I only just got the notification now & there was no update until I saw it (or they happened at the same time, I guess)...
Even Shapiro knows that a mega-hit (MAGA-hit?) animated feature needs a jive-talking animal sidekick voiced by Black celebrity. I guess Kanye West would work, but I can only imagine what that animal would be or what his name would be.
Magnificent, and probably all in pre-production planning right now. Can't wait for the Jack sequel, where he tames the Uppity Blahs and their leader Hobama, and then cleanses Libtown of the Hey-Rabs, who live in open sewage.
I loved that book. It was like a bomb in the rec room of the world when it was published. Just imagining the people reading it for whom it was not a novel but a history, and then thinking "Turner Diaries, dude. Take the next step."
We need something to combat woke Sesame Street. I propose Kyle's (Ritten) House. The gang meets every afternoon in a structurally unsound treehouse to combat porn by first learning what it is, followed by gun play.
According to The Straight Dope (I think it was), there's little evidence that Russian Roulette was particularly Russian, but there _is_ evidence that Imperial Russian officers would play a game involving loaded revolvers and a completely dark room.
(Yet another reason why one grandfather hid in Lithuanian caves for a few years, though I think the danger of rape and the certainty of beatings and of non-kosher food had something to do with it.)
Or it goes to show that the zero is right next to the one on the number pad of my keyboard, and that's all I need to know to turn $1 million into $100 million.
Ryan North argues convincingly that Elon Musk could afford to abate the effects of CO2 in the atmosphere (using high-altitude mephitics) for the indefinite future. ("How to Take Over the World", sorry to shill for it again but I just read this bit and impressed me again with just how much money some people have.)
I'm afraid I take my repulsion to be a sign that Some People will eat this up with a spoon, make their children watch it…and if there's one thing the Church of the SubGenius has taught me, endless repetition can create belief on a functional level. That is, I think this'll work really well on, let's say, ten thousand individuals, probably skewing much wealthier than average.
(After one month of chanting '"Bob" is my Unfailing Broker, and large sums of money come to me quickly, without work, in a perfect way. Divine Slack now dissolves in my bloodstream. Fuck the Consipracy.' I once mentally posed myself the question 'Who is "Bob".' and the answer came back _immediately_ 'My Unfailing Broker.'. They stole this technique from Crowley, who stole it from literally every belief-system but approached it explicitly as a technology of belief rather than as a Way of Truth.)
I'm sure some people in the Trump Camp (which has a different meaning now than I'm afraid it will c. February 2025) they see him as the Road Runner, and our types as Wiley telling himself how smart he is all the time.
Oh MAN how I loved that album, and I'd never seen that video -- but I saw GP on that tour, and it was one awesome turbocharge. And when I saw him play that song solo acoustic in 2009 at Joe's Pub... Lord, my heart.
'All Real Men® find women suspiciously effeminate.'
True-Christian Men* like _fucking_ women—if only because there are no other choices—and might in a Christian way love them, especially when shewing their love through chastisement…but _liking_ them?
It's the largest number they could make up that people wouldn't laugh at. If Shapiro said he was going to spend ONE BILLION DOLLARS on children's videos, everyone would know he was lying, so scale the lie back a bit.
This is great. Really funny. I hope they do some bad Claymation. Davey and Goliath brought a ton of souls to the Lord, I bet.
I remember when Ben was a young irritating as fuck teen pundit I took solace in my certainty that he would end up as an assistant manager at the Franklin Mint callcenter spending one weekend a month at a table in the hallway outside the Gun and Knife Show ("Call a buddy,, bring a friend!") hawking signed remainder copies his conservative tween screeds with Glenn Reynolds. Confederate Yankee and that one asshole preacher from Florida.
Now he's probably rich. Jesus Christ.
There might be a bright side -That probably means his old lady has some bucks and Boys, I'm here to tell you, she could had.
His wife was trying to give him a hint (rhymes with "bunny dingus") and he, of course, missed it because he's fundamentally unable to consider any other kind of pleasure but his own.
I ought to pay full attention to what Shandeh-Americans do*, but some weeks my stomach's too weak for it.
*I'm bigoted favourably toward Mine Own: I feel they ought to _know_ better, I'm afraid that same, bigoted, part of me doesn't react as badly to Really White People acting that way, it just mutters 'Yeah, some of Them will always be that way.'.
Every media market has its own Sheriff (Blank). They did the same thing with the hosts of Romper Room. Ours was "Miss Mary Ann". ACCEPT NO SUBSTITUTES!
"Manifest Destiny Mountain," I am deceased, come put flowers on my grave, lmao.
