91 Comments

I've got to tell you, Roy, if you read Jerry Oppenheimer's book, "The Other Mrs Kennedy," an unauthorized biography of Ethel, you begin to see how Bobby Junior got this fucked up. Those kids were practically toilet trained at gunpoint. 😂

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Oooh gotta find that. Ethel always struck me as batshit.

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There's a really, really good reason for that.

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Thanks for the tip!

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I’m adding that to my Mt. DENALI of books to be read.

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"Toilet Trained at Gunpoint" is a great title for...something. Maybe everything. A jazz album, a memoir, a delicate watercolor landscape.

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Or on a double bill with Condoms For Gaza

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Looks like most of them came out well enough that they can get together and say, clearly and in public that brother Bobby Jr. is fucking loonie-tunes

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Did I miss something or have we switched from humorous skits to, I dunno, fantasy rants? (Cynicism and snark aside, I understand and respect Roy's background with the NIH and recognize that this all's a special issue.)

Anyway, a corrective update to my comments yesterday wherein I dissed CBS' poll showing that Fake Tubby's speech went over fairly well. Between the growing bodily resistance to caffeine and/or the insufficient intake of same, I wasn't sharp enough to pick up the likelihood that speech's audience skewed to the kind of shitheads incapable of perceiving how full of shit Trump is when his mouth's open. My bad. Still certain the poll was also a POS as an exercise in polling; no interest in checking since the odds are on my side anyway and life is short.

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Cmon nobody sat and listened to that extended ramble all the way through. Just like the rallies, they all decided it was great to own the libs, long before it started. Then they self-medicated and played with their phones.

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The poll results were actually quite bad for Tubby. See https://digbysblog.net/2025/03/05/bottom-of-the-barrel/

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humorous skits, fantasy rants, what's the diff

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Pfft. Rule 1 of Comedy Club is never plain the joke.

As I just proved, my dotard brain’s on like a 12 hour delay.

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So....the use of Dr. Backenbutt's Burr-Up-The-Ass Remover has been less than successful? :-)

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Everyone's mileage may vary, but I think the hippie bracelets are the perfect touch, Roy.

I've read Secretary Beef Jerky is now encouraging people in Texas to get the MMR vaccine. Looks like the snake oil pitch didn't hold up very long when presented with the body count of children.

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I like the linen joggers with a tunic.

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The whole thing is the perfect I-was-a-hippie-in-high-school "OK, Boomer" ensemble.

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Should we guess his tats? Or has he shown them?

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“Born to raze health”

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Nice.

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Perfection.

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I will steal that

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The “hat like Gandalf’s” got me!

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He's only offering MMR as one "option" among many. If you just take a buttload of cod liver oil instead, that's totally cool. https://www.nytimes.com/2025/03/04/health/texas-measles-outbreak-kennedy.html

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Yeah, I'm just so excited to learn that measles has made its way to New York already. That and the threats of Ontario to turn off the electricity! Whee! Interesting times!

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And Florida, I heard on the radio yesterday. All we need is a west coast case and we're golden. Should just be a matter of time. Who had measles on their bingo card?

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1hEdited

I have to admit, I didn't expect "All the planes fall from sky" this soon, I had that one after "Plague of Frogs."

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Are you kidding? Get with the times, man. Think Y2K! All we'd get from a plague of frogs is McFrog on the McDonalds menu. Modern plagues are Exploding Teslas, Starlink Showers, Vanishing Eggs, Measles, and instead of 1st born childern dying, its their college fund and your retirement turned into BitCoin right befor the Night of the Rug Pull. Mark your threshold with a red cap!

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"Frogs? In THIS economy?"

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When does RFK Jr. roll into town with a wagon selling Dr. Oz's Miracle Elixir? Now with more morphine!

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Some people can watch this shit and not scream in horror, if they could bottle that I might take a hit or two. Dr. Oblivious' Don't Give a Shit Elixir.

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Yeah, we're not talking about Somoan children waayy out in the ocean.

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He didn't care about children in Samoa; that's why Totenkopf von Miller picked him. But when some congressman's child or grandchild dies. . .

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Menschen rate, everybody else can skate.

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1hEdited

One thing to be a YouTube influencer who's not responsible for anything, quite another to be Secretary of Health and Human Services and a child dies in a totally preventable measles epidemic and everyone turns their eyes to you and says, "WELL?"

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Frankly, I'm pleasantly surprised that Bobby Brainworm hasn't started pushing homeopathy.

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Surely Big Pharma is leaning on Tubby. Did I miss this?

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My favorite wisecrack about homeopathy:

May you get cancer the same day they discover the cure for it, but because you're into homeopathy, 1 gram of the cure is dissolved in Lake Michigan and you have to drink it dry.

Related: I knew a woman who was REALLY into homeopathy, along with a bunch of other serious quackery. She kept pushing phials of homeopathic remedies at me and Mrs. Derelict. Those phials contained things like "rose hip diluted 10,000:1", which is basically just water.

