219 Comments

The fix is so in with the media hammering on Biden’s age, it’s going to make “but her emails” look like a casual aside in comparison.

I’ve seen lots of good suggestions about things Biden could do – like announce he’s taking the $300 billion in overdue taxes the IRS expects to collect and put it toward school lunches, etc. Giving people money is always a winning strategy. Make Republicans say feeding kids is bad. Because you know they will. And Biden probably needs to address the issue of age head on, the way JFK did his Catholicism and Obama did with race. The Democrats should also be reminding people Trump is only 3 years younger than Biden.

But really, when it comes to November 2024 and people casting their actual votes, I hope that faced with two candidates they dislike most people will opt for the candidate that scares them less. I mean, I’m not sure an ad with Biden saying something like “Hi, I’m your President, Joe Biden. Sometimes you can go for a couple of weeks without thinking about me or worrying what I’m doing. Do you like that, being able to get on with your own lives, or would you like the other guy back so you can scroll on your phone 10 times a day to see if the world is blowing up?” is such a bad idea.

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Republican governors in many states have already said feeding children is bad. They did so when turning down the federal funding that would have provided free school lunches. And their supporters cheered wildly at the thought of hungry children.

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Sure. But make all of them say it. Then cut an ad "Republicans are so cozy in bed with the wealthy they actually oppose feeding children. But as they roll back child labor laws, they don't oppose sending your kid to work in the manufacturing plant when he's 13 so they can make more money. We're the Democrats, and we believe children should be allowed to be children without going hungry."

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Cuz they're fat! Those kids. You know which ones. Fatty fat fat. And they want to take MY money, the money that I saved by buying BOGO meat lovers stuffed crust pizzas ON SALE, and feed THOSE fat kids? I don't think so!

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Not to mention the BOGO meals of ol' Kyiv. Not on my dollar, bub.

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Even here, topical humor about Bogomils falls flat.

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Tough crowd.

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Well, all those meals are Chicken Kyiv

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They think about How Things Should Be - parents should feed their kids. Parents who can't have to be taught a lesson. One of many unlearnt, which is why we're going downhill. Moral order will decay yet further if we feed the kids, who are hungry because their parents didn't feed them. Also taxes.

There's a lesson here about Gaza. How will parents (not to mention the "government") learn to protect children if not for the natural consequences of their delinquency? We see what happens. The IDF is the hand of God, like the hand that withholds the food.

I suppose we could serve humanistic aims, or even a loving God. Crazy talk! And it wouldn't be easy. Well, feeding the kids would be easy. A slippery slope!

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A slippery slope paved with PBJ.

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When I was a little kid I got it in my head that the butter was a third ingredient. Odd, because I doubt there was a time when I knew of peanuts, and butter, but not peanut butter.*

I assume my family paid for them, but who knows - I distinctly remember those blocks of government cheese.

*As the child I made some sandwiches that way. Not with whole peanuts, mind you. Hard to spread the butter. As the adult I've made them grilled with butter. Mmm.

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"didn't know of peanut butter"

Tell me you're a visitor from another reality without telling me you're a visitor from another reality.

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"Kids should just learn to graze, like all the other livestock."

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Try playing with your phone when you're pulling a plow.

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... This child labor shit is gonna backfire. Some poor kid - maybe brown! - is gonna get strong and mean like young Conan working the Wheel of Pain.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MCd-t3a0CVc

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I bet he won't have awesome background music though.

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Isn't it weird how, of all the millions of people working in slave-labor camps in Nazi Germany, exactly NONE of them came out looking like Schwarzenegger?

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Time to give those freeloading kindergarteners with their fancy designer juice boxes and their name brand animal crackers a taste of responsibility. This is America, there are no free snacks.

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Well, if sprogs want to eat, they can just GET A DAMN JOB and earn money like the rest of us, and that's why those forward-thinking Repug governors are lowering the working age to preschool, so the yout' can take initiative for themselves and stop tickytoting and listening to that football guy lady who needs to cover up for crissake.

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Thing is, I can pretty much just look out the window and see if the world is blowing up, but I guess my phone is the gateway to All The Other, which is where I need to focus my attentions, if only to know whether to cheer or sob depending on who's catchin' it in the rear...

