140 Comments
Aug 24, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

JFC *Forty-five minutes*!! Which, I'd like to be the first to comment the obvious, is forty-five minutes too long.

Me, I'd love to see, and maybe contribute to, a Democrat super PAC that would run a shit ton of commercials and ads running up to the election wherein they just run clips of insanity from the debates and Trump's court appearances as well as, of course, Trump's Atlanta mug shot, everything with a tagline like "Fit For Office?". (As for the mug shot, hope the photo shows that he's lost a lot of hair of late, which is why the bizarre combover has been looking way more bizarre.)

But that somewhat aside, of what importance are any of these debates, more so without fPOTUS who, if present, would at least provide entertainment what with his growing more unhinged by the day?

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Aug 24, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

Some helpful reminder January 6 footage would be nice as well.

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Aug 24, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

Of course.

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But it might be Partisan and Divisive! It might Alienate The Independents!

It's such a good idea, given the GOP bringing up 2020, that they SHOULD do it - but they might get a mean op/ed over it, so they won't.

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Aug 24, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

Isn't this what the Lincoln Project is for? You want some really nasty negative ads, hire yourself some Republicans.

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Aug 24, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

If anything could break the spell, it would be an image - not words, not facts and evidence, certainly. Like that scene in Man Who Would Be King where the girl scratches Sean Connery's face and draws blood, and they realize he's not a God. I'm not saying the mug shot would do it, but it would have to be something like that. Like maybe a video clip of him standing up in a courtroom saying "Yes, your honor." Couldn't be more than a second or two, anything longer would give them time to put up the blast shields.

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Aug 24, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

What spell exactly? The MAGA wing of the GOP?

As for ads and stuff, I am sort of prosing a shit ton of ads and commercials with the vibe of LBJ’s daisy commercial in 64.

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Aug 24, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

Yeah, the spell he holds over his fans. The BBC had a talk with a half-dozen Republican voters in Milwaukee, all of them said they didn't believe the 2020 election was stolen, one even went so far as to say "He's a sore loser." Would they vote for Trump again? Yes, absolutely! Somehow, them admitting that he was lying about the election being stolen makes it even worse.

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Aug 24, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

If that’s the cohort, of course nothing would change their minds.

And what’s funny is that by and by, fPOTUS’ administration was pretty much what even a pre-Trump Republican POTUS would anyway. Which is to say that if that’s what they want -- that is, policies implemented -- pretty much nearly all of the wannabes would do that. What makes Trump a problem for the party is his toxicity. He’d probably do worse than any of the POS desiring the nomination.

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Aug 24, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

I'll never forget the woman who said, two years into Trump's presidency, "I'm so happy everyone is saying 'Merry Christmas' again." Now THAT'S a policy implemented!

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Aug 24, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

😂 x ♾️

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It might be funny to ask a series of MAGA Trump fans if they like his policies and, if so, what they are. In five seconds it would devolve into a version of Jay Leno's Jaywalking, where ordinary people out on the street are asked simple questions, and reveal the surreal level of stupidity of The American People.

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Aug 24, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

"Um... the economy bein' good."

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Aug 24, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

Mah guns

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That sort of thing only works in the movies. Like "The Dead Zone."

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Aug 24, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

“Scott gets a welfare question.” Well of course. You get the Black guy to condemn the social safety net, that’s GOP 101.

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Aug 24, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

"Senator, how many bags of fudge rounds do you have in your possession AT THIS VERY MOMENT?"

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Aug 24, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

Who’d’ve guessed Fudge Rounds would get their moment so early in this election cycle?

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I will not stand for Snack Cake erasure!

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My money was on Little Debbie to win. I lost a bundle!

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Aug 24, 2023·edited Aug 24, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

The Mystery Of The Oreo With The Fudge Rounds

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Aug 24, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

Wouldn't that question go to the Governor?

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Aug 24, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

Ladies and Gentlemen, meet your next Secretary of Housing and Urban Development!

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Aug 24, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

Fudge Rounds in every pot.

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They hand him the Ben Carson Memorial Grift Sack with the words "Deposit Payoffs Here" stenciled on it.

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Aug 24, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

He's so dumb he actually *believes* the snipe is out there waiting to go into the sack.

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Aug 24, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

Either that or the Herman Cain Death From Covid Participation Trophy.

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"Should there be a Constitutional Amendment requiring young men to pull their pants up?"

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Aug 24, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

You know what really gets my goat? Every time I get an invitation to a baby shower, and I go to the registry -- I do NOT just go pick something cute, that’s just dumb, she registered for a reason! -- and I don’t just pick the second cheapest thing or whatever, I SPLURGE, and the next thing you know, I get a call from Ruth -- Brittanee’s in labor. Two weeks later, haven’t heard a thing, right? NO BABY. She had one of those epidural abortions. You know when they change their minds mid-push. I just want to know what happened to all the Pack’n’Plays I paid for!

