31 Comments

“I am shocked and disappointed to learn that Andrew Yang is gimmicky, clueless capitalist trash” – said no progressive Democrat, ever.

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I've never understood Yang -- you know, Why is he, why is he? -- and none of the reading up on him helps.

As for a third party, really, it's clear that one is in no way a solution, can't be, shouldn't be.

I mean, Yang, JFC.

And props to Maestro on this one. Hard as fuck to parody what's a parody in the first place.

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I was mildly tickled how earnestly the media tried to make Yang seem like an actual candidate & not a mission statement made flesh

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But how can the media decide who's a serious candidate and who's not? The bank balance, that's how.

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“Mission statement made flesh”—Aces.

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Not enlightened, sorry.

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"But we know capitalism isn’t so popular these days, especially with the young people . . . "

As many a Russian has said, "We have learned that everything they told us about communism was a lie, and everything they told us about capitalism was the truth."

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Related Russian joke from the '90s. When we had communism, the generals told us what to make and what to plant. Now we have capitalism and the generals are still telling us what to make and what to plant: General Foods, General Motors, General Electric...

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Another day, another survey reporting that Republicans hate Democrats and Democrats hate Republicans. But as to “why?” - not a word. Who doesn’t accept the results of the last election? Who supports invading the Capitol to shut down the confirmation of Biden’s Electoral College win? Who thinks immigration is a plot to replace white people? Who believes vaccines are a plot to deprive them of life and liberty? Who accuses Democrats of harvesting children’s adenochrome? Who’s president lied over 30,000 times and still does? Who’s passing voter restrictions?

Sure, Yang, those people are going to flock to your third party.

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And the media treats all this "divisiveness" like it's a meteorological phenomenon, just blew in from who-knows-where. Maybe El Niño is to blame?

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El Niño is in the SCARY CARAVAN coming to YOUR BORDER to REPLACE YOUR GOOD WHITE AMERICAN WEATHER.

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Protip for bright young reporters who want to make a career in bothsiderism: Focus on how the two parties FEEL ("Republicans hate Democrats, and Democrats hate them right back") because that's the ONE area where there's some rough parity.

But never, ever, under any circumstances, look at what the two parties DO. Your bothsiderism won't survive that.

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Thank goodness, no more of that cranky old been-there-done-that "Wanna buy a bridge" grift. "Wanna be a bridge builder?" is much more reach-outier!

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author

"When Dr. Johnson told Boswell that ‘patriotism is the last refuge of a scoundrel,’ he had not sounded the possibilities of ‘reform.'" -- Roscoe Conkling

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We are the, we are the, we are the Mod(erate)s!

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"Build a person a bridge, they cross a stream for a day..."

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Yes, "Human-Centered Capitalism", just like that "Grass-Centered Lawnmower" I own.

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"Forward, mush."

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I was so disappointed to find out that he was not the Yang who played the iceberg hit by the Titanic on SNL.

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Stop.

But you’re onto something. I’d much rather vote for Bowen and Andrew would like if I had no other choice.

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Boondoggle" is such a great word. It's one of those words that most people understand the first time they hear it without an explanation. " Lookit that boondoggle" ' I know, what a clusterfuck!"

You are so good at parody because in part because you are exceptionally skilled at writing in someone else's voice. I envy.

You ever read any Perelman? You got a lot of that going on too. My favorite Perelman quote of late -

"The other occupants of my car were a pair of tall, willowy thoroughbreds apparently checking in from Oshkosh, for they were flanked by luggage, the color of a weathered skull, of every conceivable size. From the scorn they evinced, I sensed that they were unaccustomed to persons bearing packages, so I receded as far as I was able into the costly woodwork. The coryphee who opened the door of Schrift’s antechamber, a Dresden-china shepherdess with scallops of blue-black hair framing her face, looked like the secretaries he generally used on his lightning visits from the Coast—more adept at disengaging a zipper at the Copa than at shorthand."

Very Edrosian.

Does Andrew know that a lot of the people he's chosen to deal with of late pull their eyes out at the corner a la Jerry Lewis " and give a big buckthoth " Ching Chong Chang!" Whenever his name comes up.

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OED gives no known etymology but states it's first attested in 1935. One quote (1935) claims it was adapted by the Boy Scouts for one of their lanyard things. Given its primary definition as "A trivial, useless, or unnecessary undertaking" and the confluence of its phonemic patterns, I'd bet billinsd's lunch that it has some unsavory racial origin or else "liberated" from current Black slang at the time.

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We liberated the hell out of some black culture over the years - That's for sure!

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Laffs at billionaires in space being part of our everyday lives. As some funny person (not me) tweeted last week, "What if UFO's are just billionaires from other planets?"

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Not to make the whole visitors something serious but I have a lot of trouble that anyone/anything capable crossing zillions of light years to come here is sufficiently backward enough to find us interesting in any way, that is, not worth the sheep.

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"We think forward-thinking *troglodytes* in the Republican Party will appreciate that and join our cause."

Fixed it for ya. :)

What a wanker.

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I can't shake the feeling that some backers of a Gurarantied Yearly Income are so because they understand that only one social programme is pretty damned close to none. 'If only all Rome had but one neck!'

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You exactly have captured Yang's voice and his shallow political narrative. Well done.

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“Human-Centered Capitalism" -- much like cannibalism is a "human-centered diet"

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