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"who's catchin' it in the rear"

And not in a good way, neither!

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DON'T LOOK OUT THE WINDOW!! That's reality out there!

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Pay no attention to that world behind the window!

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"I, the Great Trump have spoken!"

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That is him, yeah. Small time grifter always tryna break into the bigs. Despised by everyone. Aggrieved. Punches up not down, partly as a result of grievance, partly because he's lazy.

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Look we all know that $300 million is earmarked to make Palestinian children eat shrapnel Scoff! You mean do something tangible to help people? How do you means-test that?

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The meaner the better!

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It seems the IDF is taking a page from the NYC police playbook with their kettling of Gazans in Rafah.

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Oof.

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I still remember hearing some expert, a retired state department ghoul, “explaining” the situation after 10/7, scoffing contemptuously at the idea that Gaza was “an open air prison.” He was on a podcast aimed at NY Times readers who try to be well informed.

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Would he like "Open-air charnel house" better?

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I guess it's too big to be an open-air prison.

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“Israel lets some people out for medical treatment.” Therefore it wasn’t a prison. Absolute ghoul brain.

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Jesus, ask any Palestinian doctor what it's like trying to get a patient permission to travel for chemo. Even children.

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"NY Times readers who try to be well informed"

Their first goddamn step on that road should be not to read the New York Times, FFS.

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The NYT podcasts and NPR are a helluva drug to well-off liberals.

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I've decided that, for both MSNBC and the Post and the Times, "well informed" means "Living in a state of EXTREME anxiety." Given a choice they always choose the most panic-inducing take on any story. And with Donald Trump they've got the perfect panic-inducer.

It's like that study of teen girls on social media, showed it made them more insecure about their appearance, their popularity, their appeal to the opposite sex. And all of these anxieties increase "engagement with the platform" as one Facebook memo put it. The "liberal" media is workin' the same effect on their parents for the same reason.

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Yeah, but the NYPD just *wishes* they could use the heavy ordinance the IDF gets.

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Rudy woulda let 'em.

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Yeah, what about mayoral immunity?

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Give it a shot!

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Who says they don't already? After all they have embassies around the world. . .

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"Sometimes you can go for a couple of weeks without thinking about me or worrying what I’m doing."

It's been WEEKS since I came up with "Joe Biden: Elect him and forget him" and I STILL haven't heard back from the DNC.

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We joke, but here’s what gets me: I’m an administrator in a social services agency. I believe you've mentioned you’re a mathematician and teacher. Neither of us work in politics, neither of us are professional writers, neither of us are media consultants. So if WE can come up with shit that would likely be at least somewhat effective, why can’t THEY? It’s standard practice to rag on the Dems for being too cautious, but come on.

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I know free advice is worth just what you pay for it, but I'd still like to see ads that are just real people saying stuff like "I was working in the Dollar Store until that new electric-car-battery plant opened up, then I learned it was a law Joe Biden signed that made it all possible, thanks, Joe Biden!" Or "It's always hard to stretch our food budget in the summer when the kids are out of school and aren't getting the school lunch, but then Joe Biden made this new Summer school lunch program, thanks Joe Biden!"

https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/white-house/biden-administration-launch-largest-summer-food-program-u-s-history-n1265283

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Instead of simple stories that resonate with people, we get high-paid consultants chiding us that America Is Already Great.

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Let 'em eat statistics! The Dow is at RECORD HIGHS!

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The painful thing is that the GOP is right in that the Dem leadership, such as it is, would rather speak to the folks who send them big chonky checks instead of the people who're struggling. The Democrats need to learn populism, and goddamn fast, or those people are going to go MAGA fascist because King Toad pretends to care about them.

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Meanwhile, good centrist Dems do their best to make Populism a dirty word by conflating it with Nativism and Xenophobia. Plus there’s barely concealed contempt for the Great Unwashed when they purse their lips disapprovingly at Populism. It’s so unseemly!

