109 Comments
Jan 13, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

"spreaded-around" is an absolute gem.

The whole gas range thing reminds me of the furor around incandescent light bulbs disappearing in favor of LEDs. It's a librul conspiracy!

The other day I mentioned misdirection being a favorite tool of the GOP - but in the case of Miss MTG when she shouts "look over there, squirrel!" she's likely actually pointing at a mirror.

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Jan 13, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

Blight-eyed, blushy-tailed.

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Jan 13, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

And nuttier than a squirrel's winter hoard.

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Jan 13, 2023·edited Jan 13, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

"reminds me of the furor around incandescent light bulbs disappearing in favor of LEDs"

Like everything else they get hysterical about, ten years from now everybody will be like, "What's an incandescent bulb?"

Standing athwart history, getting steamrollered into an idiot-shaped stain on the pavement.

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Jan 13, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

Need to add that image to "Flattened Fauna: A Field Guide to Common Animals of Roads, Streets, and Highways".

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Jan 13, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

"Ah yes, the common North American Idiot. Strangely, not endangered even though they keep coming up with more and more ways to get themselves killed."

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Jan 13, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

"Note also the difference between flattened idiots in Shreveport and, say Phoenix. Yer flattened Shreveportian will quickly ooze into the storm drain, whereas in Phoenix, the typical idiot, when flattened, retains that profile for weeks, and once well baked can be peeled off the tarmac and used as a grease pan, or throw rug, or even a simple skateboard sail for effortless travel across the desert."

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There's a character in the Ulster Cycle's Taín Bo Cuailnge named Forgaimen, a name possibly translatable as "Skin Rug." At some point the giant Brown Bull of Cuailnge treads right over him, driving him into the dirt & flattening him out. Most names in that book are somehow prophetic...

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Jan 13, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

"Natural gas and propane."

Sadly, I cannot paste the "and" with the right and proper italicky slanty-font, the feature that makes this sentence a 2-marker.

But what I was really hoping to read at the end was "I yield the balance of my time". Because wouldn't Kevin be entirely within his right, indeed his DUTY, to respond by stating "The mentalwoman yields the balance of her time. I promise never to call upon her again." Cue gavel banging...

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Jan 13, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

Consider McCarthy's response to Santos. Ol' Kevie would never say anything like that because he knows he needs every vote he can muster. So if MTG demands McCarthy eat live nightcrawlers on national TV, Kevie's only complaint will be that the worms weren't sufficiently frisky enough.

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That would be Kev’s Black Mirror moment.

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Jan 13, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

Kev has earned himself so many Black Mirror moments they require their own spin-off series.

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Jan 13, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

Ol' Kev needs a redo. Can we all just agree that from now on he's called KebLess...?

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Less is more!

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Jan 13, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

ALL YOUR HYDROCARBONS ARE BELONG TO US

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Jan 13, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

From My Warm, Dissolving Hands!

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Jan 13, 2023·edited Jan 13, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

This is great! It should be spreaded around both far and wide.

Look, I'm as Democratic as anybody- but Marge really makes me doubt the wisdom of the Popular Vote.

" A Mason?Bejesus, no- I've been a Catholic all my life, I'll have you know!"

Robert Shea - The Illuminatus Trilogy

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Jan 13, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

Coulda been Rep. (SPIT) Santos said that...course, he coulda said "Rastafarian" instead, or also...

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Jan 13, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

Now this is a merry-go-round I will gladly jump on to help lead the charge against the nefariously plotting Masons. Maybe it'll take some heat off the Jews, they could use it.

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Jan 13, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

Just leave James Mason out of it. Oh, and Mason Mount.

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Jan 13, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

Hey, I've seen North by Northwest, that guy is definitely part of any conspiracy you can name, despite being "dead" for the past 39 years.

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Jan 13, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

Hey, Saul Alinsky has been dead for 50 years and he's still a bogeyman to the Right. Leftists are so powerful we remain Woke even after death.

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Jan 13, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

“Woke Constant Beyond Death” is the worst Gabriel García Márquez short story

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Jan 13, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

LOL

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Jan 13, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

That one is on my bucket list. Along with Wider Shade of Pail.

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"The Woke-ing Dead" is in the 12th season, right?

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Jan 13, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

Braaaaains... not sufficiently educated about the historical and social impact of racism!

