardoning himself even from the state actions and shutting down the J6 case -- which of course would be DOA in the Senate.
Of course, it’s going to be even worse between now and January 2025 than if Gaetz didn’t play the (statutory rapey) BSD, but there you go. That genie isn’t going back into the bottle. What a moron...
Actually, no. They’re too crazed to do anything that could result in a filibuster. Besides, filibusters are the senate’s thing not the house’s.
Silver lining is that the cray-cray will receive frequent reporting of a kind that will (*snicker*) put the GOP in a deserved, well-earned bad light. Of course, how awful that behavior will be… (*shiver*)
Someday, after the Untied States resolves its/their differences, saves the world, and issues a pony to very child, 2 marks will be carved on your memorial.
You know, Sheriff Dave is on my more to be pitied than censured list - the childish/cartoonish badges and medals, the bewildered look in his eyes as if he's wondering what happened to his marbles. Unfortunately these are not impediments to a career in Republican politics.
Yeah, I got to wondering whatever happened to the guy after he resigned as Sheriff. Wikipedia tells me he took a position with Trump's Super PAC, then left that to be on the board of Steve Bannon's Build the Wall, a scam that resulted in 3 people being convicted for fraud (but not Clarke). In 2021 he started his own right-wing nonprofit, Rise Up, and now he's talking about running for Senate against Tammy Baldwin. In short, the usual purgatory of "projects" that go nowhere that fill the days of has-beens like him.
Don't want to overstrain my empathy glands, but I do wonder what it's like to be David Clarke. Always just around the corner is the Next Big Thing. You could be a Senator! Or maybe Gauleiter for the North-Central District! The Next Big Thing never materializes, but just around the corner there's Another Big Thing...
So you set up a nonprofit with an office and a website, but you're just one of thousands of guys with nonprofits with offices and websites. And then you die, The End.
He's a killer, though, with four inmate deaths in six months on his watch in his Milwaukee County jail, and women inmates giving birth in shackles (one baby died).
"This approach would have the added appeal of making child molestation seem less toxic, like something a Republican could bounce back from."
"It may seem an impediment that Fogel is still in prison but, given the possibility that their 2024 presidential candidate will be, too, Republicans may see this as an opportunity to normalize that as well."
Isn’t it time for a Real American, and Some Bum Off The Street is a Real American, so he has my vote. Judging by today’s NYT piece, Rudy is inching ever closer to being Some Bum Off The Street, ergo Rudy for Speaker? A vote for Rudy is a vote for Boehner-style day-drinking leadership.
Besides, “can’t string words together in a coherent fashion, articulate a policy position, or retain control of his bladder” is as cogent a definition of MAGA as I have ever seen.
Taylor Swift. And I'm not kidding. The Republican party would immediately gain zillions of adherents, and putting her in the Speaker's chair would automatically make her part of the establishment, and thus turn her into a big-corporations-and-private-health-care-are-really-OK-when-you-think-about-it shill. Eventually she'd get tired of the gig, but by then the purpose would have been achieved.
If we're devolving to AI, I say go all the way to animatronic Abe. He's already Republican and we can put in his mouth any words we want. I'm pretty certain we can break his Disney contract (what the hell – just take him by eminent domain).
"What the hell happened with the Reconstruction?! Get them soldiers back down there and finish the damn job! Booth? What you doing here? Don't wave that gun at me, you idiot – I'm impervious now! Go bump off some loser mendicant congresscritter!"
These are all excellent suggestions. Since the purpose of any Speaker approved by the Freedom Fringe would be to shut down the government without actually saying so, and since bladder control is vastly overrated in a politician, I vote for random crazy bum. However, you did mention Alan Keyes in your Sheriff Clarke intro, and he's an intriguing choice if for no other reason than he was the inspiration for kung fu monkey's 27% crazification factor.
It's still 27%. The number gets bigger when you add in the ones terrified of sticking their heads up for fear of getting whacked (in both senses of the word).
You don't have to be a member of the House to be speaker, but do you have to be alive? I don't see any such requirement, and if enough Republicans open their eyes they would see their perfect candidate -- Rush Limbaugh. Each House session would have to begin with a seance, but this move could really drive the libs, feminazis and other sane people crazy (which is the purpose of governing from the right, isn't it?).
How about that ham sandwich everybody's always talking about indicting? It would drive the Muslims crazy, which for all good Republicans is a consummation devoutly to be wished.