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I mean, this isn't hard. It really isn't. I hope they come up with some of this stuff as we get closer to Election Day. But the problem is the GOP and their conservative allies are going full tilt boogie on negatively framing Biden RIGHT NOW. So the response and the counter-framing needs to happen right now as well before opinions are set in stone. The Dems seem to be leaning almost exclusively on "look at the (abstract) numbers, the economy is doing great, plus Trump is crazy." They need to be doing a lot, lot more.

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The smart money says it's a waste to try to talk to people now, because the undecided voters (who are the only ones who matter) don't even begin to pay attention until October. Anyway, they'll start an actual campaign the day after the convention nominates him, as is our sacred tradition.

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I know that's what they think, but I'm not convinced the smart money is all that smart. And ratfuckers never sleep.

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Meanwhile the Congressional Budget Office sez "As a result of these immigration-driven revisions to the size of the labor force, we estimate that, from 2023 to 2034, GDP will be greater by about $7 trillion and revenues will be greater by about $1 trillion than they would have been otherwise.”

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And that is because immigrants tend younger than us, and work more than us (and when I say 'us' I mean us old, tired USians. But the moolah gets distributed everywhere, so Thanks, Uncle Joe!

Oh, wait...

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Before they were turning a blind eye to what Israel is doing in Gaza, THIS was my greatest complaint about the Democrats: Their complete failure to make ANY positive case for immigration. The facts are there, and if you want to get into the high-flying rhetoric, pride in America as a nation of immigrants (sure, I know, more honored in the breach than in the observance) is a thing many of us were raised on, and it could be called on again, if anyone wanted to try.

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Not to mention their total failure to consider the possibilities of THE MUSICAL THEATRE:

To life, to life, Joe Biden!

Joe Biden, Joe Biden, to life!

May all our futures be pleasant ones,

Not like our present ones,

Drink Joe Biden, TO LIFE!

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Yes, people like us come up with ideas like those, and I'll bet that every cycle there are people in the DCC who do too. But they get bulldozed by the longtermers who all think that "we have to appeal to *everyone*, not just the loud Democratic base," and that by being "for everyone" they'll peel off enough "people in the middle" and "moderate Republicans" (when was the last time you saw one of those in the wild?) that they'll squeek by. I don't think I'm alone in thinking that wishy-washy is ***not*** appealing.

Sorry, that stuff gets me kind of worked up in frustration.

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I think the MAGAts have eaten all the moderate Republicans.

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Re-election Reagan was literally the doddering old fool they're making Biden out to be.

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They don't mention Reagan anymore. It's not clear why, since they could spin him any which way.

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You're right, they don't. But if you ask them, he's still regarded as The Gold Standard, for reasons they'll never enumerate.

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Perhaps Ronnie has already redlined his RPMs.

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Reagan, spinning gravely…

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"Boring" doesn't sell papers and get people to watch TV ads.

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And clickity click clicks.

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Eh, I just want their votes.

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"a Lafayette 148 New York floral jacquard jacket and skirt"

Color: DUNE MULTI

From Needless Markup!

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All to say: 2 marks!

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For once I gotta criticize Roy's taste in clothes. This color would not look good on a blonde, she'd just look washed-out.

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Fashionistas to the front!

I was hopin' there were other color options too, when I went to the link. But it is likely Miss Peoni does not really grok that sorta thing after, say, 6am...which, as I'm sure you'll agree, is roughly when she starts looking washed-out, irrespective of costume.

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*Doyenne checking wine guide* "Let's see... what pairs best with Cap'n Crunch?"

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noted!

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Exactly. Especially on camera you don't want to be a beige-on-blonde anemic washout.

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Gotta white-balance the camera with *something*.

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The panel's not white enough?

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Beige = Great Replacement

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They're replacin' all our White people with Off-White people!

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A bit I remember from the first Bob Newhart show: He's on the phone with his mom, who is in a tizzy about whether to paint the living room off-white or beige. Bob says: "Go with beige, mom, who cares what the neighbors think?"

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Her primary concern in chosing a color is whether it hides gin stains.

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Arrakis. Dune. Dune Multi. Desert dress.

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Think she had a little too much spice before going on-air.

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Paul would look fetching in that little number. Fetching worms, maybe...

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I would wonder if the dopes had done picshures of King Toad riding a sandworm but OF COURSE they have and I am determined not to abuse my brain with confirmatory art.

