104 Comments
Jul 26, 2022Liked by Roy Edroso

I do like that young Mr Hogg. Also, I am pleased to know you will nope out if the bullshit gets too thick in there. I worry about your sanity.

I'm gonna go to bed soon and dream of grandparents attempting to figure out crypto after the guy they know on Facebook told them it was the only way to avoid the mark of the beast.

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author

What's to figure? Just send money where they tell you! The royal road.

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Jul 26, 2022Liked by Roy Edroso

"Rickards goes on to tell us that, with the help of “AOC,” the Dems will now be able to punish social media comments they don’t like..."

Wait, doesn't he mean "AOL"? Isn't that where Gramps is posting his online comments?

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He's got mail. OH BOY does he got mail.

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No, he means the representative Ocasio-Cortez, who one presumes in the future imagined by this idiot, put forth a social media bill

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Just once I wish one of Carlson's guests would ask him on TV if he's heard the crack about him always looking like he just walked in on his prom date going down on his best friend and then mimic that stupid look of open mouthed, frowning incomprehension that idiot does all the time. Since they're almost exclusively fellow travelers, this is highly unlikely to happen, but a guy can dream.

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This is the absolute best description of TC I've ever read

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Yeah, this is way better than "That look your dog gets when you hide the tennis ball behind your back."

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author

Sometimes he's been burned by guests, but I'm sure he's since taken steps not to let footage like this escape his studio. https://www.thedailybeast.com/video-tucker-carlsons-unaired-meltdown-after-rutger-bregman-calls-out-fox-news

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He's such a little shit. He sounds about as menacing as the guy in my basic training unit who tried to kill himself and then threatened to get even with me over some trivial nonsense. I could only laugh at him as Bregman did at Carlson.

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Was that guy's name Carthage? You are quoted as saying Carthage must be destroyed

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I forget the guy's name although I can probably look it up in my basic training yearbook (yes, we got a yearbook at the end if we survived!). He was just the first in a long, depressing series of losers I met.

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You were lucky, I knew some losers back in high school

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Jul 26, 2022·edited Jul 26, 2022

I'm still partial to 'Central Casting‘s idea of a weak-willed Gauleiter', but fair enough.

I mean, I might want to describe him somewhere where they don't want my mentioning oral-genital intimacy whether it has obstructed interstate commerce* or not.

*Rat-a-tat…tat: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sCetbzuXosI&ab_channel=SirLancelot-Topic

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I wake up confused: Crypto is not (at least potentially) a "trackable 'Spyware' Version" form of currency? I love my hardcore!

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Jul 26, 2022Liked by Roy Edroso

No, silly, because something something computers.

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Jul 26, 2022Liked by Roy Edroso

There’s a very expensive, high bar to entry, which is how you know it’s safe and totally not a multilevel marketing scheme!

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The Cloud

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I have a sudden inspiration of a superhero who is The Cloud. She's always conferring with the rest of the gang, answering in excruciating detail the most important questions about saving the world or the universe or some such, but simultaneously dealing with all the porn requests, TikTok dances, insurrection plotters, cat videos, Google street view car wrecks, Trump tweets and crypto failures, so she's always, shall we say, a little on edge. I imagine Michelle Yeoh or maybe Laura Linney (against type) or even Salma Hayek (mostly because I simply enjoy imagining Salma Hayek). Oo, Oo! Queen Latifah!

We could even franchise the damn thing! They'd all have a shot! Even Jodie Foster, taking it darker and doomier! Jamie Lee Curtis! Followed by Rene Russo! Sigourney Weaver & Helen Mirren maybe a little to typecast, but we'd cattle call 'em all for a brutal ritual trimming down of the applicants. Fun, huh?

Who's got $150mil lyin' around?

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There would need to be a bunch of them, with the data moving to the next one every few seconds

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Careful now – corporate ain't gonna like the sounda those cash registers...

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They're like the Sirens in O Brother Where Art Thou?

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Only if you believe the ledger can't be traced back to your wallet

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"Ledgers? We ain't got no ledgers! We don't need no ledgers! I don't have to show you any stinking ledgers!"

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Jul 26, 2022Liked by Roy Edroso

“Tucker Carlson is critical of Joe Biden” isn’t even a dog bites man story, it’s more like Breaking News: the sun rises in the east.

Also, one thing these Hardcore trashcan items highlight is how the “do your own research” crowd is only interested in “research” when they’ve ALREADY decided they disagree with or don’t like the issue in question. But when an issue aligns with their worldview they’ll swallow literally anything and ask for more.

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Jul 26, 2022Liked by Roy Edroso

Yeah, but wait til you hear WHY he's critical of Joe Biden THIS TIME! It's... oh, wait, that's just the same shit he always says. Never mind.

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"Tucker Carlson is critical of Joe Biden" is more a flea-bites-dog story.

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Jul 26, 2022·edited Jul 26, 2022Liked by Roy Edroso

This is great -Thanks again !

