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Sep 25, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

That's funny, I'm doin' my own Biden Watch, just this past coupla weeks I added student loan relief, Civilian Climate Corps and White House Office of Gun Safety. I'm sure the same items appear on their list.

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No Biden Watch for me! No sir, I still have my Spiro Agnew Watch!

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I have a new favorite song.

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Sep 25, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

Of all the amazin' phrasin' it's "bloody brawls in breadlines" that wins the day.

2 marks!

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Sep 25, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

I'm picturing it like the Batley Townswomen's Guild's re-enactment of the Battle of Pearl Harbor.

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Sep 25, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

Bloody brawls in breadlines

And then stealing that chow

Nice work if you can get it

And if you get it

Won't you tell me how

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Just imagine some one loaf upon the baker’s floor

When the bloody brawl’s done, who could ask for anymore gore

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A translator who loves alliteration in verse & in swear words, I see Frère Bern's 2 marks & raise u another two marks.

My condolences, boss, for wading through this batshit babyshit of a bitch's fit...

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Speaking of alliteration, there's also Famine Fighter, because even feeding hungry people must be overladen with imaginary violence. Maybe UNICEF could try this approach? Ditch the images of starving children, that stuff just works on liberals. "Donate NOW and punch Famine in the NUTS!" [cue video of guy with "Famine" t-shirt doubling over in pain]

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If Roy used more of this literary device, he could TRIPLE his revenue!!! See my blog for more info before IT"S TOO LATE!!!!!

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Not just a trick, it's ONE WEIRD TRICK!

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It's that kind of artful alliteration that really gets 'em.

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Respectfully disagree. "dying in a closet full of mac 'n' cheese" is the one. Among many!

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"The end of society was near when quite accidentally

A 'hero' whose sleaze abruptly seized defeat and returned it to victory. . ."

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"State of the art patented double-oxygen-shield technology" and “electroponics” are really good techno-babble that sound almost real. "Final Famine: How to Keep Your Family Fat and Happy While The World Starves" is choice, too.

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Sep 25, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

Well done, Roy.

About midway through reading, I suddenly imagined this pitch being given by Stefon, the club kid character Bill Hader did on SNL:

“This disaster scenario has EVERYTHING…a deadly domino effect, a full government shutdown, Chinese spies, Deuteronomy, stockpiles of overpriced mac ‘n cheese, three feet of copper wire, and lots and lots of schadenfreude.”

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Don’t forget MTV’s Dan Cortese.

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Now THERE'S a guy everybody is itching to spend decades with in an underground bunker.

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WHAT IS THE THREE FEET OF COPPER WIRE FOR

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You, too, can discover the answer to this question for the low, low price of $1,499.00!

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Coil it around yourself and spin near a magnet to generate your own electric current!

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Tinfoil lets through too much of the mind-control waves. Needs to be reinforced with copper wire.

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Actually dreamt last night about rescuing everyone in our building on floors 9 thru 11. Emergency happened. We elites on the top floors were cut off from the elevators and stairs. Everyone looked to me, because they knew I had AT LEAST 3ft of copper wire.

I did a quick inventory, and found (in addition to the wire):

2 - boiled eggs

1 - 100ft rope ladder

I ate the eggs because they don't travel well. Then I hooked the upper end of the ladder over the window sill and gently unrolled it all the way to the ground. Everyone clambered out and down one at a time (me first, to show them all how, then women and children, and finally all the expendable deplorables). Saved 81 people.

Needless to say, the copper wire was brilliant!

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You guys laugh, but after a monster EMP is detonated over the US by the ChiComs, me investing my retirement fund in a warehouse full of mac’n’cheese will seem pretty smart.

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Did you get much water to make the mac 'n cheese? and do you like it unheated?

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What would I need water and heat for? I’ve already got enough food for years!

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Sep 25, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

Sorry Teddy, but when it comes to food buckets, there’s only one choice.

https://youtu.be/ZtGYl3rrDsc?si=UooFQcr02RAzRVDW

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Sep 25, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

Oh god —

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Sep 25, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

That's what God said.

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I said, "Jesus Christ on a fucking crutch," but reasonable people may disagree on what's appropriate.

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I am blissfully innocent of that video because I turned the sound off BEFORE I played it.

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Sep 25, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

Wow. Thank you for that. My life will never be the same.

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I got 5 seconds in and shut it off.