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Well I went there. 'Donald Trump on a sandworm' turns up only a couple images in my feed, but it also churns out many Donald Trumps AS sandworms...so there's that...

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I confess: up through Bolt's intro I was thinking that this just isn't funny -- I mean, given reality and stuff.

But that channeling of fPOTUS! Sucked the breath right out of the lungs and the up out of the throat and it mouth it was so breath taking.

That said, many people -- well libs of course -- many people say that fake Tubby there doesn't sound that lucid at his rallies. I don't know but many people say. Some even come up to me and say Sir, that fake quote is malarkey which is how I know they're liberal commie marxists traitors destroying this nation.

Oh, sorry, triggered and carried away. I might be catching brain worms from either the current exceptional mainstream reportage and/or the fluoride in the water up here.

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I've a newfound respect, Sir, for you, Sir. Garnering the apt sobriquet from the arrouseled.

And is it true that florid prose comes from flouride? 'Cause I'm up to my lymphs in treated waters...

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OT, but not: what was all that jibber-jabber about renaming Pennsylvania? Anyone figure that out?

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Fun fact: sometimes he makes no sense, sometimes he makes absolutely no sense. See, windmills.

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But surely there's a crumb of an idea of a reference of a conspiracy theory? Hate to say it, I might be just a little bit impressed if he invented it completely. It's just so bizarre. Also, what is the alternative name? Maybe Pennsylvanians would like a choice.

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Becky. The State of Becky.

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Easier to spell.

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Comin' for you next, Mississippi.

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Uz-becky-becky-becky-stan

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Becki-becki-becki-stan

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No crumbs to the windmills other than, I suppose, it’s something his audience will like, maybe love. That’s subconsciously. Consciously, he’s just spritzing words; they make sense or they don’t.

It’s not like our exceptional press would call him out on any question re sanity oh my god do you know Biden’s oollllldd!!!!

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I thought the windmills might have come from the controversy around off shore windmills in rich people places like the Hamptons, maybe him worrying about his property values?

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Yeah, it's a two-fer. Rich people with oceanfront property don't like 'em because they "spoil the view" no matter how far out to sea they're placed (some people need a review on this thing we call "the curvature of the Earth") plus they're gay-liberal because they don't have the polar-ice-cap-meltin' power that real, MANLY electricity has.

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He has nothing in any related areas. He’s of course opposed to renewables since it hurts the fossil fuels businesses and petro-fascist states 😉.

Fun fact: life is too short to makes sense of a severely pathological, toxically narcissistic, abusive piece of shit and the morons, imbeciles and cretins that lap up the Trump Shit®️ he spews.

Fun fact: like one (allegedly) can tell if someone’s a good person by how a dog reacts to them, that MAGAts are the only people that give him love is, like, an open and shut case.

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The windmills he's nuts about are off the coast of his golf course in Aberdeen, Scotland.

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As I understand it, somebody somewhere wanted a statue of William Penn taken down.

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Aha! Bingo. This is the crumb for which I've been searching.

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"They're cancelling William Penn!" I'd like to hear this proud Wharton scholar state 3 true facts about William Penn.

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Ah, "someone, somewhere" in other words "The Entire Democrat Party"

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I don't think Trump even knew, right up to the moment it came out of his pie-hole. Now, of course, it's the truest thing ever spoken.

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It's not getting anywhere near the coverage as Biden misstating a date. I guess when you do it ALL THE TIME it's not news?

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Some Republican congresscritter, cornered by a reporter and asked about Trump saying he told the Europeans he'd encourage Russia to invade if they don't pay up* actually invoked the "Seriously but not literally" thing.

*NATO doesn't actually have membership dues, it's not a country club. Trump seems to not understand the difference.

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So can Biden and the Dems use the same "seriously but not literally" excuse? Don't bother, I know the answer.

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Marco Rubio, in an annoyed tone, about a day ago: Trump just talks like this. You'd think people would know that by now.

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He's a psycho. It's not fair you libs hold that against him.

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Back in the misty depths of time, the magazine The Progressive used to do a regular feature on the Stupidest Congressfolks of the new session. Now I suppose they just throw darts to decide, because it's so target-rich.

