Roy, it’s an A-1 banger, hard to pick my favorite among so many howlers, but I think it’s probably “Downtown Jimmy Brown.” Almost spit out coffee on that one.
And the funniest thing about Trump delivering his own closing argument is that it’s NOT a jury trial, and he and his team have been annoying the judge nonstop from the beginning, lol.
The malapropisms are great, but I especially love how Roy captures Trump’s nonsensical segues and off the wall non-sequiturs. Trump's mind must be like a flea on a hot griddle.
We had to use gas cause they made us get rid of the coal ones. You remember the big, beautiful, coal-powered electric chairs we used to have? A man’s chair. A chair that meant something. You knew, the bad guy knew, we all knew it meant business. Not like today. These plastic, garbage, foreign made electric chairs. So small, they hardly go anywhere, they don’t even make any noise, not like a coal-rolling chair. We’re gonna change that too, make the death penalty great again
Near perfect but not enough “very very.” Trump has so many verbal tics, it’s hard to include them all. I imagine some LLM AI fed every Trump quote/tweet could produce the statistically accurate ratio of “very” to “beautiful “ to “some people,” but it would lack Roy’s understanding of the sickness at the root of Trump’s soul, that nothing and no one matters except him. Solipsistic nihilism.
Don't forget his two greatest tells: "unbelievable", which in Trump's case means "Do not, under any circumstances, believe this" and "incredible", which means "Contains no credibility whatsoever."
Good point, although the lack of "very"s didn't stop me from cracking a rib in my convulsions of mirth. The mangled Dickens quote was a bit fancy-schmancy but hilare. All in all, Roy got it more than right: a combination of semi-drunk Mafia don, sundowning oldster, and the Death of Dutch Schultz.
“Plus it’s double jeopardy so I’m immune.”--Diaper Don
Double Jeopardy? Sorry, a political action by Congress (impeachment), is not a criminal action, hence, there is no double jeopardy.
You know yesterday’s immunity hearing was written and dictated by the anointed one. No respectable lawyer in his right mind would argue a president can kill his political rival as part of the presidents official business. Yet, we had a Harvard trained lawyer, who clerked for Scalia, argue just that.
Even Nixon who was the first to make the claim of the Unitary Executive theory would be turning over in his grave. Trump literally wants to turn this nation into an authoritarian kakistocracy; banana republic.
FYI: is it me or do you also notice the hypocrisy of Trump’s Harvard trained lawyer. Cruz, Hawley, Stefanik and several other right-wing water boys for Trump, were all trained at Harvard; yet, these same charlatans claim that Harvard and all the other elite universities are brainwashing their kids with a left-wing radical agenda.
If that’s true, what do we call these imbeciles? Just asking for a friend...:)
Maybe I shouldn't be so surprised, but one thing we've learned over the last few years is how many lawyers trained at our most respected institutions are willing to beclown themselves.
What is this strange power he has over lawyers? Just look at that guy he sent in front of the DC appeals court yesterday, poor guy being batted around like a tennis ball by the 3 judges: "OK, I'm done humiliating him now, you want a turn at this?"
He's never gonna live this down, it's the cap to his legal career, the first line in his obituary, if anyone bothers to write one. And then Trump will stiff him on his bill. Just one of a long line of broken lawyers, Cohen, Giuliani, but they keep linin' up to serve.
Beautiful, beautiful birds. Just the other day, a bird -- big beefy one, an emu I think -- came up to me on his knees -- his KNEES, folks -- and thanked me. Thanked me for all I've done for the birds. There were tears rolling down his beak. Big, strong, masculine bird.
I just had a thought. Let’s hope the SC rules in Trump’s favor. By Trump’s own logic, Biden could call up SEAL Team Six, and assassinate Trump, Bannon, Miller and the rest of the congressional sycophantic lapdogs as part of his official executive business.
Give me a billion dollars, I promise you'll never hear from me again (I don't usually fantasize about being a billionaire, but one aspect of it - that you don't have to carry a set of keys or a phone with you EVER if you don't want to - does appeal to me.)
This amazing. It's a drinking game: every time the dotard says something in public that repeats something from the post one takes a shot.