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Sigh. Mrs. LP is into that shit. "No honey, water doesn't have a memory. Be glad - otherwise you'd taste the dinosaur wee-wee in every drop"

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Yes, and a billion other things. Hence the expression, "Troubled waters."

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Another homeopathy joke I made on Usenet:

To cure homosexuality, you show the patient hours of CNN with a frame of Joan Crawford randomly spliced in every hour. It's called "homoapathy".

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Aw damn man, "Bobby Brainworm". So good. Bravo! Magnifique!

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Well, their lemming-like insistence at ignoring modern medicine works in our favor. That's an ugly thought. I doubt I would have felt that way a few short years ago.

I visited an old cemetery a month or so ago. I was trying to take a picture of a barn on the other side of a field. I took my pictures and then looked around at the tombstones. I guess I always thought that the smaller tombstones were the Dollar General stones for poor people. Rich guy goes to the monument place and has something special made. Poor guy buys it off the rack. Turns out they were for the kids.

https://substack.com/@brawlatthepoetscafe/note/c-90867165?utm_source=notes-share-action&r=insr

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Whitney Houston is buried a few hundred feet from my parents. I was surprised at how modest and inexpensive her headstone is — I was expecting a tomb.

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My favorite Together in Death situation is Millard Fillmore and Rick James, neighbors in Buffalo's Forest Lawn cemetery. https://www.findagrave.com/memorial/9276693/rick-james#view-photo=217108409

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If only dirt could talk

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I misread that as "Mallard FIllmore" and thought "FINALLY!"

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Rick James would rise from the dead and boot his ass out.

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[Chappelle Show "Charlie Murphy" voice] Millard Fillmore!

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Lemming libel! You know that Nazi son of a bitch pushed those poor bastards into the water with a bulldozer right? And made my beloved Rex Allen narrate.

Lemmings swim to other places when the population gets too high. Idiots saw them in the water and concluded, Gawww-lee, they must be committing mass suicide. That's RFK Jr level thinking right there.

ETA: "Well, Walt, there's good news and bad news. The good news, obviously, is that you have been successfully resuscitated to perfect health" "So, what's the bad news?" "You are scheduled to be executed as a war criminal..."

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Needs moar bear and whale.

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Given the tales of other Trump cabinet members that have come out since, chucking a bear carcass and a busted up bicycle in Central Park on the way to Peter Luger's seems sort of quaint.

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Not one woman was sexually assaulted on the way to the restaurant. Seems like we should give him points for that.

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THAT WE KNOW OF

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This is almost too close to the truth to be funny, alas.

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I, for one, welcome the upcoming Republican Genocide.

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Jeez, if those two in the photo up top get any browner ICE will pay a visit. Trump slathers on his MachoMania™ face makeup, but RFK Jr., -- to steal a line from Dick Gregory -- that boy's gonna tan hisself right out of a job!

Speaking of VHL, hope you're doing OK with that, Roy.

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So far so good

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Wait -- what?

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I didn't know! Sorry to hear.

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Fascinating, isn't it, that the people who condemn the darker hued are also the ones willing to spend $ to darken their own skin.

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The funny thing to me is that Shithook will be taken down by the price of freaking eggs. I mean, don't get me wrong, as a busy baker I go through a lot of eggs (I was talking about making some bread pudding from a not-so-successful yeast roll experiment in our new Emeril Magic Eas-E-Bake oven/air fryer/rotisserator/tire changer, and Mrs. LP said 'can we afford the eggs?' Good grief), but so far, meh. I'd rather gas be $10/gallon - the quicker the rubes get pissed the quicker we will be rid of Herr Drumph - but hey, if it is eggs, it's eggs. Ya gotta break a lot of eggs to get rid of El Nutjob Supremo.

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We stopped buying them a few years back.

For awhile my wife was buying duck eggs. Expensive. I couldn't get used to them. They taste different, which reminded me they were from a duck. I got creeped out, which is weird, because a bird is a bird.

The other problem was the size. Recipes assume you're using chicken eggs. There were a few mishaps.

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I expect T. Rex eggs would be a bit different, too. A bird is a dinosaur. They come in many, many varieties. Eggs are not fungible And duck eggs?! Have you seen the nightmare that is duck procreation? No, no sir. Roosters do their business in less than 30 seconds, with no harm, or even much notice, by the hen in question. Ducks....not so much.

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I seem to recall that they have corkscrew penises. Let's not talk about those.

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Oh lets! Males go clockwise, females go counter clockwise, with many fake-out offshoots. Evolution is a helluva drug.

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I wonder how humanity would be different if our females had adopted a firm "You must be THIS long to impregnate me" policy.

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Why would you use duck eggs in baking ? I'm asking seriously -- I'm so accustomed to chicken eggs in cakes and cookies, I expect if they were made with duck eggs instead they'd taste gamey.