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Sep 25, 2023·edited Sep 25, 2023

I guessed correctly which awful grifter it would be: what do I get?

https://youtu.be/iMXR7w76VZU?si=QHbBYUdCyQh9Vt2j

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Is that... no, it's a different one. There's a really good highlights reel somebody did of Jimbo Bakker's food bucket pitch which is pretty surreal, but that is Over The Top.

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That singer looks like either a young Chris Christie, or a member of the Huckabee family.

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Sep 25, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

The End Times will always be with us. How will the preppers and survivalists ever find the room for yet more Doomsday Rations? After all, if you've been following this stuff, you stocked up

In 1999 for the Y2K

In 2000 for the inevitable election of Al Gore

In 2001 because of 9-11

In 2002 because of the invasion of Afghanistan

In 2003 because of the invasion of Iraq

In 2004 because Kerry might have won

In 2007 because the economy was crashing

In 2008 because Obama

In 2009 because Obama, and in 2010, 2011, 2012, 2013, 2014, and 2015

In 2016 because Hitlery was going to be president

In 2017 because liberals were going to riot

In 2018 because Antifa

In 2019 because BLM

In 2020 because covid

In 2021 because Biden

In 2022 because Ukraine

And now this guy telling you the ChiComs are coming! Gotta build a backyard multi-story warehouse for all the survival rations. Indeed, now that I've run out of money and can't afford food (thanks, Biden!), I can start chewing through the 60 years of rations I have stockpiled. Now where did I put that can opener?

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Sep 25, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

The one survival trick I learned from Youtube is that if you take a can of tuna, turn it upside down and then rub back and forth on a piece of concrete for an unspecified amount of time, it will open the can without a can opener. Now I just need to get over my dislike of canned tuna.

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Sep 25, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

And get over your dislike of grit in your canned goods.

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Tastes like FREEDOM

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Don't forget the metal shards! Tangy!

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Well, when you put it like that, you make it sound like a SCAM or something!

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ChiComs are coming, us preppers getting fat/Please put some money in the stupid cowboy hat

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🤣

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Sep 25, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

Quit holding out, Roy: what is the copper wire for?!?

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author

He never tells you! Man's a genius

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Sep 25, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

It lets you make a shit-ton of copper bracelets for all the arthritis cases in the doomsday bunker.

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You use it to make your own IUDs. No sense in reproducing until the crisis has passed, but a man still needs to fuck, right?

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You win.

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IUD, IED, same difference

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HeED, SheED, TheyED, WhoED? UED? NotMED...

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I know which one I'd rather encounter!

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GET THAT FUCKING IMAGE OUT OF MY HEAD and I mean 'fucking' in both its expletival and literal senses.

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Sep 25, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

I think you both know.

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Frankly, I guessed it was as a garrote, though wondering about it's utility...

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Sep 25, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

I feel like I'm watching an Itchy and Scratchy cartoon shouting "When do they get to the fireworks factory?"

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Real "Noodle Incident" energy

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Hmmm: Real "Noodle Incident"...

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Sep 25, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

The pitch is for old guys who already have roll of copper wire in the garage, SOMEWHERE DAMMIT, so they feel like they're already like 90% of the way there. Got the wire, might as well go all the way!

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For a mere $999, I will send you both the copper wire and instructions.

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Government agents, who have just broken into your house to steal your stockpile and hand it out to The Blacks, finding a roll of copper wire hanging from the door handle to the closet: "Damn! He knows about the copper wire trick! Thwarted again!"

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Executive Order 13603 makes it legal for the SS to take everything you own BUT a little-known codicil inserted by a True Patriot(TM) says "void if victim has 3 ft of copper wire tied to doorknob."

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There was something like that in the Bible.

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I just sprinkle a teaspoon of myrrh across my threshold, no government agents so far.

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Clinically Proven!

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But which brand of myrrh? I'm afraid there's tracking devices and/or vaccine in it.

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This is like the "necktie on the doorknob" rule of dorm living

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Not a sock? What kind of fancy school did you go to, elitist?

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It's for plugging into an outlet and electrocuting the fuzz

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Sep 25, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

Are you okay, Roy? Covid, I mean, not just today’s post which obviously required going dangerously -- unhealthily -- deep.

But, I’ll confess. I clicked on the link to Mckeaney’s (sp.; no interest in checking the spelling) truth bomb. Just on the off chance, what with tending to be delusional, the odds of a truth containing any facts or, well, truth we’re very, very low, of course.

I gotta confess. Between the linked piece and Roy’s post, I’m going to sign up for emails from the site.