Only problem with that is the part where one might have to actually listen to him. Still. Can be huge fun, fun like the world has never had, only he could provide such fun, believe me.
Sadly, my prediction is that he backs out at the last minute. Maybe never even intended to do it, or maybe just one of his lucid fantasies. Anyway, critical to the backing out will be the whining at the press conference following he judge's decision that he WAS NOT ALLOWED to speak.
Of course he’s not going to speak. I presume the post is alluding to appellate argument. If so, he’s lawyer’s implied go ahead to Dark Brandon to have the client whacked would resolve the problem.
He knows he's losing and hoping the MAGA minions will burn America to the ground while he wails about the exculpatory evidence he was not allowed to present.
Just like all the evidence of vote fraud (MASSIVE evidence!) that Rudy was NOT ALLOWED to present at his libel trial! It's been three years, but somehow that darn evidence remains unpresented.
He’s infantile, monstrous and no scruples and since 2020, he’s been a clear historic loser. He must be returned to office by any all means -- and not doing so in a manner that alienates the MAGAts, the only people who give any love (not that he reciprocates of course).
He's only loved by about half of Republican voters, half of the primary voters name someone else as their first choice. Of course 90%-plus will still vote for him if he's the nominee, but can he afford the loss of even 5% in a close election? Join us next week for another episode of "Questions no one on MSNBC will ever ask."
I try to never watch video of that festering oozeblob, but just yesterday I caught a CNN clip with him announcing he’d free the J6 thugs. “I don’t call them prisoners. I call them hostages.”
Then, “So come on, Joe. Free the hostages, Joe.” It was the way he puckered his yap and said “Joe” using this obnoxious petulant schoolyard bully/valley girl inflection. Really nauseating and the visual made it so much worse.
As a progressive liberal adhering to a creed of non-violence yadda yadda, but I sure wanted to knock him on his ass.
Compare him with 2016 Trump. All the awfulness was there back then, but occasionally he'd throw some fake concern for the coal miners and factory workers into his bad-standup-comic act. But no longer, now it's all about HIM, how badly he's been treated (so unfair!) plus the funny voices, clearly enjoying how "They" go nuts when he says he wants to be a dictator ("They" being anyone not fully inducted into the cult.) Just the thing to really strike a chord with the average American voter, amirite?
MSNBC host plays this very clip and then asks her panel of experts: "What's his strategy here?" And that's when my head explodes. ITS NOT A STRATEGY HES JUST A CRAZY OLD MAN WHO SAYS CRAZY SHIT TO HIS CRAZY AUDIENCE AND HE HAS ZERO IMPULSE CONTROL BECAUSE HES BEEN CODDLED AND PROTECTED HIS WHOLE LIFE AND HAS NEVER SUFFERED ANY CONSEQUENCES FOR HIS HORRIBLE BEHAVIOR.
The panel of experts went with "Energizing his base."
OK, I'm calmer now. He's running for President, right? So he needs lots of people to vote for him, or did they change that? Name a single person he gains through this "hostages" stuff that wasn't already 110% on his team. Does that matter? No? OK, I'll stop asking pointless questions now, thanks for listening.
Those veins of yours were in grave danger for a bit. I was trying to deputize an intervention force, but mosta the folks here were goin' "Nah – let's just watch awhile"...
HOST: “And yet, Neera, Republican voters will fall in line and vote for him, regardless of message, because they’re authoritarian by nature. How do the Democrats counter that?”
NEERA: “We need to focus on the basics, like playing it safe, punching left, and scolding our own voters.”
Biden's big speech where he tore Trump a new one, the MSNBC host kicked off the discussion with "Biden's Risky Campaign Gamble?" Because, you see, most voters don't list "Preventing the total destruction of our democratic system" as Number One in their priorities. Shouldn't he be talking about the price of eggs instead? (Also, if Biden does talk about the price of eggs, cue the Lincoln Project strategists, who will criticize him for not going after Trump enough.)
He has a strategy the way he had a vision for the Presidency. It just so happens to be the biggliest popularity contest in the whole wide world, which means Wussy Galore HAS to win it! The grifting opportunities are, of course, YUGE, but he really just needs to have the best superlative in the yearbook.