"Biden is senile and also an iron-fisted dictator" in much the same way as Obama was an effete pansexual with his iron studded jackboot on the necks of hardworking Americans.

Simoleons - the three dollar word that's actually only worth a dollar.

I am certain we will get to see a massive bailout worth billions of some RedState teachers retirement fund when the Q-addled State Treasurer invests it all in Crypto with predictable results.

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'bailout'...? Yeah right

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Jul 26, 2022Liked by Roy Edroso

"Teachers Pensions Lost", feature, not bug, etc.

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Obama, Hillary, Nancy Pelosi, the Jan. 6 Committee -- all 98-pound halfwit weaklings who will also control you and your loved ones for all of eternity without the vigilance of patriots like your senile grampa. That one is evergreen.

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author

A lot of low palaver is multisyllabic -- one dollar three-dollar words, as you say. Like "skillagalee."

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https://greensdictofslang.com/

Pretty indispensable! Fun too.

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Thanks, Slam!

From now on, when I post some stupid thing with slangy nonsense, I'mo say "Look it up" and include a link...

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The cheaper the crook...

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Simoleon Moneypart

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I prefer "spondulix" myself.

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In the Oxford Digby Manuscript containing le Chanson de Roland, the earliest & most complete version of the Old French epic, most of the stanzas are followed by capital letters in the right margin that spell "AOI". No one is sure what it means exactly, but may be pronounced something like "oui" and may be a imitated war cry for the audience to repeat as affirmation of the story (something like a "Fuck yeah!).

Anyhooz, when I sees "AOC" I think of that cryptic little syllable...

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Jul 26, 2022Liked by Roy Edroso

Roland’s story was meant to be trillable

Jongleurs certainly found it quite billable

They’d yell out a AOI!

And then ask for their fee

Based on one cryptic little syllable

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Alright, I'm buying some crypto & sending it your way.

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Nah – go all in on Mega Millions!

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Jul 26, 2022Liked by Roy Edroso

France, fuck yeah!

Comin' again to save the motherfuckin' day, yeah

France, fuck Yeah!

Frenchness is the only way, yeah

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Jul 26, 2022Liked by Roy Edroso

At the last minute the scribe decided on the cryptic AOI instead of LOL or YMMV.

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author

Very astute, mon ami.

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Might be (leftover) Occitan?

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AOC vs. AOI ?? Like your style...

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Jul 26, 2022Liked by Roy Edroso

Given the “historic” “crash” in gasoline prices this week, I suggest everyone move their investments from oil companies to my new virtual currency, Gypto, backed by the full faith and credit of some guys with a lot of consonants in their names. Some of you failed to get in on the ground floor of Cryocurrency, the Finnish reindeer-backed alternative money that’s been in the news recently (none of the arrests involved any top executives), so you won’t want to sleep on this latest offering. Act now!

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Jul 26, 2022·edited Jul 26, 2022Liked by Roy Edroso

Gypto! It and it alone brings out the Gypsy in me!

(h/t Gershwin and apologies to the Roma people)

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Jul 26, 2022Liked by Roy Edroso

2 marks!

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Jul 26, 2022Liked by Roy Edroso

Come to think of it, there's an almost infinite number of marks watching the channels Roy trolls...otherwise the grift would not roll on down thru the mists of time...

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Jul 26, 2022·edited Jul 26, 2022Liked by Roy Edroso

Shouldn’t be euros?

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Deutschmarks/Reichsmarks/Rentenmarks. . .

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Grouch, Chico, Harpo, Zeppo, Gummo, Karl & Spencer...

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Jul 26, 2022Liked by Roy Edroso

Thanks. I will now have the Gershwin medley from high school chorus stuck in my head all day.

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Embrace it, you Sweet Embraceable You!

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Jul 26, 2022Liked by Roy Edroso

That was there too, along with Fascinating Rhythm, Swannee, Strike Up the Band, et al. I am now in Gershwin snippet hell.

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We’ll, the Gershwin ditties are magnitudes better than some earworms. But I wouldn’t like it in a high school chorus format so much,either.

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It was at All State Chorus, and every school, even our little cowtown, got to send at least one SATB, so there were *hundreds* of us singing Gershwin.

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I tried to get in on Cryocurrency but they froze my assets.

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The did that to a bunch of cryptocurrency too. There was a story today about a dude who invested all his families ~$200k in Celsius. He prided himself on being a smart investor

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Should have invested in Kelvin. It never goes negative.

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Oof

Just Oof

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or Rankine

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Jul 26, 2022Liked by Roy Edroso

"But my apologies, I didn’t listen all the way to the end"

I was thinking of withholding a penny from this month's stipend for your lack of fortitude, then I saw you offered up a link for us to read the whole fecal tumescence (2 marks!) and decided I'll withhold TWO pennies 'cause I did not sign up for that level of personal sacrifice...