Hear me out. I have two poodles. One is as sweet and gentle and as easy to live with as can be. The other is demanding, yappy, impatient, self-absorbed, and occasionally and without antecedent, bites. I nominate the second one. As a bonus, he naps a lot.
Anybody wanna start a betting pool on the next Speaker? Nancy Pelosi showed the nation that a woman knows how to get things done, working with both sides of the aisle — in this case, both the lunatic Republicans and the spineless Republicans — so I'm going with Margie. MTG! MTG! MTG!
I want Gaetz to get the job. A total dope who thinks he's really something, he'll be thrilled to discover just how completely unmanageable his Freedumb Caucus friends are. Even better, because he's so well despised by everyone, there's a good chance he could get kicked to the curb in under 24 hours, thus eclipsing the record presently held by Henry Hyde.
Poetic justice, to be sure. But do you think he'd really want the job? I wonder if he doesn't relish his self-assumed role of Bold Upstart too much.
Do any of them want ANY job? I mean, like actual work and responsibilities? I always assumed the plan was to build up enough of a following and then off to a REAL career as YouTube Influencer.
Accurate. Guys in Congress used to long to be President someday. Now they long to be Joe Rogan.
Hah, Joe Rogan has far too much gravitas for these folks. More like this guy, "Youtube prankster Tanner Cook, 21, who runs the Classified Goons YouTube channel."
https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2023/sep/30/delivery-driver-youtube-prankster-shooting-not-guilty
What the actual fuck.
On other news, the Guardian is reporting that Gym Class Jordan is looking to be the new Speaker. Hilarity ensues.
If he gets to be Bold Upstart, who's gonna play Bolt Upright?
They say he wants to run for governor of Florida. Rick Wilson thinks it'll be the loathesome (my word, not his) Elise Stefanik.
Bob Livingston gets the Millard Fillmore award here.
Better than the Mallard Fillmore award.
Which gives me the opportunity to inform you lugs that Millard Fillmore is buried in a gorgeous historic cemetery in Buffalo within spitting distance of the final resting place of Rick James, whose grave I suggest you do an image search for. We should all be remembered thusly.
If they’re in close proximity, I hope Rick James’s “You And I” is playing on loop.
Boebert! Good with her hands!
::drumkit sting::
Well, you know, idle hands are the Devil's Mexican sweatshop, so she hadda keep 'em busy.
Idle hands and minds are the result of failing to engage the clutch. Boebert's hands, on the other...uhm...hand...
She most definitely engaged the clutch
I hear her boyfriend got to second gear.
2 gears!
“Why didn’t you save us from imploding? Now we REALLY hate you, and will foist the most loathsome imbecile we can find on you” is such a textbook GOP train of thought when it comes to Democrats, I wouldn’t be surprised if Richard Hanania is the next Speaker.
Yeah, Murc's law was gettin' a real workout yesterday. "But... but... what will the Democrats DO about this?"
How un-American of the Dems to allow the GOP to have the public meltdown they've been working up to for months.
How long before the Republicans try to persuade us the Dems are the majority party? Get out of here with your elitist arithmetic!
Time for a change! Democrat control of the House has only given us China, China, Fentanyl and China! Help Republicans take back the House in 2024!
Mexican Satanic cartels bringing ChiCom fentanyl over the open border to fund George Soros' ANTIFA cultural Marxists to buy HARDCORE PORNOGRAPHY like "Goodnight, Moon" to turn kids transgender!
28 words total, only 15 are direct-to-the-Amyglyda buzzwords. Score: 54%, Needs work.
I'm surprised there's not a special Carnival Cruise for all of that.
My three apropos choices for New Speaker:
1. Viktor Orban
2. Kyle Rittenhouse
3. The shade of Roy Cohn, accessed through an Ouija board
Excellent choices all, but I suggest you drop Viktor Orban from the list. If Orban moves to the United States he's likely to bring Rod Dreher with him, and nobody wants Dreher back.
Oh, jeez, good point!
The Renfield to Orban's Dracula.
LOL, perfection. Except it was possible to feel sympathy for Renfield.
Rittenhouse is an inspired choice, and couldn't be worse than Stefanik or Jordan.
Rittenhouse is like the Congressional equivalent to rooting for injuries.
Guess the Reps will switch off the metal detector first...
I believe "shut down the fucking mags" is the proper phrase if you happen to be President of the United States.