Occasionally I have to have that difficult conversation with a student where I explain that WANTING to succeed in my class is not a STRATEGY to succeed in my class.
This is brilliant and hilarious, and I won't fault you for not coming up with "‘Most people agree that we’re entitled to immunity" an actual thing he actually said outside a courtroom where his lawyer just had the shit kicked out of him by three judges who clearly did NOT agree with him that he's entitled to immunity. Even the most imaginative parodist can't take things where Trump will take them.
His Ivy League lawyers have adopted the unassailable argument familiar to toddlers who don't want to put on their shoes before going outside in the cold: Waaaaaaahhhhhh it's not faaaiiiirrrr.
Roy, it’s an A-1 banger, hard to pick my favorite among so many howlers, but I think it’s probably “Downtown Jimmy Brown.” Almost spit out coffee on that one.
And the funniest thing about Trump delivering his own closing argument is that it’s NOT a jury trial, and he and his team have been annoying the judge nonstop from the beginning, lol.
Oh yeah, Downtown Jimmy Brown and the Gas Powered Electric Chair.
Brilliant! Of course, "Man slowly dying of electrocution" uses the same package of gestures used for "Disabled New York Times reporter."
He's workin' on "Elderly woman in wheelchair tipped down stairs", will be hilarious when he gets it just right.
Hearted but Yikes!
America’s Most Disturbing Home Videos
Ah, the Schopenhauer Episode
The malapropisms are great, but I especially love how Roy captures Trump’s nonsensical segues and off the wall non-sequiturs. Trump's mind must be like a flea on a hot griddle.
Tiny, and about to expire at any moment?
And yet so hard to get rid of.
Mentally tiny but physically YUGE!
A small quibble: we got the beautiful gas stoves, but I miss the low-flow toilets.
I'm not sure they make low-flow toilets in gold, so Trump may be unaware of them.
Don't kid yourself, it's gold spray paint. Save a few bucks, impress the rubes.
Plus, it can do double-duty as his hair dye in a pinch, win/win.
Insurrection Cook-Top
Every time MAGA troops deign reflect
Toward their Queensman they then genuflect
And their heartbeats are heightened
Whene’er normies get frightened
By the thought of his next insurrect
If you shot Trump through the head the bullet wouldn’t hit any vital organs.
Twituitary gland wanna word...
"Bad boys bad boys what 'cha gonna do/When the sheriff Jim Brown comes for you"
You don't mess around with Jim!
We had to use gas cause they made us get rid of the coal ones. You remember the big, beautiful, coal-powered electric chairs we used to have? A man’s chair. A chair that meant something. You knew, the bad guy knew, we all knew it meant business. Not like today. These plastic, garbage, foreign made electric chairs. So small, they hardly go anywhere, they don’t even make any noise, not like a coal-rolling chair. We’re gonna change that too, make the death penalty great again
You know people must REALLY want you dead when they go through the trouble to dig up a ton of coal to do it.
Make Coal Scuttles Great Again
In America, coal scuttles YOU!
"Downtown Jimmy Brown – Baddest Brown in the Whole Damn Town"
"VOICE FROM DARKNESS: When you take the drink, sir, just take it, don’t say that you’re taking it."
Is my phrase to live by from here to eternity and beyond!
A banger that slaps?
It's a virtual cacophony of satirical piss-taking!
Up a Rope!
Jimmy Brown the NFL hall of famer or Jimmy Brown the Godfather of Soul?
Hardest working man in the insurrection business.
Brown. James Brown.
3 marks!
I'll throw in a few florins...
We're not asking you to break the bank...maybe just bend it a little...
Near perfect but not enough “very very.” Trump has so many verbal tics, it’s hard to include them all. I imagine some LLM AI fed every Trump quote/tweet could produce the statistically accurate ratio of “very” to “beautiful “ to “some people,” but it would lack Roy’s understanding of the sickness at the root of Trump’s soul, that nothing and no one matters except him. Solipsistic nihilism.
"a year, not even a year, less,"...
Thing is, we can hear the dude between our ears. But it takes Roy's genius phrasing. So I guess I gotta blame Roy's parents. Sad.
You really can hear it in the voice of the Orange Man.