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Ms. März, I would subscribe to ur Substack

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Aug 24, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

You’ve made my day, Grouchy.

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Aug 24, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

If it's not called The Marvelous Ms. März I will be VERY disappointed.

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Aug 24, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

I was thinking more along the lines of Crabby Old Hag

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Aug 24, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

Nope, the CrowdSource has spoken!

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The new "Your views interest me and I wish to subscribe to your newsletter".

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I think I know why "I wish to follow you on X" isn't taking off.

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"He in fact sounds methed up, which I guess is supposed to be a signifier for youth." That's an answer to my only question about the debate, addressed to house pharmacologists.

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I was a working musician in the 80's and around a lot of people on coke. Dude had everything but a rock in his nostril.

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That's where my mind was going. Only one kind of drug I know of gives you that insane pitchman confidence

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Aug 24, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

Thank you for watching this so I didn't have to. Yecch —

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Tone deaf mfers . . . They should’ve used an accent like Charlie Berens uses for his Cripescast episodes. https://www.cripescast.com/

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Aug 24, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

Charlie Berens, hadn't heard from him since Manitowoc Minute! I clicked on the link, seems like he's doin' OK.

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Aug 24, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

You’re a better man than I am, Gunga Din. Er, Roy. I couldn’t watch one minute. Hell, I couldn’t even go in the den where the TV lives.

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Aug 24, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

"The consensus is that climate change exists and is someone else’s problem."

I am SO excited to hear this, it's only taken 40 years to get to "The consensus is that climate change exists" maybe with just another 40 years they'll get to "it's OUR problem."

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Aug 24, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

80 years to arrive at a sense of responsibility? You are a wild-eyed optimist.

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Aug 24, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

So true, I am. In fact, I'll go so far as to say a couple more summers like this one and they might make it in 79.

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The Marty Feldman of optimisim!

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Aug 24, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

"Climate change exists and we'll do something about it over our dead bodies. And yours, too."

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Aug 24, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

What a fool I am, I assumed that once we got agreement on "The house is on fire" it would be relatively simple matter to hook the hose up to the fire hydrant and get to work putting it out. Then they showed up with the gasoline truck.

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"What? It's a liquid, just like water! It'll put out the fire, don't worry! Trust The Science! yuk yuk yuk!"

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--and, in 41 years, the consensus will be, "Climate change exists, and has existed for more than 41 years, and that's why we don't exist any more, but it's not our fault."

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Aug 24, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

Well, as long as we're clear on whose fault it's not, that's the most important thing.

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I can imagine something like “it’s not our fault” immortalized on a giant plinth in the middle of the dead moonscape of humanless planet Earth, tended to by the huge sentient cockroaches, to be visited occasionally by confused and bemused aliens.

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By then..........

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Of course, it'll still somehow boil down to "China delenda est", because of fucking course it will.

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Aug 24, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

But they'll still be there to do all our manufacturing, right?

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Hell, I'm sure there's another enterprising population out there who we can conq- *ahem*, recruit into being paid pennies to make our cheap crap for us. If all else fails we just set up some camps for the homeless and the illegals and have THEM make stuff, the lazy bums. There's these guys from Argentina here who have all these 80 year old plans and everything...

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I concur.

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As long as Dollar General is Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff

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Remember the Dollar a Year men? CEOs took a one-dollar annual salary during WWII just to show they were all-in for the war effort, as their businesses profited off the charts...

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“Ramaswamy gets the Who The Fuck Are You softball. But he’s still pushing like a punk who got the big meeting: “I’m an entrepreneur… made billions of dollars.” He in fact sounds methed up, which I guess is supposed to be a signifier for youth.” ---Ed Edroso

Excellent column Roy, one of your best (all are great, though).

With regards to Vivek, very descriptive! I agree, with your assessment, he sounds methed up, but I’ll go with too much Adderall. After all, every one I see on Meth, usually has no teeth. Either way, it’s the same outcome.

Vivek also disqualified himself with his nonsensical global warming unhinged, mixed word salad: it’s not the warming that’s killing us, it’s the policies! HUH????

Secondly, he was almost auditioning for VP. He said Trump is innocent and the best president in modern history. If that’s true, why settle for Vivek, when you can get the original orange blob; who, by the way is running for president!

“ what is Arkansas ever getting besides tetanus and incest. He's also the first one to try the "let's have maternal care" dodge.”--Ed Edroso

I Couldn’t agree more; it’s a state where men are men, and sheep are scared. Let’s not make America Arkansas. There’s no up side, and the downside; endless!