Absolutely brilliant, all of it.
Thanks! Did you get this as an email? I'm checking the works.
Eventually. But I clicked on your substack link via twitter first. Email was delayed.
I only just got the notification now & there was no update until I saw it (or they happened at the same time, I guess)...
Even Shapiro knows that a mega-hit (MAGA-hit?) animated feature needs a jive-talking animal sidekick voiced by Black celebrity. I guess Kanye West would work, but I can only imagine what that animal would be or what his name would be.
Jack The Ass, voiced by Jimmie Walker (on leave from trying to sell fake Medicare insurance to Senior Suckers).
Will he say "Dyn-O-mite"? I bet he will!
Uhff -- well identified
I got this as an email first thing (speaking from the Left Coast).
"God won't let me quit you..."
'You know it isn’t easy living here on Manifest Destiny Mountain
So maybe you could cut me just a little slack
Would it kill you to be civil?'
(It would, and did.)
Big Rock Candy Manifest Destiny Mountain
Chekhov's lawn jarts.
... the third act will end with a child in the ER.
No shit, I was a victim of a lawn jart accident. It cut my leg -- just a grazing blow, not a puncture. But I did have an impressive scab for a while.
A "lawn jart accident" is when you go to swing your lawn dart and it gets caught in the belt loop of your jorts.
I think a lawn jart accident is better than a lawn jort incident
Not better than a Jorts butter incident
…and after Beastly Bob organises a union, that child could limp out of the E.R. in Act Four to _become_ an impressive scab.
Magnificent, and probably all in pre-production planning right now. Can't wait for the Jack sequel, where he tames the Uppity Blahs and their leader Hobama, and then cleanses Libtown of the Hey-Rabs, who live in open sewage.
Prequel's already been done: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Camp_of_the_Saints
I loved that book. It was like a bomb in the rec room of the world when it was published. Just imagining the people reading it for whom it was not a novel but a history, and then thinking "Turner Diaries, dude. Take the next step."
I wish Susan Sontag had written some notes on that book.
Brilliant.
TMI, though, but a warning: I was blowing my nose while reading this and, well, suffice to say, that’s a questionable if not dangerous thing to do.
Relax. Most folks (not saying you, but generalizing) carry a spare nostril.
God, I'd forgotten PowWow. Thanks for the reminder, I think.
We need something to combat woke Sesame Street. I propose Kyle's (Ritten) House. The gang meets every afternoon in a structurally unsound treehouse to combat porn by first learning what it is, followed by gun play.
According to The Straight Dope (I think it was), there's little evidence that Russian Roulette was particularly Russian, but there _is_ evidence that Imperial Russian officers would play a game involving loaded revolvers and a completely dark room.
(Yet another reason why one grandfather hid in Lithuanian caves for a few years, though I think the danger of rape and the certainty of beatings and of non-kosher food had something to do with it.)
I'm pitching them a children's story hour with Uncle Clarence, it's called In the Sunken Place.
Is that 100 million dollar thing real? That's horrifying. I mean, JesusGod, No!
"fondness for stage plays and foreign foods, and the ease with which he gets along with local women"
Strangely enough. that is the caption beneath my picture in the college yearbook.
Money wasted on content no child will ever watch is money not given to fascists.
Goes to show you just how much money the oligarchs have to piss away..
Or it goes to show that the zero is right next to the one on the number pad of my keyboard, and that's all I need to know to turn $1 million into $100 million.
Ryan North argues convincingly that Elon Musk could afford to abate the effects of CO2 in the atmosphere (using high-altitude mephitics) for the indefinite future. ("How to Take Over the World", sorry to shill for it again but I just read this bit and impressed me again with just how much money some people have.)
North’s Canadian which is practically a godless commie.
I'm afraid I take my repulsion to be a sign that Some People will eat this up with a spoon, make their children watch it…and if there's one thing the Church of the SubGenius has taught me, endless repetition can create belief on a functional level. That is, I think this'll work really well on, let's say, ten thousand individuals, probably skewing much wealthier than average.
(After one month of chanting '"Bob" is my Unfailing Broker, and large sums of money come to me quickly, without work, in a perfect way. Divine Slack now dissolves in my bloodstream. Fuck the Consipracy.' I once mentally posed myself the question 'Who is "Bob".' and the answer came back _immediately_ 'My Unfailing Broker.'. They stole this technique from Crowley, who stole it from literally every belief-system but approached it explicitly as a technology of belief rather than as a Way of Truth.)