Don't forget his two greatest tells: "unbelievable", which in Trump's case means "Do not, under any circumstances, believe this" and "incredible", which means "Contains no credibility whatsoever."
Good point, although the lack of "very"s didn't stop me from cracking a rib in my convulsions of mirth. The mangled Dickens quote was a bit fancy-schmancy but hilare. All in all, Roy got it more than right: a combination of semi-drunk Mafia don, sundowning oldster, and the Death of Dutch Schultz.
Yet another journalist reduced to stenography —
OOF.
“Plus it’s double jeopardy so I’m immune.”--Diaper Don
Double Jeopardy? Sorry, a political action by Congress (impeachment), is not a criminal action, hence, there is no double jeopardy.
You know yesterday’s immunity hearing was written and dictated by the anointed one. No respectable lawyer in his right mind would argue a president can kill his political rival as part of the presidents official business. Yet, we had a Harvard trained lawyer, who clerked for Scalia, argue just that.
Even Nixon who was the first to make the claim of the Unitary Executive theory would be turning over in his grave. Trump literally wants to turn this nation into an authoritarian kakistocracy; banana republic.
FYI: is it me or do you also notice the hypocrisy of Trump’s Harvard trained lawyer. Cruz, Hawley, Stefanik and several other right-wing water boys for Trump, were all trained at Harvard; yet, these same charlatans claim that Harvard and all the other elite universities are brainwashing their kids with a left-wing radical agenda.
If that’s true, what do we call these imbeciles? Just asking for a friend...:)
Agreed...:)
It’s MBAs all the way down.
Maybe I shouldn't be so surprised, but one thing we've learned over the last few years is how many lawyers trained at our most respected institutions are willing to beclown themselves.
What is this strange power he has over lawyers? Just look at that guy he sent in front of the DC appeals court yesterday, poor guy being batted around like a tennis ball by the 3 judges: "OK, I'm done humiliating him now, you want a turn at this?"
He's never gonna live this down, it's the cap to his legal career, the first line in his obituary, if anyone bothers to write one. And then Trump will stiff him on his bill. Just one of a long line of broken lawyers, Cohen, Giuliani, but they keep linin' up to serve.
Sauer.
Remember the name.
By the end of his Torture-by-the-Socratic-Method, he was one sour Kraut.
I imagine Trump seething with envy every time a Putin associate goes out a window.
The Russians, very smart, they know how to do executive immunity right.
Nah, it's just convenience. They got lotsa tall buildings just lyin' around doin' nothin' productive...
In Russia, gravity works for Putin!
Nixon’s grave spinning would be propelled by envy.
I'm seeing a Calder mobile at Yorba Linda.
IT'S OUTTA CONTROL!!! RUUUUNNNNN!!!
Spinning like one of those bird-murdering wind turbines!
We love the birds, don't we, folks?
Beautiful, beautiful birds. Just the other day, a bird -- big beefy one, an emu I think -- came up to me on his knees -- his KNEES, folks -- and thanked me. Thanked me for all I've done for the birds. There were tears rolling down his beak. Big, strong, masculine bird.
Emo Emu
Yeah, I heart the emu.
Or (as my Harvard-trained scholar friend likes to say): "You can always tell a Harvard man...but you can't tell him much".
Which is apparently the officially-approved self-mock of the enterprise.
"Harvard! My alma mater AND the nation's vilest threat!" say folks with no self-regard (or alternately FAR TOO MUCH self-regard...)
Well said...:)
"a Harvard trained lawyer, who clerked for Scalia" I rest my case
Exactly...:)
I just had a thought. Let’s hope the SC rules in Trump’s favor. By Trump’s own logic, Biden could call up SEAL Team Six, and assassinate Trump, Bannon, Miller and the rest of the congressional sycophantic lapdogs as part of his official executive business.
Problem solved: American democracy saved....:)
WOW! That was easy...!
Ubi sunt the great jurists of yesteryear like Scalia and Rehnquist and Taney?
That train done gone, son...
Somewhere in the dim MTV past, Downtown Julie Brown is seething with indignation and preparing to file a copyright infringement claim. 🤣
DJB is the ex-SIL of the woman who cuts my hair. She married a German billionaire and gives no fucks.