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Bill Cosby once had a bit about how the most powerful argument in the world is "So?"

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He got himself out of prison, so.

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Biden fumbles his words and suddenly everyone's OMFG HE'S SENILE! which I suppose the next time I misspeak means I can automatically receive Medicaid and Social Security because oldster.

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Well, I still remember the Mexican-Egyptian war that happened when he got two guys mixed up at a conference. Oh, the humanity!

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I had the same question. But it's not dissimilar to an older diatribe about faucets. "You turn on the faucet--you know this--and nothing comes out." Or about needing an ID to buy a loaf of bread. It's like Lord Buckley, but evil.

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I think he just says crazy shit because he likes the reaction, which is liberals scratching their heads and saying "What the fuck does that even mean?" which somehow counts as "owning the libs" in his book. Like "Made you look."

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If all attention is good attention, this is what you get.

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Except that he's probably seven points behind where Generic Republican Presidential Candidate would be right now. He pays a price, but maybe not high enough of a price.

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Take a red pen and mark his term paper: "Tried to overthrow the United States Government, -7"

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Yes. He's always been like this. Reminder that as the saying goes, "the most dangerous space in America is between Donald Trump and a camera."

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Yes, that's half of it. The other half is, the MAGA orcs appreciate it for the same reason, and cheer accordingly. One day he'll say, "They're gonna make you drink water. They're gonna come to your house and take your beer glass away and make you drink water," and the mob will cheer.

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Oh, right. The cult thing.

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My favorite was him promising the crowd that he'd eliminate ALL absentee voting and make EVERYONE show up at the polls on election day, no excuses. Said to an audience in Arizona where the average age was probably 80 and where you can bet probably 90%-plus voted absentee. Naturally, the audience went wild with their approval.

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Well, not US. Other people.

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The faucet and low-flow toilet thing might be on his radar because he's a real estate developer and someone in his employ may have mentioned it at one time. Or someone put a low-flow toilet into one of the bathrooms he uses and he hated it. There's got to be a personal angle. Not finding it for the Pennsylvania thing.

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Excellent point. It never occurred to me. Hey, maybe this Trump fella is onto something!

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I've been liking a lot of painful, apocalyptic comments this morning, so what the heck, here you go.

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It was actually the briefing papers he was trying to flush down the toilet.

Fun fact: I have no doubt that he isn’t as stupid as I think he is but smarter than that is fucking stupid.

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I assumed it was about William Penn. He probably did something that was not "woke." I wouldn't know.

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Right, some right-wing wag on Twitter probably posted some wisecrack about how "Next thing you know, we'll need to rename Pennsylvania!" And then it's off to the races. A lot of stuff gets started like that.

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Quakers, man.

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But I LIKE how they just sit there. Awake. Woke, if you will.

New church: Wokers. Sit together quietly, driving folks nuts.

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Sit down and shut up is a religious practice that needs more adherents.

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Banning batteries . . . which is actually a nascent thing over on the Right. They're convinced that liberals are going to ban batteries because batteries are bad for the environment. Poe's Law is a terrible mistress, but we're now in an era where parody and satire are almost impossible because reality just overtakes them even as they're being written.

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On this day of Carnival, Save The Baterias!

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The Bronx is up and the Battery's down. So sad.

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Waiting for the first "buy gold, Life Lock, canned foods" grifter on the Right to start advertising Freedom Batteries.

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I'd be shocked if this weren't already happening.

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We should look it up...you go first.

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Freedom batteries do exist but it’s not a maga thing, just a boring old brand.

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Whew. Thank you for your service!

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They're not Freedom Batteries if they're not Tactical.

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Tactical Batteries! They have POCKETS!

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Well, I mentioned this before, but there's Patriot Power, which is a coupla solar panels hooked up to a lithium battery, but it's not-gay because PATRIOT.

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Oh lordy lordy, bad for the environment, all.of a sudden the chuds are all het up about toxic waste and birds, pull the other one, it's got bells on. I may not remember why I walked into the room, but I remember vividly Rush Pigman talking about spotted owl barbecues and calling environmentalists Nazis.

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They still do.

