Sadly, I think "Meat" would actually fill stadiums these days. Especially if the half-time festivities consisted of march poor people out on to the field for ritual public humiliation.
LOL. To be really MAGA and represent the GOP’s America, just give everybody an assault rifle and have them shoot it out on the field of play. Downside: your new-player draft period would be 365 days a year, but I’ll bet the MAGAts would be lining up. Leopards, faces, not theirs, etc.
Awesome timing, Royton. I was just thinking about how our failed-state USA resembles Imperial Rome, where the ultra-wealthy provided "panes et circenses" to keep the masses docile & distracted.
But we've done them one better: we have the circuses but not the bread. U-S-A! U-S-A!
You forgot that the cheerleaders will be strippers who will talk to the big money ticket holders who are all handsome, successful men who can obviously afford to buy the cheerleader a magnum of champagne.
Before getting to Roy's fine proposals, I was thinking, albeit not through, something like this:
15 man teams (because I like the number), played on a football-sized field.
First round, fifteen minutes of the athletes engaging in non-lethal combat which is to say beating the shit out of each other.
Second round: Same but with non-lethal objects such as bats, pipes, maybe so piano wire for a touch of class.
Third round: Handguns! Shooting till the ammo runs out and, it is hoped, enough athletes survive for the next round.
Fourth round: Assault weapons till the last man standing.
Bonus round: Skybox owners are allowed onto the field to pick up the bats, pipes, etc., to beat any of the not fully dead players to death. Each other too, if they want.
Yes, I concede there may be a problem finding sufficient players every week but the money's there. What red blooded real American man isn't convinced that he would survive and if not, would feel manly AF to leave the family a small fortune?
I'm so excited by the concept that I can't wait to buy some Mar-A-Lago MAGAts swag!
So much for sarcasm. Query though whether any of these concepts, our Master's and mine, could actually catch on. Of course, now that Roy's thrown the idea out here, our betters' failing to follow through would clearly be cancelling which is to say unacceptable.
Brilliantly hilarious. And like all excellent satire, it's based in our unfortunate reality. Let us remind ourselves of what our Dearest and Forever Leader said with his typical eloquence about the sport:
"Today if you hit too hard—15 yards! Throw him out of the game! They had that last week. I watched for a couple of minutes. Two guys, just really, beautiful tackle. Boom, 15 yards! The referee gets on television—his wife is sitting at home, she's so proud of him... They're ruining the game! They're ruining the game. That's what they want to do. They want to hit. They want to hit! It is hurting the game. But do you know what's hurting the game more than that? When people like yourselves turn on the television and you see those players taking the knee when they're playing our great national anthem. The only thing you could do better is if you see it, even if it's one player, leave the stadium. I guarantee things will stop. Things will stop. Just pick up and leave. Pick up and leave. Not the same game anymore, anyway."
"Wouldn't you love to see one of these NFL owners, when somebody disrespects our flag, to say, 'Get that son of a bitch off the field right now, out, he's fired. He's FIRED!' You know, some owner is gonna do that. He's gonna say, 'That guy disrespects our flag; he's fired.' And that owner, they don't know it. They don't know it. They're friends of mine, many of them. They don't know it. They'll be the most popular person, for a week. They'll be the most popular person in this country."
This puts me in mind of the beginning of that awful sci-fo adaptation of Beowulf starrig Christopher Lambert & Rhea Litre, which begins with the rabble outside the castle chopping someone in two with a giant office paper cutter... Good times
Sadly, I think "Meat" would actually fill stadiums these days. Especially if the half-time festivities consisted of march poor people out on to the field for ritual public humiliation.
LOL. To be really MAGA and represent the GOP’s America, just give everybody an assault rifle and have them shoot it out on the field of play. Downside: your new-player draft period would be 365 days a year, but I’ll bet the MAGAts would be lining up. Leopards, faces, not theirs, etc.
Awesome timing, Royton. I was just thinking about how our failed-state USA resembles Imperial Rome, where the ultra-wealthy provided "panes et circenses" to keep the masses docile & distracted.
But we've done them one better: we have the circuses but not the bread. U-S-A! U-S-A!
You forgot that the cheerleaders will be strippers who will talk to the big money ticket holders who are all handsome, successful men who can obviously afford to buy the cheerleader a magnum of champagne.
And here I didn't think I cared for professional sports —
Before getting to Roy's fine proposals, I was thinking, albeit not through, something like this:
15 man teams (because I like the number), played on a football-sized field.
First round, fifteen minutes of the athletes engaging in non-lethal combat which is to say beating the shit out of each other.
Second round: Same but with non-lethal objects such as bats, pipes, maybe so piano wire for a touch of class.
Third round: Handguns! Shooting till the ammo runs out and, it is hoped, enough athletes survive for the next round.
Fourth round: Assault weapons till the last man standing.
Bonus round: Skybox owners are allowed onto the field to pick up the bats, pipes, etc., to beat any of the not fully dead players to death. Each other too, if they want.
Yes, I concede there may be a problem finding sufficient players every week but the money's there. What red blooded real American man isn't convinced that he would survive and if not, would feel manly AF to leave the family a small fortune?
I'm so excited by the concept that I can't wait to buy some Mar-A-Lago MAGAts swag!
So much for sarcasm. Query though whether any of these concepts, our Master's and mine, could actually catch on. Of course, now that Roy's thrown the idea out here, our betters' failing to follow through would clearly be cancelling which is to say unacceptable.
Third round
You almost had me. Also, "Eh-Sayers" is fabulous
(Interesting coincidence that Trumpov's Own New Jersey Generals helmets are not depicted.)
What, no firearms? Pfft!
Someone’s been reading up on his “43-Man Squamish.”
Somewhere Vince McMahon is saying "The XFL did it first."
Brilliantly hilarious. And like all excellent satire, it's based in our unfortunate reality. Let us remind ourselves of what our Dearest and Forever Leader said with his typical eloquence about the sport:
"Today if you hit too hard—15 yards! Throw him out of the game! They had that last week. I watched for a couple of minutes. Two guys, just really, beautiful tackle. Boom, 15 yards! The referee gets on television—his wife is sitting at home, she's so proud of him... They're ruining the game! They're ruining the game. That's what they want to do. They want to hit. They want to hit! It is hurting the game. But do you know what's hurting the game more than that? When people like yourselves turn on the television and you see those players taking the knee when they're playing our great national anthem. The only thing you could do better is if you see it, even if it's one player, leave the stadium. I guarantee things will stop. Things will stop. Just pick up and leave. Pick up and leave. Not the same game anymore, anyway."
"Wouldn't you love to see one of these NFL owners, when somebody disrespects our flag, to say, 'Get that son of a bitch off the field right now, out, he's fired. He's FIRED!' You know, some owner is gonna do that. He's gonna say, 'That guy disrespects our flag; he's fired.' And that owner, they don't know it. They don't know it. They're friends of mine, many of them. They don't know it. They'll be the most popular person, for a week. They'll be the most popular person in this country."
Awesome.
I about spit my coffee on the "pounding" in Buttball. LOL
Surely Birmingham Jailers.
This puts me in mind of the beginning of that awful sci-fo adaptation of Beowulf starrig Christopher Lambert & Rhea Litre, which begins with the rabble outside the castle chopping someone in two with a giant office paper cutter... Good times
Why just not opt for Rollerball? There's a MOVIE, people! And that makes it 135% more real!