As for DeSatan, what a tool! He never answered any question directly, and obfuscated throughout. When asked about crime rising, he said “it’s at a 50 year low.” So is every other state; yet, violent crime is on the rise in his state, run exclusively by republicans, including Miami.

When asked about the six week abortion bill, he talked about being elected by the biggest margin of any governor in state history. Hello! He was re-elected before he signed the abortion bill, and it was never part of his campaign. And he said he was proud of the bill, yet, he signed it into law at 12:00 am, midnight with no press. Sounds like he’s very proud of it!

As for Christie? He’s done. Pence, like Vivek actually made a case for Trump with his, “I’m the most qualified speech, yet he’d vote for Trump again, even if convicted. Well, Trump’s been president, so Pence isn’t t more qualified than Trump; at least by Pence’s own logic.

Haley was better than I’ve ever seen her, but again, she talks about her humble, immigrant roots and then rails against immigration. And she is

T winning over voters by disparaging Trump. And telling the truth in the MAGAverse about how much debt he added, scores no points. No deal.

As for the rest of the three-ring circus; They were so memorable, that I don’t remember who they are, or what they said. So there’s that.

Bottom line: The winner was......Trump! The biggest loser: America!

And as for me? It was two hours of my life, I’ll never get back....:)

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Aug 24, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

Trump will never pick Pharma Bro. Too young, too much competition in the “that motherfucker will say anything” department.

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Aug 24, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

Again, I will just NEVER understand these people. Give me a billion dollars and the LAST thing I'd do with it is a yearlong audition to be Donald Trump's asswipe.

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Aug 24, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

The one clip I saw was DeSantis shouting (because of course) about how "being obsessed" with whether Pence did the right thing is helping the Democrats. Dude, it was ONE question (and a yes/no question at that.) As for your point that continuing to obsess about the 2020 election instead of simply accepting the loss like any non-insane person would is helping the Democrats, couldn't agree more, please keep it up, thanks.

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Aug 24, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

If anyone in that room is going to show up in a uniform with medals and gold braid, and have Congress arrested and shot, it's DeSantis.

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Aug 24, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

Make America Guantanamo ASAP

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"Wake up, darling/The Colonel's standing in the sun/With the stupid face/The glasses/And the gun."

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Aug 24, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

Consensus seems to be developing that after last night's performance his chances of getting to call himself Generalfeldmarschall are growing more and more remote.

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Well, he obviously just needs to ramp up the crazy, then!

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Aug 24, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

SHOUT LOUDER THEY DIDN'T HEAR YOU

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"He says he can shout, don't hear you."

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Which DeSantis? My money’s on Casey.

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Here's an idea: Every Republican voter gets one word to deliberately mispronounce, whoever can keep it together and not laugh in their faces is the nominee.

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Ronna McDaniel claims to believe GOP candidates should lean harder on 100% abortion ban. Do that, Ronna.

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Haley's got hers, why shouldn't she take a hammer to the hands on the side of the lifeboat?

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Aug 24, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

She talked about all the millions of people being added to Medicaid and food stamps like it was a BAD thing.

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Well, they're buyin' genital mutilation for their kids and endless bags of fudge rounds with taxpayer dollars, and we must stop it!

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If liberals get their way, school lunch will be nothing but Fudge Rounds and puberty blockers. Worst of all, it’ll be free.

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😱😱😱

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Except they'll find a way to make your fudge rounds out of bugs and kale.

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Nikki desperately wants to be Reagan 2.0, all she needs is a sane party that wants to win, so she's trying to will one into being. At least she proved she's not running for Vice. Vivek on the other hand Is either in love with the smell of his own farts (a typical techbro pose, see one E. Musk) or is running for Vice as the attack dog's attack dog. Running for Vice would be his best strategic move, but failing your way into billions tends to cloud your judgement. Christy might be the only one consciously running on the strategy that Trump will drop dead before the convention. He's got nothing better to do, anyway.

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"He's got nothing better to do, anyway."

Could apply to any of them. Clearly, "Find some useful work to do as you live among normal people" is not an option.

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Aug 24, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

I had the debate on, a live play-by-play with the kids at The Majority Report. There was alcohol involved, of course. I was multi-tasking and kept looking up wondering who DeSantis was yelling at. He is such a nasty, off-putting little man. Vivek really let his fash freak flag fly and I think he might have gotten the most mic time? Asa Hutchison must know Trump has been referring to him as Aida, which is hilarious. Nimrata and the schtick about women getting stuff done? Yawn. Rick Scott (no wait, that's the cadaverous white guy) Tim Scott got all excited and butch talking about "breaking the back" of teachers unions. Nice. Pence makes my skin crawl. The ND guy has some wacky eyebrows. Too many liberals think Chris Christie is going to make a difference. He can bring down Trump? Bitch, please. Who am I missing? What a motley bunch of fools. Too bad Tubby chickened out.

