145 Comments

Did you know that Roy is giving up REBID and auditioning for WaPo?

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They could use his help.

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7hEdited

"Only... uh... Mr. Edroso, sir... we don't need the news two days before it happens, could you please slow down your usual creative process so your reporting comes out AFTER the real events transpire?"

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[monkey’s paw curls]

Be careful: the WaPo has adopted the NYT policy of stealing other people’s scoops and not crediting them.

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If you'd told me even Roy's Trump was capable of confusing Dickens with early Rome, I wouldn't have believed it, lol.

Rubio is the ultimate dummy yes-man. He's not bright enough to think for himself, and too cowardly/ambitious to ever say no to power.

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"TRUMP: That’s your whole racket. I say I want something, you go hide someplace till it blows over."

In a spectacular reversal of the norm, no lies told.

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Absolutely. Over the last 8 years every GOP politician has become an expert in the niche skill of Managing The Crazy Person.

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Without ever, apparently, considering Getting Rid of The Crazy Person Before It's Too Late.

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The CP is in charge. The dynamic is challenging.

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Kiddie porn is in charge? Damn, I missed that memo.

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No, but apparently if you post it to Twitter ("To draw attention to the problem") Elmo'll reinstate your account when they ban you.

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They think it makes them smart. But not enthroning him in the first place? THAT woulda been smart.

A guy puts an alligator in the swimming pool. Looks cool, huh? Damn right! Oh no, how are we supposed to swim? Easy, distract it with a little dog. The alligator eats the dog, falls asleep on the concrete. It's swimmin' time, kids! Brilliant.

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But why bring Kristi Noem into this?

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Dog-eating alligator is Florida Noem.

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Noem, Noem on the range

Where dogs and some migrants should die

Where seldom is heard a discouraging word

And if asked, she'll just blatantly lie

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I'm not sure "Whatever the fuck he wants, whenever he wants it" can be called "managing."

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You spelt “man aging” incorrectly.

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I wonder if his staff tries to avoid any kind of serious, consequential decision-making around sundown?

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Confirmed by the Senate, 99-0!

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They just wanted him out of the Senate.

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I wonder why? Did Trump think lil' Marco would be an obstacle?

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They wanted to see just how low Marco could go. Let's all do the Limbo Rock!

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You can't blame them.

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We could remove ONE Republican from the Senate and we didn't go with Ted Cruz?

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Now I wanna find out about this Key to Rebecca, never heard of it tho the author's name rings a bell 🔔... But you gotta decide whether Dibbs/Dibs has 2 B's in his name

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They call him MR DIBBS!!

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Dammit. Beat me to it.

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7hEdited

A cheap knockoff of Dr. Depper.

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I appreciate the note; not sure how typos get through the sophisticated REBID editorial process. Maybe I should hire a few more proofreaders.

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While we're on the subject, Kathy Perry? Am I missing something, or do you mean Katy Perry?

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I know, right? Katy Perry? I got other things to worry about.

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I like Pinsy as a massive Katy Perry fan. Roar!

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I like him better as a big Kathy Perry fan. She was in Season 2 of The Witches of Waverly Place.

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They're probably working from home. Watching porn, eating hot pockets and playing Call of Duty and all the while " editing" your prose.

You need to Doge them bitches.

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Roy needs to tell us five things he accomplished last week. We're waiting.

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The Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday editions.

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We'll consider that your resignation.

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Then Elon said the good ones would be considered for promotion. Clear as mud. Well, Roy's was good.

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If that's their lifestyle they're probably already moonlighting for DOGE. Digging a little deeper will probably turn up their Nazi affinity, too.

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Go for 80 proof, we need to black out.

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This looks like a job for....EVERCLEAR

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Some Ken Follet is astonishingly good. ( Night Over Water and especially Pillars of the Earth, about building a cathedral.) Others are not so astonishingly good.

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I've got to read that cathedral book. I love cathedrals and hate God.

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This book is right up your alley! The construction details are fascinating.

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Therapist in Progressive ads: "And who else reads books about cathedrals?"

Embarrassed young homeowner: "Um... my dad?"