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Jul 26, 2022Liked by Roy Edroso

Ah, where's the work ethic with the kids these days? When my grandpa was a hardcore miner, he started at age 12, working 16 hours a day digging up conspiracy theories about the Spanish plot to sink the Maine.

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Jul 26, 2022Liked by Roy Edroso

Oh yeah – I'd forgotten about the Maine...

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Shout out for " fecal tumescence".

Wait- that's no good . How about -

Shout out for the phrase " fecal tumescence"

Ok.Just forget it.

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Jul 26, 2022Liked by Roy Edroso

Yeah. Let's just drop it.

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I saw what you did there and it ain’t pretty.

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Jul 26, 2022Liked by Roy Edroso

I've seen TV ads for everything from Peyronie's disease to Dupuytren's contracture, so I have to assume Big Pharma is whipping up a little something for those suffering from fecal tumescence too. Getting them to take the stuff is another matter.

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Sounds like a job for Ivermectin.

Which also makes a fine floor polish. It's also delicious on pie and ice cream .Any dessert really.

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I believe Wow Chips were made to treat fecal tumescence

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Jul 26, 2022Liked by Roy Edroso

When they told Gramps the news about crypto

He thought he’d been secretly hipped, so

He did something rash

And converted his cash

He was well and truly gypto

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The coming apocalypto

Made Gramps go all-in on crypto

Well, that and

A barrel of Crisco

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Jul 26, 2022Liked by Roy Edroso

"...fecal tumescence..."

What a turn of a phrase. Or maybe it's just the kind of phrase that hits *my* buttons.

As for crypto, it's one of those moral perversions that pushes the cranky old fart buttons: Something that's a tool for scammers and money launderers is something that's wrong to be the target of any state policing or supervision. Sort of like the comrades and, at the other end of the spectrum, RWNJ and Republicans support Putin's wholly unjustifiable invasion of Ukraine. By definition, unjustifiable is indefensible, or so one would think.

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Jul 26, 2022·edited Jul 26, 2022Liked by Roy Edroso

“Federal Reserve Act of 1934”

Ah yes, the elder days when Sauron—I mean FDR—ruled with an iron fist and imposed martial law, which something something something, ergo “Sovereign Citizens” movement, and that’s why I don’t have to pay taxes (or my legally-incurred debts).

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Jul 26, 2022Liked by Roy Edroso

After years of hysterical alarm, you'd think the consumers of this shite might one day notice that they have not been denuded of their guns, their cash, or their freedom, and they are reading or watching the very thing that was supposed to be BANNED under the communist Obama/Biden regime. Of course, the easy answer is that it was only the shrill warnings from the enlightened grifters coming to the rescue that prevented the terrible predictions from actually happening. Must be some rollercoaster ride to go from "OHMIGOD OHMIGOD" to "Whew! That was close" over and over.

PS "fecal tumescence" is just swell.

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Thanks, that rollercoaster analogy is a really good one. It's the threat of danger with no actual danger (if the carnies have tightened all the bolts properly.)

And, as much as I hate to kill all the fun they're having with their Massive Multiplayer Real-World Role-Playing Game, we do kinda need the United States government for a few pressing concerns right now...

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"if the carnies have tightened all the bolts properly"

That "if" is straining under the SteveB-imposed load...

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This is probably a good time to clarify I'm NOT the SteveB who's currently awaiting sentencing. He's a load that would strain any structure.

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No sentencing for this SteveB! Sentence fragments will do.

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I... uh... yeah....

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Good, very fragmented

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Jul 26, 2022Liked by Roy Edroso

Can we have a semi-regular Hardcore: Special Grammar Unit? I am especially interested in a deep dive into random word capitalization, its origin and purpose.

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Grammar? I'm in.

I was always amused by the seemingly random capitalization practices in early print -- most notably in 17th & 18th century novels. Those are not my specialty, but I never heard a convincing argument for what they signified.

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GraMMar an' GRAmps have had Quite EnoUGH of yOur ImpERTInence! LeAve our HaRAnGUES alONE!

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Jul 26, 2022Liked by Roy Edroso

The best way to protect ourselves from “legal government surveillance of all U.S. citizens" is by sounding the alarm -- along with posting about your every thought and feeling, your family milestones, as well as your daily mundanities, your preferences and purchases, your photos and videos -- on Facebook.

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And if you ever invade the U.S. Capitol in the company of an armed mob, be sure to livestream the whole thing, thanks - Your friends in the U.S. Justice Dept.

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Jul 26, 2022·edited Jul 26, 2022

I still blows me away that we have video of the Three Percenters and the Proud Boys meeting in a parking garage on Jan. 5. "We need to meet in this parking garage so the government can't spy on us, but hey, everyone, say hello to Joe the Videographer, I invited him to tag along for the day cuz I'm gonna be famous."

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And the entire structure is under 24-hour surveillance by the lot operators

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D'oh!

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