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I admire the characterization of LOTUS, in all his burnt umberage.

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Oh. Oh hell yes. LOTUS=Burnt Umberage.

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It just overflowed from… somewhere not unlike the overflow from fPOTUS’ adult diapers. Some people say he has that problem…

As I said, though, I don’t know that it’s the fluoride damaging the synapses, could be something else.

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And I started jumpin' up and down yelling, "Kill, kill!"

And he started jumpin' up and down with me

And we was both jumpin' up and down

Yelling, "Kill, kill!"

And the sergeant came over, pinned a medal on me

Sent me down the hall, said, "You're our boy"

I listen to that every Thanksgiving. It's sort of the hippie "Night Before Christmas"

I'm convinced this whole Hur ratfuck got pulled out of the ratfuck bag of tricks six months early to compensate for the epically dumbass week the Republicans just went through. The Hur nonsense doesn't stand up to any kind of scrutiny whatsoever. That's a fine sort of thing to add to the blizzard of misinformation we are going to see a month or two before the election. 8 months out from the election on Superbowl Weekend ,(special guest - Taylor Swift!) Is not when you release this if you don't have to.

Roy's piece is brilliant satire btw .

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"Hurry", he said, swiftly.

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I loved Tom Swifties, they taught me what adverbs are and how not to use them.

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"Let's kills some Croats," Tom said acerbically.

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Yoicks! Totally legit 2 marks!

In America, football cannot roll straight, but in Serbia, Balkan.

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Hurr Durr And The Sundowners will be playing the RNC convention this summer. Most likely at Miller Park, AKA Wrigley North.

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Turn left at Four Seasons Total Landscaping.

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Here’s hoping they rope off the convention center so the fascists can’t get out and ruin Milwaukee’s vibe.

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They always take it a step too far (ha ha, as if... make that TEN steps too far.) OK, you got 'em goin' with the "Has memory problems" thing, then you lost 'em with "Couldn't remember the day of his son's death."

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But but but she drank a BEER! A BEER! On TEEVEE! In front of THE CHILDS!

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34-year-old-Woman-Drank-A-Beer is overtaking WTF-Black-National-Anthem in the Xwitter Conservatives-Outraged-By-The-Super-Bowl sweepstakes.

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According to himself, Matt Gaetz's wife -- Ginger! -- wanted to see the halftime show, but he told her they were not watching because Black National Anthem. Just an adorable little domestic scenario that never happened. Very Lucy and Ricky.

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Easier to boss her around because she's only 14.

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Now I'm imagining the episode where he goes to the Capitol to overthrow democracy and she tags along and hilarity ensues.

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they put a great man in jail… a great man, you all know him… they said because of a salt. A salt and a battery. Assault and battery. So-called.

Trumpian logic at its best.

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I'm a former Cubs fan, so I know dead double-A's are what you throw at the opposing team's outfielders.

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Hey! Discerning Cub fans know you throw your *paper Old Style cup* at opposing team's outfielders. That's the real reason the basket is above the ivy.

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OK, just remember that cup better be full, and NOT full of beer IYKWIMAITTYD.

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Well it WAS beer, once…

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Forget it Jake, it's Old Style

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Yastreblyansky's latest piece on Substack is enlightening on this sort of Trumpism.

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JESUS, switching TV off angrily: Fuck these guys.

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Oh, you've been watching MSNBC, have you?

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That dress is certainly a thing. So nice to see they've come up with a way to recycle old sofa covers.

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As a longtime resident of wine country, I approve of Elon Grape.

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Yeh*, what IS eating Elon Grape?

*I’m in New Zealand, working on my local accent in case November goes south. Lovely country, even better than Canada. No predators, just earthquakes, volcanoes and cyclones. One mass shooting 6 years ago. One. I’ll take random acts of violence from Mother Nature over psychos with assault rifles any day,

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Yeah, at least with Nature you could say we had it coming.

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"middle-aged chucklefuck CHAFE DRAMATURGY"

DRAMATURGY: Hey! That's "PROFESSIONA middle-aged chucklefuck!"

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Gotta say the “clip” of tRump’s mental effluvial discharge could’ve been an actual transcript. Dead on!

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