About midway through reading, I suddenly imagined this pitch being given by Stefon, the club kid character Bill Hader did on SNL:
“This disaster scenario has EVERYTHING…a deadly domino effect, a full government shutdown, Chinese spies, Deuteronomy, stockpiles of overpriced mac ‘n cheese, three feet of copper wire, and lots and lots of schadenfreude.”
The End Times will always be with us. How will the preppers and survivalists ever find the room for yet more Doomsday Rations? After all, if you've been following this stuff, you stocked up
In 1999 for the Y2K
In 2000 for the inevitable election of Al Gore
In 2001 because of 9-11
In 2002 because of the invasion of Afghanistan
In 2003 because of the invasion of Iraq
In 2004 because Kerry might have won
In 2007 because the economy was crashing
In 2008 because Obama
In 2009 because Obama, and in 2010, 2011, 2012, 2013, 2014, and 2015
In 2016 because Hitlery was going to be president
In 2017 because liberals were going to riot
In 2018 because Antifa
In 2019 because BLM
In 2020 because covid
In 2021 because Biden
In 2022 because Ukraine
And now this guy telling you the ChiComs are coming! Gotta build a backyard multi-story warehouse for all the survival rations. Indeed, now that I've run out of money and can't afford food (thanks, Biden!), I can start chewing through the 60 years of rations I have stockpiled. Now where did I put that can opener?
Are you okay, Roy? Covid, I mean, not just today’s post which obviously required going dangerously -- unhealthily -- deep.
But, I’ll confess. I clicked on the link to Mckeaney’s (sp.; no interest in checking the spelling) truth bomb. Just on the off chance, what with tending to be delusional, the odds of a truth containing any facts or, well, truth we’re very, very low, of course.
I gotta confess. Between the linked piece and Roy’s post, I’m going to sign up for emails from the site.
Roy took the half empty POV, I’m going to go with half full. That is, I’ll read it as a satire, wittingly or not.
You make the insanity so entertaining. Many thanks for that. I love when they lie their asses off about something that actually exists, in this case Executive Order 13603. If the bullshit is so thickly laid on with a trowel, why bother using an actual thing? They can just as easily frighten grandpa about Executive Order 12345-67, or the Biden Death To White People Edict No. 52, or Jade Helm 2.0 This Time It's Personal, or anything kiester-spelunked by Super Patriot gold/silver/food hawker no. 12.
Personally, my hope is to be annihilated in the apocalypse as opposed to surviving to live in some Mad Max hellscape where Mel Gibson is the good guy again. Especially if you have to eat that survivalist crap that tastes like salted cardboard with sawdust gravy. Ugh.
Not only is this a really solid laugh line, it points the way
to a path out of this mess. Drug companies are doing massive amounts of research on microdosing LSD
to treat anxiety and depression. It's a perfect product for them - it costs absolutely nothing and seems to work pretty well.
It'll work just like Oxycontin and legal weed- Memaw gets a script every month and sells it to her kids and grandkids. She can buy groceries, and the kids get to trip balls. And you know Meemaw and Papaw are bound to try it at least once - before you know it they'll be laughing at this Hardcore nonsense just like we do.
Another thought - why do these guys want to drag around huge satchels of money ( ideally gold bars) through a post-apocalyptic hellscape? Money seems really stupid in that scenario.
I think it’s time to invest in gold coins from the Philadelphia Mint. For a limited time only, you can get a 14 carrot gold plated replica of a Donald Trump presidential portrait, straight from his former cover as man of the year from Time Magazine.
On the back is a beautiful picture of Melania wearing her one of a kind jacket that says, “I really don’t care, Do U?”
Act now, and we’ll send you an additional photo of Melania’s new $180k NFT (signed by Barron). And if that’s not enough, we’ll include an entire audio set of Trump’s real estate course from Trump University. Originally, a $5k value, but you get all this for the low, low bargain price of $49.99!
Folks, never again will you have an opportunity to own a Trump coin and real estate course for this price. And given that we have a useless, and deranged octogenarian, who illegally inhabits the Whitehouse, it’s time to act now. And make no mistake, this crooked charlatan could possibly win again, I mean steal the election again; so this may be the last time to own a piece of our greatest president ever: memorabilia collection.
So act now, quantities are limited, and these coins are literally selling themselves.......I kid you not!....:)
Oh I can see this guy getting murdered at some point. Most likely either a disgruntled business partner or the Ex, after multiple Order Of Protection violations. But The Deep State works in mysterious ways.
Of all the amazin' phrasin' it's "bloody brawls in breadlines" that wins the day.
2 marks!
Well done, Roy.
About midway through reading, I suddenly imagined this pitch being given by Stefon, the club kid character Bill Hader did on SNL:
“This disaster scenario has EVERYTHING…a deadly domino effect, a full government shutdown, Chinese spies, Deuteronomy, stockpiles of overpriced mac ‘n cheese, three feet of copper wire, and lots and lots of schadenfreude.”