They're not here to shoot ME...
All fine choices. Dunno how it could be limited to just three.
That said, who wouldn’t like to see Fulton County (GA) Inmate No. P01135809 as Speaker? What with all his trials (including the currently ongoing on in which he said he would testify even there’s nothing for he can testify) taking up much of his time, his appearances would be relatively limited.
If appointed, I’d expect his next thing would be pardoning himself even from the state actions and shutting down the J6 case -- which of course would be DOA in the Senate.
Of course, it’s going to be even worse between now and January 2025 than if Gaetz didn’t play the (statutory rapey) BSD, but there you go. That genie isn’t going back into the bottle. What a moron...
And Dog knows, he loves to Speak.
Every day's a filibuster.
Actually, no. They’re too crazed to do anything that could result in a filibuster. Besides, filibusters are the senate’s thing not the house’s.
Silver lining is that the cray-cray will receive frequent reporting of a kind that will (*snicker*) put the GOP in a deserved, well-earned bad light. Of course, how awful that behavior will be… (*shiver*)
I think Roy ought to be speaker. I've always felt that REBID should be read into the Congressional record.
Holy...!
Someday, after the Untied States resolves its/their differences, saves the world, and issues a pony to very child, 2 marks will be carved on your memorial.
But only if the United States Treasury pays him $7 a month first!
Why do you hate Roy so much as to say this even in jest??
BTW; how are the pups?
Dogs are good! If the weather breaks these are always the best days of the year. The weather is breaking fine.
I have no opinion (insert HA!) but
“The Only Law West of the Anacostia”
wins the day!
2 marks!
(and good to know the boss ain't forgot his old stompin' swamps)
You know, Sheriff Dave is on my more to be pitied than censured list - the childish/cartoonish badges and medals, the bewildered look in his eyes as if he's wondering what happened to his marbles. Unfortunately these are not impediments to a career in Republican politics.
Yeah, I got to wondering whatever happened to the guy after he resigned as Sheriff. Wikipedia tells me he took a position with Trump's Super PAC, then left that to be on the board of Steve Bannon's Build the Wall, a scam that resulted in 3 people being convicted for fraud (but not Clarke). In 2021 he started his own right-wing nonprofit, Rise Up, and now he's talking about running for Senate against Tammy Baldwin. In short, the usual purgatory of "projects" that go nowhere that fill the days of has-beens like him.
Hey, if we can elect somebody like Ron Johnson...
I’ll bet his bank account has gone somewhere. Like the Caymans.
Or under a duck
Don't want to overstrain my empathy glands, but I do wonder what it's like to be David Clarke. Always just around the corner is the Next Big Thing. You could be a Senator! Or maybe Gauleiter for the North-Central District! The Next Big Thing never materializes, but just around the corner there's Another Big Thing...
So you set up a nonprofit with an office and a website, but you're just one of thousands of guys with nonprofits with offices and websites. And then you die, The End.
Tho the training from the masters may lead to steady income from the nutritional supplement hoovering crowd...
He's a killer, though, with four inmate deaths in six months on his watch in his Milwaukee County jail, and women inmates giving birth in shackles (one baby died).
"That baby knew what it could be getting into when it committed the crime" (any number of equally whack-doodle RWNJ apologists)
"I blame the children for picking the wrong parents, who I also blame."
It's a fair cop.
We’ll be charging them too.
"It's always the children, Seymour."
He's got Crazy Attack Eyes
"This approach would have the added appeal of making child molestation seem less toxic, like something a Republican could bounce back from."
"It may seem an impediment that Fogel is still in prison but, given the possibility that their 2024 presidential candidate will be, too, Republicans may see this as an opportunity to normalize that as well."
Good stuff!
This is the trick, I think: To get ahead of reality. New developments can't shock you if you're already there.
That seems like it goes hand in hand with reality overtaking satire.
"They're rounding the turn, neck and neck! Edroso is really giving Satire the whip, and pulling ahead but Reality is coming up fast!"
And if Satire and Reality would just stop with the necking, we might finally get to the end of this damn race!
Isn’t it time for a Real American, and Some Bum Off The Street is a Real American, so he has my vote. Judging by today’s NYT piece, Rudy is inching ever closer to being Some Bum Off The Street, ergo Rudy for Speaker? A vote for Rudy is a vote for Boehner-style day-drinking leadership.