If only the Sub-Genius could overcome the Super Genius. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=STeVTzWelns
I'm sure some people in the Trump Camp (which has a different meaning now than I'm afraid it will c. February 2025) they see him as the Road Runner, and our types as Wiley telling himself how smart he is all the time.
On the contrary!
$100 million really was the number on the press release, that's real enough, isn't it? Trump has taught his disciples well.
Graham Parker's song is about you?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=taXvBivGcMo
Oh MAN how I loved that album, and I'd never seen that video -- but I saw GP on that tour, and it was one awesome turbocharge. And when I saw him play that song solo acoustic in 2009 at Joe's Pub... Lord, my heart.
'All Real Men® find women suspiciously effeminate.'
True-Christian Men* like _fucking_ women—if only because there are no other choices—and might in a Christian way love them, especially when shewing their love through chastisement…but _liking_ them?
*(as are found in Scotland, and the Eirish Pale)
I wonder about that $100m # which, as I type, is woefully little for what they want to do.
It's the largest number they could make up that people wouldn't laugh at. If Shapiro said he was going to spend ONE BILLION DOLLARS on children's videos, everyone would know he was lying, so scale the lie back a bit.
Wait, wait, children's programming? "Sheriff Allen West: No Prisoners"? Was the Segal thing aimed at kids as well?
It was juvenile AF.
This is great. Really funny. I hope they do some bad Claymation. Davey and Goliath brought a ton of souls to the Lord, I bet.
I remember when Ben was a young irritating as fuck teen pundit I took solace in my certainty that he would end up as an assistant manager at the Franklin Mint callcenter spending one weekend a month at a table in the hallway outside the Gun and Knife Show ("Call a buddy,, bring a friend!") hawking signed remainder copies his conservative tween screeds with Glenn Reynolds. Confederate Yankee and that one asshole preacher from Florida.
Now he's probably rich. Jesus Christ.
There might be a bright side -That probably means his old lady has some bucks and Boys, I'm here to tell you, she could had.
Maybe Mrs. Ben can afford to purchase a couple of tubes of Astroglide, then. From accounts I’ve read…
Do tell. Note that anal intercourse is forbidden in Orthodox Judaism….
Did you miss when "Big" Ben tweeted that his wife said it was not uncommon for women to not make much lubricant of their own during sex
His wife was trying to give him a hint (rhymes with "bunny dingus") and he, of course, missed it because he's fundamentally unable to consider any other kind of pleasure but his own.
I ought to pay full attention to what Shandeh-Americans do*, but some weeks my stomach's too weak for it.
*I'm bigoted favourably toward Mine Own: I feel they ought to _know_ better, I'm afraid that same, bigoted, part of me doesn't react as badly to Really White People acting that way, it just mutters 'Yeah, some of Them will always be that way.'.
"Every week Sheriff West shows house-breakers, bar-fighters, and underpass-sleepers who’s boss..."
So he's Eric Adams?
No, but at least he's semi-literate, what with the Anatole France reference.
The name of his character is 'Sheriff Alan Majesty', and the show "Majesty's Law".
Lawnall Majesty for short
…and his famous catch-phrase: 'No!, I do NOT permit it—Take THAT, Anatole France.'.
Pretty much.
“When will Disney put pants on all those humanoid animals? Do they care they are encouraging children to run around pantsless?” said no one, ever.
Putting pants on Pluto would be Goofy.
Oof (y).
Shapiro’s miserable media outlet has $100M to piss away like that? Or is it going start a GoFundMe scam?
I'm betting on Option Number 2, it's another "Build the Wall."
Or Truth Social. But anyway, I'm sure these shows wouldn't be half as terrible as whatever Shapiro and his flunkies actually come up with.
Shapiro's daughter will be the only child who gets any entertainment out of this, as she watches daddy ride around in his new yacht.
And Ben Shapiro's Indignant Animaniac voice requires no modification for voicing chirpy, animated Jack.
"Sheriff Allen West: No Prisoners"
We had that exact thing in Milwaukee. But the character's name was changed to David Clarke for some reason.
Where's he at now? I'm afraid to look.
Every media market has its own Sheriff (Blank). They did the same thing with the hosts of Romper Room. Ours was "Miss Mary Ann". ACCEPT NO SUBSTITUTES!
I'm looking forward to "The New Adventures of Little Black Sambo" on Saturday mornings and "Ron Dreher's Prayer Hour" every day from 2:00-2:30.
If Dreher's show isn't called "Mass for Shut-Ins" I will be VERY disappointed.
"Die Grosse Mess"
I'd say 02:00-02:05 with Rod Dreher would count as an hour for _me_.
That picture is creepin' me out. Is that the face Ben makes right before he wishes you into the corn field?