Sorry Teddy, but when it comes to food buckets, there’s only one choice.
https://youtu.be/ZtGYl3rrDsc?si=UooFQcr02RAzRVDW
The End Times will always be with us. How will the preppers and survivalists ever find the room for yet more Doomsday Rations? After all, if you've been following this stuff, you stocked up
In 1999 for the Y2K
In 2000 for the inevitable election of Al Gore
In 2001 because of 9-11
In 2002 because of the invasion of Afghanistan
In 2003 because of the invasion of Iraq
In 2004 because Kerry might have won
In 2007 because the economy was crashing
In 2008 because Obama
In 2009 because Obama, and in 2010, 2011, 2012, 2013, 2014, and 2015
In 2016 because Hitlery was going to be president
In 2017 because liberals were going to riot
In 2018 because Antifa
In 2019 because BLM
In 2020 because covid
In 2021 because Biden
In 2022 because Ukraine
And now this guy telling you the ChiComs are coming! Gotta build a backyard multi-story warehouse for all the survival rations. Indeed, now that I've run out of money and can't afford food (thanks, Biden!), I can start chewing through the 60 years of rations I have stockpiled. Now where did I put that can opener?
Quit holding out, Roy: what is the copper wire for?!?
Are you okay, Roy? Covid, I mean, not just today’s post which obviously required going dangerously -- unhealthily -- deep.
But, I’ll confess. I clicked on the link to Mckeaney’s (sp.; no interest in checking the spelling) truth bomb. Just on the off chance, what with tending to be delusional, the odds of a truth containing any facts or, well, truth we’re very, very low, of course.
I gotta confess. Between the linked piece and Roy’s post, I’m going to sign up for emails from the site.
Roy took the half empty POV, I’m going to go with half full. That is, I’ll read it as a satire, wittingly or not.
You make the insanity so entertaining. Many thanks for that. I love when they lie their asses off about something that actually exists, in this case Executive Order 13603. If the bullshit is so thickly laid on with a trowel, why bother using an actual thing? They can just as easily frighten grandpa about Executive Order 12345-67, or the Biden Death To White People Edict No. 52, or Jade Helm 2.0 This Time It's Personal, or anything kiester-spelunked by Super Patriot gold/silver/food hawker no. 12.
Personally, my hope is to be annihilated in the apocalypse as opposed to surviving to live in some Mad Max hellscape where Mel Gibson is the good guy again. Especially if you have to eat that survivalist crap that tastes like salted cardboard with sawdust gravy. Ugh.
-time flies when you’re decompensating-
Not only is this a really solid laugh line, it points the way
to a path out of this mess. Drug companies are doing massive amounts of research on microdosing LSD
to treat anxiety and depression. It's a perfect product for them - it costs absolutely nothing and seems to work pretty well.
It'll work just like Oxycontin and legal weed- Memaw gets a script every month and sells it to her kids and grandkids. She can buy groceries, and the kids get to trip balls. And you know Meemaw and Papaw are bound to try it at least once - before you know it they'll be laughing at this Hardcore nonsense just like we do.
Another thought - why do these guys want to drag around huge satchels of money ( ideally gold bars) through a post-apocalyptic hellscape? Money seems really stupid in that scenario.
"Picture this: The emergency alarms are blaring. One of Biden’s cronies busts into your house...."
HELPLESS OLD WINGNUT: Oh my God, it's Biden's old RINO crony Mitch McConnell! Please don't hurt us, Mr. McConnell; just tell us what you want!"
[Mitch pauses, stares into space for 20 seconds.]
MCCONNELL: I'll come back in again.
I think it’s time to invest in gold coins from the Philadelphia Mint. For a limited time only, you can get a 14 carrot gold plated replica of a Donald Trump presidential portrait, straight from his former cover as man of the year from Time Magazine.
On the back is a beautiful picture of Melania wearing her one of a kind jacket that says, “I really don’t care, Do U?”
Act now, and we’ll send you an additional photo of Melania’s new $180k NFT (signed by Barron). And if that’s not enough, we’ll include an entire audio set of Trump’s real estate course from Trump University. Originally, a $5k value, but you get all this for the low, low bargain price of $49.99!
Folks, never again will you have an opportunity to own a Trump coin and real estate course for this price. And given that we have a useless, and deranged octogenarian, who illegally inhabits the Whitehouse, it’s time to act now. And make no mistake, this crooked charlatan could possibly win again, I mean steal the election again; so this may be the last time to own a piece of our greatest president ever: memorabilia collection.
So act now, quantities are limited, and these coins are literally selling themselves.......I kid you not!....:)
Oh I can see this guy getting murdered at some point. Most likely either a disgruntled business partner or the Ex, after multiple Order Of Protection violations. But The Deep State works in mysterious ways.
“Thanks to Executive Order 13603 – which the Dems recently signed into effect -“
“Which Dems signed this into effect?”
“All of ‘em, Katy.”
And a gem from Roy: “Jade Helms Soros Argh Blargh Tyranny.” This is why I pay the big bux.