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Jan 13, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

LMAO.! Good one -- but that gives conservatives nothing to worry about, since zombies only eat brains.

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It's the same conspiracy -- King Solomon started the Freemasons -- it's just another way fo WASP-y hicks to gin up anger at Catholics by implying they're Jews.

On Our Host's reminder that most of the founding fathers were also Freemasons, I appreciate anew the cleverness of BioShock: Infinite's American exceptionalist satire portraying a towering robot George Washington with a giant Gatlin gun. This will be soon the only acceptable portrayal of our first president.

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There's a hilarious quote from one of the founders, can't recall which one, about "Two generations hence there will not be a young man who does not call himself a Unitarian." Such faith in progress and rationality, it's really touching, or would be if it weren't for the slave-holding.

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Possibly Adams who was a Unitarian. And I don't think a slave holder.

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I always liked this depiction of the First President:

https://youtu.be/qv6OOuPI5c0

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Ignore the awful, awful Mark Zuckerberg and Elon Musk, the internet is still a glorious place.

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I love yer vernacular spelling of "Gatling".

Well, I'll just be gatlin' along now...

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I can gat with the best of them

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Does your gat have gittens?

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I admire your commitment to the velar plosive

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Well join the crowd – lots of folx are advocating for my commitment.

But I'm giving up all that consonontalism – I'm soon to be ex-plosive.

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Jan 13, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

I have a friend who’s a Freemason and a Satanist. Don’t tell Miss (nee Mrs.) Greene!

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Jan 13, 2023·edited Jan 13, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

You have interesting friends – where do you find the patience, Doc?

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Well he did get through medical school…

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Jan 13, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

Also, I presume we can all agree that the Greene woman is being remiss.

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Jan 13, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

Oh, how I wish-again, I was a miss again...

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How can we miss her if she won't go away?

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Jan 13, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

Dan Hicks beats Irving Berlin, any day of the week.

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Jan 13, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

Maybe, but just imagine if ol' Irv had the Lickettes!

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Jan 13, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

I prefer The Leatherwoods version

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Jan 13, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

Well, SOMETHING is amiss...

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Everything old is new again.

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Jan 13, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

Today's edition of REBIT, and the GOP generally, puts me in mind of something a US soldier said after he'd been in Afghanistan for a couple of years: Sure we can threaten to bomb em back to the Stone Age, but what if they're already there and happy with it?

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Jan 13, 2023·edited Jan 13, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

I kinda like REBIT instead of REBID, sounds more froggy-like instead of ebay-like. Literally, it translates to Roy Edroso Breaks It. But I'm fine with that, Roy can break anything he wants, most of the damn country's broke already.

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Jan 13, 2023·edited Jan 13, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

How Can I Break You When You Broke Anyway?

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Also, REBID is a bit too close to RABID for my, um, taste.

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Jan 13, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

REBIT it is then! Please make a note of it.

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Jan 13, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

Roy Edroso Breaks It, Tommy?

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author

Sorry, it's branding, can't change it

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Never say you're sorry, Boss. First sign of weakness they'll be fighting over yer entrails...

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Jan 13, 2023·edited Jan 18, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

The uneasiness we felt when we were very young going into a new experience, such as the first time we walked into a bank or a classroom, that's the psychological basis for calling out change of any kind as something to undermine who we really are and want to be forever.

"I miss keys" in hotels. What was wrong with leaded gasoline? They don't make relationships the way they used to. Someone must be to blame, and if I had a nickel for every time!

Step right up! Go away, kid, you bother me.

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Jan 13, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

"What was wrong with leaded gasoline?"

Seems like it was something, but... can't remember... brain no work so good.

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Only a dollar, only a dollar

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Jan 13, 2023·edited Jan 18, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

The quality goes in when the grift goes on

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Jan 13, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

The large print giveth and the small print taketh away...

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author

Keys in hotels is a lovely signifier for less-than-useless nostalgia

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Richard Gere in "Pretty Woman" -- speaks volumes about what's going on in that fun little Flick!

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Jan 13, 2023·edited Jan 13, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

Meanwhile, in the Department of ACTUAL conspiracies, the propane industry is using money from a federal check-off fund to lobby against electrification bills like the one in New York. The law establishing the check-off specifically prohibits any use of the funds for lobbying, so if mere humans like you or me did this, it would be called "breaking the law", but LOL, everybody knows the law is unbreakable for corporations, trade associations and rich people generally.

https://www.nytimes.com/2023/01/11/climate/climate-propane-influence-campaign.html

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Jan 13, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

Her district--hell, her part of the state--wouldn't exist without the Rural Electrification Project and the Tennessee Valley Authority.