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I've been thinking about insurance ads, for some reason, ever since I read the part about, Liberty! Liberty, Liberia!

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Bezos announces a new mascot: The WaPo Emo.

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Liberty biberty

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Pinsy & Dibbs, Dibbs & Pinsy - quite a team!

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Cue Jack Palance...

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What a crazy pair! But they're cousins, identical cousins...

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You could lose your mind.

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Appreciate the call n' response. This is our liturgy.

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The use of th Frenchified suffix “-ous” instead of the first declension masc. noun nominative form “-us” is something that always catches my eye. The “-ous” is a truncation of the Latin “-osis” which, when appended to a word means “full of” whatever the word signifies. So, since Caligula, translates, as most people know, as “Little Boots”, “Caligulous” would be a French or English word meaning “full of Little Boots.” 🥾🥾

But most people, having no familiarity with Latin, are like Trump. However, most people wouldn’t insist they are right about something they know nothing about. So

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Apologies for my early morning Latin lesson and incomplete post. Roy’s post is another fictionalized scenario that is true.

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How Caligulous IS He?

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Surely not as caligulous as the whitey-booted guvna of Florida…

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Your "daddy" so caligulous, he [fill in the blank]

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GENE RAYBURN: He’s so Caligulous, instead of appointing a horse to the senate, he appointed a BLANK.

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Charles Nelson Reilly wrote "bippy"

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Brett wrote BOOBS

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ELAINE JOYCE: I didn’t understand the question. I wrote “Mr Periwinkle.”

PATTI DEUTSCH: I was thinking the opposite of horse, so I wrote “Cow.”

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Pretty soon this thread will be so esoteric it’ll read like a lost episode of Green Acres!

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Not Little Gloves?

Oy gevalt, Latin. "Proper grammar requires you never end a sentence with a preposition". Yeah, because in Latin, you fucking can't. Pretentious assholes.

(Sorry, pet peeve. Makes my Germanic blood boil. How'd that Teutoburg Forest work out? )

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"Quintillus Varus, give me back my Legos!"

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Donald Trump, full of ridic.

It's like a mash-up of Latin and 40's bobby-soxer slang.

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You're killing me, Smalls.

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‘Names have not been changed to protect the guilty’

AI will never be that ‘woke’…

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Caligula: [after committing an especially gruesome murder] Aren't people awful?

I need to watch this again!

Fine work! I'm kind of fixated on the Katy Perry T-shirt thing, though.

I wonder, is it a coded secret message?

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Remember when she did the bad party clown thing? That would be on point.

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Nah. Plenty of American men dress like boys. Pinsy blends right in. Too-big shirt, cargo shorts — I've done it myself. The logic goes: Katy Perry is hot, and it's casual Friday at Mar-a-Lago.

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I thought at first that RFK Jr, Hegseth, Patel et al were cases of Caligula appointing his horses to high office, but then I realized it's actually Caligula's horse appointing buckets of his own horseshit to high office,

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Caligula's horse would be better.

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No, not horses. Horses' asses.

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Ribbing on Rubio never gets old. There are sea slugs with more spine than that little creep.

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And farrrrrrr more rizz.

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Sea slugs are the coolest slugs.

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Nudibranch represent!

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The New Victorianism is going to put clothes on that nudibranch.

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Thanks a lot, Roy! That glimpse of the tRump cranium just made me take two consecutive showers.

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Bracing!

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Well, if they were consecutive, weren't they just ONE long shower?

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2hEdited

Isaac Asimov, in college, arguing with some doofus who says mathematics is all nonsense because "mathematicians believe in imaginary numbers." Standing in front of a chalkboard, he says "OK, I'll show you how you're wrong, but first could you give me half a piece of chalk?" The doofus, puzzled, breaks a piece of chalk in half and hands it to Asimov. "Excuse me, but this is clearly a WHOLE piece of chalk, how can you expect me to discuss advanced mathematics with someone who is not even clear on the concept of ONE HALF?"

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You kinda lost me right off the bat on this one, Roy. God knows I tried to willingly suspend my disbelief, but the thought of Trump talking about books (other than his) with anybody or caring what someone else is reading was just a bridge too far for me. Sorry.