It's the German that makes it sparkle.
The German billionaires have the right idea, I think. Name just one. See what I mean?
The South Africans ones should take a hint.
Give me a billion dollars, I promise you'll never hear from me again (I don't usually fantasize about being a billionaire, but one aspect of it - that you don't have to carry a set of keys or a phone with you EVER if you don't want to - does appeal to me.)
Ok alla resta yins. Here's our chance. I'm in for $5. Who's with me?
Wubba wubba wubba!
or the other Julie Brown
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gVie2K-mMtc
This amazing. It's a drinking game: every time the dotard says something in public that repeats something from the post one takes a shot.
Only problem with that is the part where one might have to actually listen to him. Still. Can be huge fun, fun like the world has never had, only he could provide such fun, believe me.
Sadly, my prediction is that he backs out at the last minute. Maybe never even intended to do it, or maybe just one of his lucid fantasies. Anyway, critical to the backing out will be the whining at the press conference following he judge's decision that he WAS NOT ALLOWED to speak.
Of course he’s not going to speak. I presume the post is alluding to appellate argument. If so, he’s lawyer’s implied go ahead to Dark Brandon to have the client whacked would resolve the problem.
He knows he's losing and hoping the MAGA minions will burn America to the ground while he wails about the exculpatory evidence he was not allowed to present.
Just like all the evidence of vote fraud (MASSIVE evidence!) that Rudy was NOT ALLOWED to present at his libel trial! It's been three years, but somehow that darn evidence remains unpresented.
Actually, it’s worse than that.
He’s infantile, monstrous and no scruples and since 2020, he’s been a clear historic loser. He must be returned to office by any all means -- and not doing so in a manner that alienates the MAGAts, the only people who give any love (not that he reciprocates of course).
He's only loved by about half of Republican voters, half of the primary voters name someone else as their first choice. Of course 90%-plus will still vote for him if he's the nominee, but can he afford the loss of even 5% in a close election? Join us next week for another episode of "Questions no one on MSNBC will ever ask."
The missus, who is pretty well connected to reality, heard a recording of Queensman speaking somewhere a couple months ago.
Her first time.
She was, shall we say, taken, if not aback, at least aside...
Then she had a drink.
Priorities enstraightened.
Nah, fish-free...
porpoises are mammals
I'm allowed 5 minutes MAX at dinner for talk about a particular person, you might have noticed that this causes some spillover into other venues.
...because...
wait for it...
it was an afront!
So good that half way through I reflexively closed the tab.
This is funny but I don't know why.
Inherit the Windbag
You shall inherit the windbag, which is held in a blind trust.
...And then Joe Biden walked into the courtroom and shot Trump.
Wins the O. Henry award for surprise endings.
The G(r)ift Of The MAGA
Ooo.
2 marks.
"I cut off your hair and sold it to buy a silver watch chain for myself, while also keeping the watch for myself."
I try to never watch video of that festering oozeblob, but just yesterday I caught a CNN clip with him announcing he’d free the J6 thugs. “I don’t call them prisoners. I call them hostages.”
Then, “So come on, Joe. Free the hostages, Joe.” It was the way he puckered his yap and said “Joe” using this obnoxious petulant schoolyard bully/valley girl inflection. Really nauseating and the visual made it so much worse.
As a progressive liberal adhering to a creed of non-violence yadda yadda, but I sure wanted to knock him on his ass.
Compare him with 2016 Trump. All the awfulness was there back then, but occasionally he'd throw some fake concern for the coal miners and factory workers into his bad-standup-comic act. But no longer, now it's all about HIM, how badly he's been treated (so unfair!) plus the funny voices, clearly enjoying how "They" go nuts when he says he wants to be a dictator ("They" being anyone not fully inducted into the cult.) Just the thing to really strike a chord with the average American voter, amirite?
Plus giving Trump what-for seems to take about 10 years off.