Here in Georgia natural gas was deregulated in the early aughts; electricity was, of course, not. Can't wait to find out how much the biggest and most politically influential utility in the state, Georgia Power, contributed to her campaign.

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Jan 13, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

Sure, and the Biden administration is rushing billions of dollars of federal aid to the district to improve their internet access, so Green voters' Plandemic videos can download more quickly.

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Jan 13, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

GIGA!

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"Mr. Speaker, I yield 1 minute [...]"

She actually said all of that in one minute, didn't she? It's not like it would lose clarity or coherence at speed.

But wait, she's not the type to sacrifice her time in the spotlight for obedience to her own party's authority, now is she?

This "one-minute" cancel culture oppression will not, wait! Is "one minute" a part of the Masonic metric system Italian space lasers trans lizard people communism?! RECALL/IMPEACH/EXECUTE MCCARTHY!

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Jan 13, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

Please, Dear God, no one tell her how the National Bureau of Standards defines the second.

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How does the so-called "National Bureau of Standards" define "woman"?

Deep State! Deeeeep State!

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Jan 13, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

We had a platinum-iridium Standard Woman here next to the Standard Meter, but Ted took it into his office and we haven't seen it since.

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Solve the debt-ceiling-incel crisis! Mint the platinum-coin-woman for every American!

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Call the Franklin Mint!

*Woman is plastic, with 0.00000001" electro-deposited coating of shiny, precious aluminum. Incels won't care.

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2 marks, reluctantly.

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It was, in words used by Mrs. Miss herseff, a hot minute.

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Jan 13, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

Crap. Now I have to keep track of the 62nd woman, too.

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Have you considered binders?

Of women, on them, w/e?

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Jan 13, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

Every single one labeled "62"

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author

In the CR they're always saying "1

Minute" or "5 minutes" and when you read what they allegedly said in that space of time they'd have to be tobacco auctioneers to get it out that fast.

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"Bought and Sold Americans!"

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Jan 13, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

We all know Biden is too weak and senile to blow his nose without being told to do it by Antifa or Black Lives Matter or Bilderberg or what-not.

I think Jill has the telling part covered, dumbass. And if he's too weak to do it, why bother telling him?

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Jan 13, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

Even though it wasn’t written as such, I now have “ce-ment” stuck in my head. As in, “Jethro’s out by the ce-ment pond.”

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Jan 13, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

Time to jump on the "self-healing cement" bandwagon...if you can slow it down without becoming just another entry in Flattened Fauna...

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Jan 13, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

Oh. Forgot to mention we younguns used to go to the beach in Aptos and climb on what we all called the ce-ment boat – the one you mighta seen this week in the storm-damage vids from the Santa Cruz area. Was the perfect place to set loose a gang of kids back in the day...

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Jan 13, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

Is there an corollary to "schadenfreude" anyone can suggest? Where you enjoy the humor but are also terrified at the same time?

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Jan 13, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

Humourphobophilia? Humourphiliphobia?

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Jan 13, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

What, no pedophiles or groomers mentioned? Future Marge must be slipping.

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Jan 13, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

Nah. She's in regular sessions with the mano-pedo.

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We-all might have ta rely on our char-cole greels!

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Jan 13, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

Also, it should be noted that George Santos announced Wednesday that he will resign from the congressional seat he stole. His official statement:

"I will NOT resign!"

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Jan 13, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

Thanks, now my brain is trapped in a Star Trek episode on auto-play.

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Jan 13, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

Glad to be of service!

Yuuuuummmmm!

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author

I wonder if "I, Mudd" is the ST episode most vividly remembered by non-Trekkies? Or is it "the Naked Time" or "The Way to Eden"?

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Jan 14, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

Tribbles wanna word...

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Jan 14, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

I had to google the other two, so "I, Mudd" wins.

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Jan 13, 2023·edited Jan 13, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

Despite some recent unfortunate electoral developments, she still holds on to her dream to become the next Mrs. Herschel Walker.

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When a man holds a gun to your head, that's how you know he REALLY cares.

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