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Jul 27, 2023
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I was shut out of commenting about Whitey Boots on another site yesterday, but this here is as good a place as t'other. WB is running because win or lose there's big piles of money on the table that need to be swept into a sack and carted away - HIS way. Matters not who wins – matters only the grift.

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These Boots Are Made For Walkin'

- Nazi Sinatra

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2 marks, hashtag or no...

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Or, as he's sometimes known, Nazi With the Laughing Face

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Some Volken Morning

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Careful now...

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La Gastapo Qui Rit

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Zez boots are made fur goose-shteppink!

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One of these days these boots are gonna walk all over you.

Because I cloned Hitler's Feet -- https://comicvine.gamespot.com/flaming-carrot-comics-16-i-cloned-hitlers-feet/4000-28239/

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Truly, the internet is a land of contrasts.

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I just wanna know what The Shoveler's superduper power is....

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He shovels. He shovels very well

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In the Mystery Men movie, he was played by William H. Macy.

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and yes, I know his name is Ron. He just always looks like a "Greg" to me.

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Nice recovery...

but "the Hot in the Shade tour, Jacksonville Memorial Coliseum"

no recovery necessary!

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LOL - outta nowhere, Roy mines arena rock gold.

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Over 100 Degrees Water Temperature Off The Keys Tour! (Updated for 2023 Florida)

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Grateful Dead Coral

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The Seamount Formerly Known as Key West.

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Keylantis featuring Hot Tuna

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Yes, he's the Alpha Male of the Brady Boys.

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I thought at first it was a Greg Stillson reference -( Martin Sheen character in The Dead Zone -)

I can picture Ron shielding himself behind his Jackie K wannabe wife.

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It’s the new Onion headline: Why Do All These Nazis Keep Getting Hired By My Campaign?

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This.

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"DeSANTIS is without device"

Yeah, pretty much...

"homosexualism of convention"

Say, what sort of a convention IS this?"

"DeSANTIS: I would prefer people get it without being told."

And are we not certain why he prefers that? I mean, it can't possibly be because the actual words he actually says read like fever-dream notes for Julius Streicher's next column...

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"homosexualism of convention"

"Say, what sort of a convention IS this?"

Mid-Atlantic Leather.

(Couldn't resist.)

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As long as you don't invite the Corinthians...

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It's okay if there's one, just don't get TWO Corinthians in the same room. Bow chicka bow bow...

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What about Ricardo Montalban? Can we invite him were he still alive?

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The Homosexualism of Convention is a great album title.

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Or a scholarly title by a follower of Foucault.

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"Come on — that’s the Kiss logo. "

I LOLed.

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and when you think of it from the Whitey Boots angle...oh, my...

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"The word “DeSantis” appears on the screen with each S rendered as a classic Schutzstaffel “lightning bolt.”" Love it.

Likewise, that narration/copy for whatever it was.

A quibble: Almost as many typos here as I can make in the normal course.

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I'm inured to typos these days.

But that "S" shape is also pretty much the logo of the bicycle company Specialized, which, for those of us currently or formerly in that industry, is one of the sad little jokes about the business.

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They make DeSantis sound like Chuck Norris, but more wooden.

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Actually, more plastic.

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Why not both? "Simulated wood-grain paneling", or that stuff they use to make deck planks out of (floor sweepings from mills, suspended in plastic matrix)...

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Exceptionally apt description of RDS.

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I struggled to find the right word to describe Norris’ Texas Ranger acting style. But now that I recall his appearance in The Expendables, where his beard seemed to be glued-on lichens, plastic is good, too.

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Save the Lichens!

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And that's saying something, considering Norris makes the character of Data on Star Trek Next Gen appear effusive in comparison.

You'd think a fascist would be a little more colorful -- but DeSantis is more Eichmann than Heydrich. The banality of evil.

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Just a job...

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Remember 6 or 7 years ago, right when we were getting really involved in that unfortunate Trump thing? The New York Times did a feature about some young Nazi living his best life in the Midwest. That was just up the road from me. I remember my daughter called me to see if I wanted to go beat his ass or maybe burn his house down. I told her that wouldn't be right. The article mentioned that he had a dog. I suggested maybe we throw a concrete block through his windshield and volunteered that I had a block out back. She said she'd be right over. We never went - Evidently they were cops parked in front of his house. To protect the Nazi.

I guess there's good people on both sides.