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Artistic license? But yeah. And I'd be shocked if he read "his" own books. Got Pinsy or Dibbs to summarize, and even then couldn't sit through a 3-minute synopsis.

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Bullet points of bullet points. Finally there's one bullet: TRUMP

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You don't think he read them, do you?

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Of course not. But I have no doubt he’d try to sell you one. This is the guy who cashed a check for thirteen cents. I’m the kid from the trailer park who grew up dirt poor, and I wouldn’t cash it. I’d keep it as a conversation piece: “Can you believe they sent me a thirteen cent check?”

But not Tubby. To him, thirteen cents is thirteen cents.

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Exactly why I wouldn't have expected him to end minting pennies.

(Installing a horse in the Senate, I have expected.)

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The pennies thing was attention-getting, and saved pennies. They can say he left no pebble unturned. All that's lacking are hurtful consequences, unless I'm missing something. Hmm. Maybe all prices will get rounded up to the nickel after tax. What about electronic payments? Those too, because cash still exists, and it wouldn't be fair to charge one customer more.

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Yes, it will bump prices up a little (but nowhere near like tariffs will!)

I figure this was destined to be the one popular thing he did, getting rid of the pesky coins. But I refuse to forget the time he cashed Spy's check for 13 cents.

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It's an old man's complaint, who pays cash any more?

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But don't old men have jars of pennies? That they need to cash in, fast?

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Sometimes I do, and I’d like the option.

I’ve heard some bad things about an all-electronic system.

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Well, if we can survive gas stations using the absurd 9/10 cent addition to their price, we should survive without the penny.

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Perhaps Roy would enjoy concocting some Tubby Throwback scenarios. I'd like to be a fly-on-the-wall at the meeting when the publisher of Art of the Deal sat down with the ghostwriter and Tubby to go over the first draft, so they could move the project along. No doubt Tub has a lot to say, but did he read the draft? Hell naw! Will he? Again, no.

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He's a busy man with Hitler speeches to read.

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He does seem to have skimmed the Cliffs notes version of Mien Kampf.

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Mein Kampf, your'n Kampf, everybody's got Kampf.

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"God help us, every one."

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This scenario does make sense (shudder). He's had whisperers saying, "American Caesar." As Tubby insists he thought of it himself, his ad libbing lands on The Best Emperor.

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"Dinge" is some really choice dead slang. When Phillip Marlowe first encounters Moose Malloy, it's at a "dinge joint" on Central Avenue. No small part of the credibility of this playlet is that Trump likely is one of the last people alive who use that slur. I also have little doubt that he will declare himself a God, soon, just like this Caligulous of which he speaks.

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The movie version is so much better, isn't it? Marlowe alone in a dark office, illuminated by a blinking neon sign outside, Mike Mazurki appears as a reflection in the window. Now dat's ART.

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The book is great, but I was thoroughly enjoying Murder My Sweet (1944) the other night. Goes to show that The Big Sleep didn’t come from nowhere

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It's like a Big Sleep you can actually follow.

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Boss, there's a couple of minor problems...

a) Like Drumph would make a linguistic observation

b) That the dumb son of a bitch can ready anything except his own name

Other than, totally plausible...

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The problem for any real literary artiste is that Trump is just so damn dull. We all know his schtick backwards and forwards by now, there are no hidden depths to be plumbed, no visible depths either. What do you do with such a character?

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As a dear War College Colonel friend said, "one bullet".

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Rubio once made a joke about Trump having a small dick. Did he think Trump had forgotten that? He thought Trump's purpose in appointing him SoS was something other than to humiliate him ten times a day?

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When Trump failed to even staff his own Department of State for months and months during his first regime.

It was obvious he didn't consider it necessary. Now he obviously does.

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3hEdited

What's he need the State Department for? All his diplomacy is DIY! Once US foreign policy becomes just "surrender to Putin at every opportunity", who needs a buncha fancy-pants diplomats?

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I refuse to believe that St. Marco knows what a dick is.

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He says "pee-pee" in a giggly way that shows he knows he's being naughty.

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