MSNBC host plays this very clip and then asks her panel of experts: "What's his strategy here?" And that's when my head explodes. ITS NOT A STRATEGY HES JUST A CRAZY OLD MAN WHO SAYS CRAZY SHIT TO HIS CRAZY AUDIENCE AND HE HAS ZERO IMPULSE CONTROL BECAUSE HES BEEN CODDLED AND PROTECTED HIS WHOLE LIFE AND HAS NEVER SUFFERED ANY CONSEQUENCES FOR HIS HORRIBLE BEHAVIOR.
The panel of experts went with "Energizing his base."
OK, I'm calmer now. He's running for President, right? So he needs lots of people to vote for him, or did they change that? Name a single person he gains through this "hostages" stuff that wasn't already 110% on his team. Does that matter? No? OK, I'll stop asking pointless questions now, thanks for listening.
Those veins of yours were in grave danger for a bit. I was trying to deputize an intervention force, but mosta the folks here were goin' "Nah – let's just watch awhile"...
Ah, so the same strategy the Mrs. uses.
She knows the secret to happiness: When there's entertainment to be had, don't rush it.
Also, and amusingly:
When I opened the "Activity" draw-down, what I read from you looks like this:
"Ah, so the same strategy the Mrs. uses"
"Exactly the same, plus a cartoon duck."
So there's that...
I'm starting to think we're sharing the same voice in the head.
"The panel of experts went with 'Energizing his base.'"
(Ever notice how no other politician in America has a "base" but Trumpov?)
That's because you can't get more base than Trump. (OK, maybe you can, but I for one am unwilling to contemplate the notion.)
True, he's not a perfect 10, he's a perfect 14 (on the Ph scale)
(Used DuckDuckGo to check my vaguely-remembered high school chemistry)
He's the Ace of Base.
Never mind that – you've jumped (search) ship!
Wot's it loike?
Exactly the same, plus a cartoon duck.
You can go higher than 14 and it's pH not Ph
Thanks, clearly my pHd is not in Chemistry.
I kinda agree. I mean yeah, many politicians invoke the opinion in me:
Needs more bass.
HOST: “And yet, Neera, Republican voters will fall in line and vote for him, regardless of message, because they’re authoritarian by nature. How do the Democrats counter that?”
NEERA: “We need to focus on the basics, like playing it safe, punching left, and scolding our own voters.”
Biden's big speech where he tore Trump a new one, the MSNBC host kicked off the discussion with "Biden's Risky Campaign Gamble?" Because, you see, most voters don't list "Preventing the total destruction of our democratic system" as Number One in their priorities. Shouldn't he be talking about the price of eggs instead? (Also, if Biden does talk about the price of eggs, cue the Lincoln Project strategists, who will criticize him for not going after Trump enough.)
He has a strategy the way he had a vision for the Presidency. It just so happens to be the biggliest popularity contest in the whole wide world, which means Wussy Galore HAS to win it! The grifting opportunities are, of course, YUGE, but he really just needs to have the best superlative in the yearbook.
Occasionally I have to have that difficult conversation with a student where I explain that WANTING to succeed in my class is not a STRATEGY to succeed in my class.
This is brilliant and hilarious, and I won't fault you for not coming up with "‘Most people agree that we’re entitled to immunity" an actual thing he actually said outside a courtroom where his lawyer just had the shit kicked out of him by three judges who clearly did NOT agree with him that he's entitled to immunity. Even the most imaginative parodist can't take things where Trump will take them.
goddam entitlement programs!
You only get to be considered people if you agree with him about immunity
Ah, got it. I can see the Venn diagram now.
Wow. This is a cornucopia of incredible. And so easy to visualize. *chef's kiss*
Yes, a work of genius, but the man himself deserves some credit for our ease of visualization. Fucker won't get out of my head.
So true.
Bad news Roy, judge nixes Trump speaking because he won’t agree to stay on topic. Email chain between the judge and Trumps lawyer is a knee slapper!
https://www.lawyersgunsmoneyblog.com/2024/01/to-the-finland-station#comment-6363578373
His Ivy League lawyers have adopted the unassailable argument familiar to toddlers who don't want to put on their shoes before going outside in the cold: Waaaaaaahhhhhh it's not faaaiiiirrrr.
Yikes! I've never talked to even the most irresponsible student in the way that this judge talks to Trump's lawyers. And I've taught middle school.
"And I've taught middle school."
[cue enormous gasp from crowd]