Roy took the half empty POV, I’m going to go with half full. That is, I’ll read it as a satire, wittingly or not.

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Sep 25, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

Even better: I now see that they either don’t have an email sign up thing or I just can’t find it. So I’ll stick with the RSS feed and don’t have to worry about an email address being sold and/or dealing with the effects of any trackers.

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That feed is literally dailydeplorable dot com and if you go there they will welcome you

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Sep 25, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

As I said, I may well have missed something. OTOH, the RSS feed is safer.

The attraction is that I really, really missed during the prior administration something like Mrs. Agnew’s Diary. DD might fill that hole in my life.

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Sep 25, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

Spiggy!

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Sep 25, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

Ah, Spiggy, we hardly knew ye, yet knew you too well.

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Sep 25, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

You make the insanity so entertaining. Many thanks for that. I love when they lie their asses off about something that actually exists, in this case Executive Order 13603. If the bullshit is so thickly laid on with a trowel, why bother using an actual thing? They can just as easily frighten grandpa about Executive Order 12345-67, or the Biden Death To White People Edict No. 52, or Jade Helm 2.0 This Time It's Personal, or anything kiester-spelunked by Super Patriot gold/silver/food hawker no. 12.

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Good point. Maybe they figure a sliver of truth will pull in the slightly more diligent geezer in because that EO will come up in a Bing search.

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Sep 25, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

A long-ago fuckbuddy gone QAnon sent me a breathless account of how Bill Gates and Doc Fauci had developed and patented RFID technology when they were roomies at Cornell, and that this was the basis for the tracking nanoparticles in the “plandemic” so-called vaccine. She even provided the patent number. Well, leaving aside the fact that Cornell bestowed his medical degree on Dr. F in May 1966, at which time young Master Gates was not yet in sixth grade, the patent number was for something else entirely. You’d think a retired attorney might be acquainted with the concept of “due diligence,” but Q has apparently eaten her brain.

Maybe I’ll have an intermediary send her this link. She and her husband fled Communist California a couple of years ago and are now living, according to her daughter, in something resembling a fortified compound in one of the redder precincts of Missouri. Sounds like the target demographic to me…

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Or, as the RW yacketer in the Minion Death Cult intro puts it, "Fascistfornia".

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Don't Californicate Missouri!

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Note: Young Master Gates went on, famously, to attend and then drop out of Harvard. I find myself more and more doubting the credibility of your friend.

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My wife went to Cornell, lately she's been reminding me to get the Vax [eyes narrow in suspicion]

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What is also a great comical touch is the pitchman claiming to be on the Deep State's kill list. You can't just go blabbing secret information about shelves of Skippy peanut butter and copper wire on the internet and expect to die in your bed, you know.

I wonder if they'll send the same commandoes after him who are allegedly trying to kill Scott Adams, the Dilbert guy. It must be an elite, highly trained squad using top secret Grift Detectors to locate their targets.

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He's on the list with Adams, Russell Brand, and Alex Jones.

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Three people who are, oddly, still alive.

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Look MathsGuy, we KNOW 3 is an odd number. Sheesh.

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Some 3's are odder than others.

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Cast them out!

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Well, c'mon everybody knows the Feds are incompetent. But they do get lucky once in a while

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"It must be an elite, highly trained squad"

It stands to reason that the liberal elites would have an elite hit squad...

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Personally, my hope is to be annihilated in the apocalypse as opposed to surviving to live in some Mad Max hellscape where Mel Gibson is the good guy again. Especially if you have to eat that survivalist crap that tastes like salted cardboard with sawdust gravy. Ugh.

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Sep 25, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

My favorite part of the whole pitch is that you know the thing they care about the most is does this stuff taste good.

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Sep 25, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

Hey, didn't you see the part where he does chef's kiss? You can't do that for just any food, they got rules about these things.

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I spent $1499 for QAnon cooking school, but all I got was this "Kiss The Chef" apron.

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Has anybody kissed you yet?

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Weirdly, no. Perhaps it's because whenever I wear it some guy keeps showing up and hanging around. Calls himself Jose´ Andre´s. The apron is like a magnet to this guy!

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Dare to dream!

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-time flies when you’re decompensating-

Not only is this a really solid laugh line, it points the way

to a path out of this mess. Drug companies are doing massive amounts of research on microdosing LSD

to treat anxiety and depression. It's a perfect product for them - it costs absolutely nothing and seems to work pretty well.