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Aug 24, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

Nasty and off-putting is his BRAND.

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Aug 24, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

100%. The Establishment and rich donors seem to like it but regular people? Not so much.

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Pfft, why do "regular people" matter? They keep electing liberals! And protesting! And complaining! Obviously People Who Know Better need to just appoint Dear Leader DeSantis for our own good.

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Aug 24, 2023·edited Aug 24, 2023

"When I act like an asshole towards the people who work for me, they all laugh nervously and nod in agreement! Surely this same approach will work with the common people of America!"

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That could apply to any of them

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Aug 24, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

" Asa Hutchison must know Trump has been referring to him as Aida..."

OK, now that IS funny. He's a psychopath, but sometimes he's a genuinely funny psychopath.

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Aug 24, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

I agree! But Trump's a funnier psychopath.

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Aug 24, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

You can tell his real dream is Standup Comic, and he might have actually gotten somewhere with that if he hadn't been born into fabulous wealth, sparing us all the horror of Trump as President. I say this in the same way that I say I wish more people had bought Hitler's paintings.

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That’s it. He’s an entertaining asshole.

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"motley bunch of fools", or, as I like to put it, "buffet of loathesomeness".

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Aug 24, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

It's like a cruise ship buffet where ALL the dishes give you norovirus!

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Oh, god, don't SAY anything. I think I dodged THAT bullet, even if I was down for a day with 24 Hour Crud.

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Aug 24, 2023·edited Aug 24, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

This is like an open call at Equity for a bus and truck tour where everybody's hoping to get cast as a spearcarrier so they won't have to pay rent for a while, plus the insurance

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Aug 24, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

Except the quality of the applicants is much, much lower.

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Aug 24, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

They call for abolishing the Department of Education only because they haven't yet worked up the nerve to call for the abolition of education itself.

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Don't worry, they're working on the project.

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Aug 24, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

I think Roy's take on those PragerU videos was that they weren't so much calculated to convince us of their horrible ideas, but just to persuade us that ALL education is bullshit.

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I'll accept that. The right has had a deep affection for anti-intellectuallism for ages, but apparently we're now into "truth belongs to whoever can shout the loudest".

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Aug 24, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

Oh you BELIEVE that, do you? You probably believe what your doctor tells you too. I feel sorry for you. Really I do. You seem like a nice guy. But you probably listened in school, took notes, did all the reading. Man, you got suckered. SUCKERED. If you knew about some of the super secret websites I know about...

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Fuck, I forgot "whoever has the most YouTube subscribers", because, obviously, if something is popular it MUST be true!

*desperately working on scheme to combine anti-woke coffee, ivermectin and gold investments*

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Throw in some puberty blocker blockers.

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That drink would be coffee with horse paste and goldschlager

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Jesus Christ, this all sounds like a horrible cross between The Two Minutes Hate and Press Your Luck. "Wanna be President! No wammies! No wammies!"

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Pence says “I gave my life to Jesus Christ” and gets a wavelet of applause. “It’s not a states-only issue, it’s a moral issue.”

Pence talking about morality is a joke. He gave his life to an orange con artist who encouraged a mob to murder him when he finally found his balls after four years. Pence then promptly forgot where they were.

I do not want to hear anything from any Republican. At this point there are none left with a shred of credibility.

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He never found his balls -- he found his ass and endeavored to cover it.

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I wonder if getting heckled by random morons in Iowa and New Hampshire had an effect. Seems like he was more willing to defend himself after that.

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I find Pence fascinating, like a cat jumping through a hoop. The eternal mystery is whether he told Trump no because of some hazy moral principle, or just refused to stick his head in the noose in instinctive self-preservation, after all those years of public debasement either motive is inexplicable. He's a rare mix of ravenous ambition and incompetence, his embrace of Jesus is too stiff and unnatural to be solely an act, so he has plausible motivation for both. He seems to be running for President because he thinks he's supposed to. But I always have to remember when you stare into Mike Pence he is staring into you.

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"He seems to be running for President because he thinks he's supposed to."

That's as good an explanation as any other I've heard.

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Mother said to.

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Gets him out of the house.

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Aug 24, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

I was encouraged by the feeling that nearly half of them (maybe 3.5) did not seem to be total creeps.

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I challenge your numbers

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Not sure if there was 0.5 of a candidate on the stage or if you're counting Christie as 1.5.

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Haley, Hutchinson, Christie, and to some extent, Pence.

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On MSNBC the chyron reads:

DESANTIS: WILL SEND SPECIAL FORCES INTO MEXICO ON DAY 1

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"Yes as a matter of fact I *will* violate another nation's sovereignty."

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When you're a superpower they let you do it.

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To do what?

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