Whenever we talk about that time we always referred to " The New York Times Nazi". Now I guess they got another "New York Times Nazi" so now when we talk about it, we have to let people know which New York Times Nazi it is we're talking about. I guess the new one will be "the one that worked for DeSantis"

I don't know why the New York Times need so many Nazis.

Good article!

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His name is Hochman?!? OMG —

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The latest Times Nazi also wrote for the National Review, but "National Review Nazi" is like saying, "My car's over there, it's the one with four wheels."

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"I don't know why the New York Times need so many Nazis."

I didn't know there were any left over from the New York Post.

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𝗙𝗹𝗼𝗿𝗶𝗱𝗮𝗺𝗮𝗻𝗱𝗶𝗮𝘀

I met a pollster with the latest news

Who said—“Fleece vests and shiny boots of rock

Litter the Everglades. Near them, in the ooze,

Half sunk a ruined campaign lies, in hock,

Disorganized. The race was his to lose.

‘Kick immigrants and fags,’ his handlers said,

‘LGBT—gin up the common folk.’

But out the gate the effort’s looking dead.

On OAN and Fox the chyron reads:

𝘏𝘦’𝘴 𝘙𝘰𝘯 𝘋𝘦𝘚𝘢𝘯𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘪𝘢𝘴, 𝘚𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘳𝘨𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘞𝘰𝘬𝘦;

𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘣𝘶𝘥𝘥𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘧𝘢𝘴𝘤𝘪𝘴𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘵𝘳𝘺 𝘯𝘦𝘦𝘥𝘴!

It hasn’t worked. In Mar-a-Lago far

The Former Guy maintains a solid lead,

The MAGA hordes stay loyal to the Czar.”

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2.5 marks!

Look upon his works, and feel pretty much as bad, or maybe a little worse, as you were feeling before...

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"Look upon my boots, ye MAGAs, and despair!"

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I appreciate that you took the effort to make it scan. That's the sign of a pro!

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So many people writing parodies neglect the meter, as though it’s irrelevant. It’s refreshing to see it done well.

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It was the great charm of the old MAD parodies!

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But if the meter runs out, we have to pay a fine

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Roy, scratching his chin, muses "Mandatory lifetime subscription to REBID oughta just about cover it..."

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Pull my finger Ye Mighty

And despair.

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2 jerks

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I stopped after reading that first sentence to check with The Google to see if Meatball Ron has a brother! I was a bit confused but went along with it and now I can't get Lick it Up out of my head. Gah.

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What a horrible song. The refrain is catchy but no one remembers the rest cuz it sucks. (Compare with "Hungry Like the Wolf.")

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Pass.

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I blissfully have forgotten 99.99% of what I knew about KISS from back in the day other than that they showed up as actual demons in an issue of Howard The Duck.

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The man in my life is a YUGE Kiss fan, which might have been a deal- breaker IF I'd ever intended to live in the same vicinity. I'm 17 miles away from him and that's about perfect. Anyway, now I've got that damned refrain in my head again. Fun REBID entry today, Roy. Maybe Meatball Ron can rebrand himself as Greg for 2028 and start anew?

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I never liked KISS much until a friend suggested "God Made Rock n' Roll" as a good karaoke song for me (which it is). The fucking thing is so cornball (like most 70s arena rock), it becomes camp (also like most 70s arena rock) — "str8 camp" but still camp.

I even made up some lyrics for it:

"If you're feeling tired, you can take a bus / You can come on over & hang out with us."

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For a true train wreck, check out Terry Gross interviewing Gene Simmons on Fresh Air.

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Amusing of course but he comes off a bit like, dare I say, a leader. Perhaps Greg has the cojones Ron lacks. If you’ve got a little free time today, maybe you can conjure up the scene happening simultaneously in the residential part of the Governor’s Palace, in which Casey is informed the Hamptons fundraisers have been cancelled and the outfits have to go back.

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Just imagine the horror-inspiring story of Greg DeSantis, the neglected and overlooked middle brother, seething with resentment his whole life, looking for his chance to make a name for himself. Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead meets King Lear meets Titus Andronicus meets The Brady Bunch.

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Marcia, Marcia, Marcia!

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Greg, Greg, Greg!

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I could see the Reduced Shakespeare Company doing that

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Ah, yes. Macbeth in 2 minutes, backwards.

"You Thank!"

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In Roy's portrayals, these people always come off as smarter than they probably are in real life. I'm granting artistic license on that.

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Fair.