It'll work just like Oxycontin and legal weed- Memaw gets a script every month and sells it to her kids and grandkids. She can buy groceries, and the kids get to trip balls. And you know Meemaw and Papaw are bound to try it at least once - before you know it they'll be laughing at this Hardcore nonsense just like we do.

Another thought - why do these guys want to drag around huge satchels of money ( ideally gold bars) through a post-apocalyptic hellscape? Money seems really stupid in that scenario.

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Sep 25, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

With a few simple items from the hardware store, and no more physical strength than it takes to reboot the cable box.

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Sep 25, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

Making plans to needlepoint TIME FLIES WHEN YOU’RE DECOMPENSATING on a pillow.

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The satchels of money and gold bars are for interacting with Bob Menendez, should they meet him.

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Menendez just had a press conference where he claimed he kept bundles of $100 bills in his suit jackets because of his family's history of having their property confiscated in Cuba. Seems wingnut-adjacent, maybe a party-switch is in Bob's future?

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I thought we were finally attaining a both-sides-of-the-aisle sorta parity – by hewing to our absolutist beliefs...but NO, Cubano Bob wants to switch just to keep all the convictions on one side!

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As usual, Abbie Hoffman was ahead of his time.

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Steal This Copper Wire!

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Sep 25, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

"Picture this: The emergency alarms are blaring. One of Biden’s cronies busts into your house...."

HELPLESS OLD WINGNUT: Oh my God, it's Biden's old RINO crony Mitch McConnell! Please don't hurt us, Mr. McConnell; just tell us what you want!"

[Mitch pauses, stares into space for 20 seconds.]

MCCONNELL: I'll come back in again.

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Sep 25, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

I was thinking it might be Biden crony Mitt Romney coming at you with a sensible health care plan, a Book of Mormon, and 40 years of gut-busting behind-the-scenes Senate bloopers.

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Sep 25, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

I'm kind of surprised he went with "cronies" rather than the obvious "thugs." Cronies are the people who give you free vacations in Bermuda, so Gramps might actually be pleased to see one show up. Thugs, on the other hand, are, you know... Those People.

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Sep 25, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

Honestly, nothing more terrifying than opening my front door and finding Rahm Emmanuel.

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author

"Cronies" is in the hardcore lexicon. It means Biden knows people in Warshinton, which is treason.

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Oh, sweet merciful Goddess, no! I had years of the Mormons tracking me down every time I moved, and I finally seem to have lost them.

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Add Mitt is in your reMitt.

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Remember when we all used to call him Mitt "47%" Romney til we started wondering what his other 53% consisted of?

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I think it’s time to invest in gold coins from the Philadelphia Mint. For a limited time only, you can get a 14 carrot gold plated replica of a Donald Trump presidential portrait, straight from his former cover as man of the year from Time Magazine.

On the back is a beautiful picture of Melania wearing her one of a kind jacket that says, “I really don’t care, Do U?”

Act now, and we’ll send you an additional photo of Melania’s new $180k NFT (signed by Barron). And if that’s not enough, we’ll include an entire audio set of Trump’s real estate course from Trump University. Originally, a $5k value, but you get all this for the low, low bargain price of $49.99!

Folks, never again will you have an opportunity to own a Trump coin and real estate course for this price. And given that we have a useless, and deranged octogenarian, who illegally inhabits the Whitehouse, it’s time to act now. And make no mistake, this crooked charlatan could possibly win again, I mean steal the election again; so this may be the last time to own a piece of our greatest president ever: memorabilia collection.

So act now, quantities are limited, and these coins are literally selling themselves.......I kid you not!....:)

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Meant 14 karat, not carrot; damn autocorrect...:)

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Sep 25, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

Original spelling is appropriate to the target audience.

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Well said...:)

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Sep 25, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

I can't think of anything more woke-vegan than 14 carrots.

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"I say it's fiber, and I say the hell with it."

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14-karat carrots could not possibly be vegan, could they? Oh...whoa...! Ma, grab alla the menus! We got a new speciality!

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Sep 25, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

Oh I can see this guy getting murdered at some point. Most likely either a disgruntled business partner or the Ex, after multiple Order Of Protection violations. But The Deep State works in mysterious ways.

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“Thanks to Executive Order 13603 – which the Dems recently signed into effect -“

“Which Dems signed this into effect?”

“All of ‘em, Katy.”

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And a gem from Roy: “Jade Helms Soros Argh Blargh Tyranny.” This is why I pay the big bux.

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