Besides, “can’t string words together in a coherent fashion, articulate a policy position, or retain control of his bladder” is as cogent a definition of MAGA as I have ever seen.
Not so good with the bowel control either, if the Jan. 6 insurrectionists are any indication.
That was just homemade arms manufacturing.
Dropping the bomb.
https://youtu.be/5tcTE5Dv-Dk?si=byJvMVI4A8Lq8tUk
Ha ha, like I'd actually click on that link, given the... um... content of this thread.
I'll just assume it's "Two Proud Boys, One Cup"
Expected & much appreciated. "West Wing Crew, now whatcha gonna do."
Does it even have to be a person? If not how about Speaker Package of Fudge Rounds?
Inanimate Carbon Rod for Speaker!
We toured the Capitol and got to see the Rod!
Brilliant solution! At least as effective.
Taylor Swift. And I'm not kidding. The Republican party would immediately gain zillions of adherents, and putting her in the Speaker's chair would automatically make her part of the establishment, and thus turn her into a big-corporations-and-private-health-care-are-really-OK-when-you-think-about-it shill. Eventually she'd get tired of the gig, but by then the purpose would have been achieved.
Not bad. Didn't heart because I am hesitant to endorse any of the proposals so far (other than our Esteemed Host).
As long as I don't have to listen to the music.
AI Tom Hanks is the obvious choice. He's already doing dental insurance ads, seems like a natural next step.
If we're devolving to AI, I say go all the way to animatronic Abe. He's already Republican and we can put in his mouth any words we want. I'm pretty certain we can break his Disney contract (what the hell – just take him by eminent domain).
"What the hell happened with the Reconstruction?! Get them soldiers back down there and finish the damn job! Booth? What you doing here? Don't wave that gun at me, you idiot – I'm impervious now! Go bump off some loser mendicant congresscritter!"
These are all excellent suggestions. Since the purpose of any Speaker approved by the Freedom Fringe would be to shut down the government without actually saying so, and since bladder control is vastly overrated in a politician, I vote for random crazy bum. However, you did mention Alan Keyes in your Sheriff Clarke intro, and he's an intriguing choice if for no other reason than he was the inspiration for kung fu monkey's 27% crazification factor.
How I long for the days when we thought it was only 27%.
It's still 27%. The number gets bigger when you add in the ones terrified of sticking their heads up for fear of getting whacked (in both senses of the word).
Who's the Mole??!!
You don't have to be a member of the House to be speaker, but do you have to be alive? I don't see any such requirement, and if enough Republicans open their eyes they would see their perfect candidate -- Rush Limbaugh. Each House session would have to begin with a seance, but this move could really drive the libs, feminazis and other sane people crazy (which is the purpose of governing from the right, isn't it?).
The Man, The Myth, The Legend: Vladimir Vladimirovich Putin.
(The only man Republicans actually obey. Besides, who said he had to be American?)
Ladies and Gentlemen, we have a winner.
Well, we KNOW the Capitol building has windows, so the vote would go his way
Hadn't thought of "All competing candidates fall out of windows", but now that you've brought it up, Putin is DEFINITELY my choice.
Or thorium poisoning, your choice, he's a reasonable man
Just stay outta airplanes, is all I'm sayin'...
Defenestration. Fall 2023.
How about that ham sandwich everybody's always talking about indicting? It would drive the Muslims crazy, which for all good Republicans is a consummation devoutly to be wished.
But not ham on rye, that's suspiciously ethnic. Ham on white, extra mayo, this is Republicans we're talkin' about, after all.
Steve, Miracle Whip..
Colin Jost as Pete Buttigieg: "People call me Mayo Pete, but honestly, I'm not that spicy."
Rosebid... Henri... hold the mustard
Ham sandwiches are delicious!
Gaetz as Butthead and McCarthy as Beavis:
M: Whaddaya mean you're gonna vote me out, butt-munch?
G: Huh-huh, huh - yeah. You suck!
M: No. YOU suck, you douchenozzle! You think you can take me? Well, BRING IT!
G: Huh-huh, oh, it's brought.
Now THAT'S gravitas.
Hear me out. I have two poodles. One is as sweet and gentle and as easy to live with as can be. The other is demanding, yappy, impatient, self-absorbed, and occasionally and without antecedent, bites. I nominate the second one. As a bonus, he naps a lot.
But could you stand to be away from it all 13 days the house is in session?
I could, but the nice one couldn’t.