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The Malevolent Duck and Jackie Faux's Spending Spree Suddenly Curtailed

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Fun read, burst out laughing a couple of times. I had to Google "homosexualist" (just to confirm it meant what I guessed). The veer to Kiss caught me off guard; the "Lick It Up" reference was the shit!

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Not to be confused with "homosexualish"

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You know, like George Santos.

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Are his boots white too?

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Wow, you wrote dozens of lines for Ron and his team and you managed to do something that Ron simply can't do himself: refrain from using the word "woke" -- not even once. Bravo!

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Today on their Op-Ed page-

"Diversity Programs Miss the Point of a Liberal College Educationby Christopher F. Rufo"

So that's more fucking Nazis at The New York Times.

They got a problem.

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Gosh, it's a good day to have cancelled your New York Times subscription months ago.

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Chris "I invented the CRT scam" Rufo needs to be, I dunno, left with James Lindsay, Jordan Peterson, Ben Shapiro, and Tucker in a soundproofed basement room in an abandoned building in Detroit - lock the door, leave quietly, shove a couple bags of Chick-fil-A under the door occasionally.

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I'd prefer to see them flogged through the AU Center (Morehouse, Spelman, Clark Atlanta, and Morris Brown) on Homecoming.

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Followed by being sold into slavery, where they finally learn some useful skills.

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"Useful Skills". After we've finished cancelling that lot, when asked what we intend to do next with them..."Useful Skills".

"but, but"...they'll say..."Useful Skills", we'll reply. "We'll help y'all get some." Who wouldn't want to eternally pursue "Useful Skills"?

'Merkin Way, as proved by history and Whitey Boots.

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"Sharecropping" but in Afrikaans.

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Fe-fe, fi-fi, fo-fo, fum

I smell smoke in the auditorium

RonDe Sants, RonDe Sants

He's a clown, that RonDe Sants

He's gonna get caught

Just you wait and see

(Why's everybody always pickin' on me?)

That's him in his boots

ever so white

Yeah, when 7 come 11

Down in the Gov's gym

RonDe Sants, RonDe Sants

He's a clown, that RonDe Sants

He's gonna get caught

Just you wait and see

(Why's everybody always pickin' on me?)

Who's always writing off his brays?

Who's always goofing on the gays?

Who's always throwing spit balls?

Guess who (who, me?), yeah, you

Who walks in the classroom, cool and slow

Who calls the English teacher, Woke-I-O

RonDe Sants, RonDe Sants

He's a clown, that RonDe Sants

He's gonna get caught

Just you wait and see

(Why's everybody always pickin' on me?)

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I am amused here because 'homosexualist' was Gore Vidal's preferred term. Since 'homosexual' is a description of an act and not a person. (How this comports with any modern theories around queer identity is beyond my purview.)

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I'd forgotten that! Vidal was never a joiner so it makes sense he would go for the most alienating term possible. He was the greatest.

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Hey, I clicked on that very first link, but X is requiring me me to sign up for an account to read it. Which, LOL NO.

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Well, it's not quite X yet. It's some kind of hybrid of X and Twitter. Posts are still called Tweets. The bird still appears here and there. URL is still Twitter. But The Smartest Man In The World knows what he's doing, do not despair.

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I checked, and x.com redirects to Twitter, which again, LOL NO.

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Genius. You don’t get it.

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He's just like that genius who invented that new kind of metal that totally revolutionized the rail industry. Littlebrains like me can only gape in wonderment and confusion.

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The hybridizing of the Twits is symbolized by the bird flopped out on the pavement with its eyes X'ed out. It was a dead bird flying for months. It flies no more.

BTW my own personal nose-skin is still intact.

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Actually, it's kind of appropriate, because the shining accomplishment of the Musk era of management has been the number of Twitterers who became x-Twitterers.

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That bird was pining for the fjords

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Per Wade-Giles I'll still call it "Twitter".

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If for no other reason than if we do we can call Elon "Twitler".

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Whatever it's being called this week, let's never forget the invaluable service they rendered to the DeSantis campaign through an Extremely Online Twitter Spaces launch. For that, I shall always be grateful.

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Yes, I do know what I am doing ... but I have nothing to do with Twitter or X. Well, except I use the letter X where appropriate and I like the band X

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Whenever I read "the band X" I picture spandex. Does that make me a bad person?

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Depends what is inside the spandex

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Git outta my spandex®!

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and into my car?

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They had a Blue Spark of creativity

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