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Sensitivity (short of allergy) to chicken eggs. In consultation with her dietician, she did an elimination diet to determine her sensitivities. They cause inflammation or a histamine response or something.

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You know the difference between supermarket eggs and fresh? That's the difference between chicken and duck. They're not gamey, just "egger". Supposedly ostrich eggs are even moreso, never had one.

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Reminder that just two days ago Trumpov's Agriculture Secretary said that people should raise chickens at home to lower the price of eggs: https://www.yahoo.com/news/trumps-sec-agriculture-said-americans-010747739.html. The logistics will, of course, be left to others.

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No, no sir. I've spent way way way too much time helping raise chickens as a young porcine to have anymore to do with shit machines with legs. Nope.

For a final for ROTC (the alternative was Social Dance, don't judge), we went to Fort Chaffee, were dropped in the ass end of nowhere, and got an old coffee can, some water and a live chicken for which to make dinner. "Ewwww,ewww,ewww, I can't kill a chicken" Hand it over, city slickers. I quickly dispatched said bird. It was delicious. Somebody snuck in some spices....that somebody, of course, being me.

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You and the young Jacques Pepin, who knew how to slaughter and prepare chickens as a garcon.

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Betcha there are many loyal MAGAts living in HOA neighborhoods that do not allow chickens.

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I think a lot municipalities actually have laws against them.

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Not here in the Small Rock, at least as far as is enforced. I could hear the blessed event happen every day about 10 AM. Not doing them this year, they may have been busted.

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Now he's gonna import eggs!

Really great look for the guy who wants us to stop relying on other countries.

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Wouldn't be surprised if he claimed to be laying them.

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Golden ones, strictly for insiders.

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That's the Strategic Bitcoin Reserve.

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20mEdited

To quote an old Bob Newhart routine: "You ate WHAT? From WHERE?"

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And you wouldn't want to bother with one critter laying one egg a day.

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Add regular birds on the move, and get artisanly produced backyard bird flu.

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I believe this is what's known as a feedback loop.

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Folks forget how JFK got the Presidency. It was supposed to be Joe Kennedy, Jr. - the old man was building a resume to get him in. Joe Jr. was a brave sumbitch. He was in England in WWII, not the Pacific like Jack. There was an idea for an early guided "missile'. A pilot would take off, set the totally-filled-with-dynamite plane on auto-pilot to the target, and bail out into the English Channel. Joe Jr. volunteered. The plane went up, had just gotten over the channel when, well, they don't know how it happened, but Joe Jr. was atomized. No really, nothing left. Killed the old man's soul, so he pinned his hopes on John, knowing John was less than ideal. But then dumbass John got run over by a Japanese destroyer, the old man made damn sure PT 109 went down in history, and so it went. That damn coconut is still in the Smithsonian.

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This is amusing and terrifying, and only a slight exaggeration of the dystopian funhouse mirror world we’re living in.

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Oh, look, it's noted medical science expert RFKJR. Hey, I heard the other day that this guy, with his EXTENSIVE knowledge of medicine, is sending budesonide and cod liver oil supplements to Texas to deal with the measles outbreak.

Huh. Well.

Sound kinda like a bad idea to me, because budesonide is a glucosteroid and one of the FUCKING CLASSIC SIDE EFFECTS of steroids is lower immunity to infections. And I understand from my smol bean allopathic medical "learning" that, um, measles is a really really infectious disease and mmmaybe one of the things you don't want to do in an outbreak is, um, lower people's resistance to infection.

pardon me while I yell.

WHAT THE FUCK, I MEAN WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCKING FUCK I HAVE JACK-SHIT FORMAL MEDICAL EDUCATION I AM A GODDAMN PHARMACY TECHNICIAN AND I AM BY LAW FORBIDDEN TO EVEN FUCKING MENTION DRUG EFFECTS OR INTERACTIONS TO THE PATIENTS HOW THE FUCKING HELL DO I KNOW MORE ABOUT PHARMACOLOGY THAN THE GODDAMN HEAD OF THE FUCKING HHS

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I noticed digby has been on a roll of talking about how Republicans live in a bubble as a way to explain their aggressive denial of reality. As a first approximation it works pretty well, that (supposed) quote from Karl Rove (supposedly) about how the Republicans create reality, and while "you" are studying that they create another one, always a few steps ahead. You know, that quote. If its not real it might as well be, considering (waves hands around).

But like skinning a cat, there's more than one way to live in a bubble. You can just shamelessly lie, knowing there are no consequences and a lot of benefits, and whoever takes the fall you're convinced it won't be you.

Or you can be Bobby Brainworm, a damaged person who finds comfort, meaning, and a lot of money in a community with its own experts, studies, and anecdotes proving that its all a conspiracy and there are simple answers THEY don't want you to know. Same bubble, different view.

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26mEdited

Please allow me to introduce you to Bubble Boy Derrick Van Orden. When last we saw him, Derrick had his staff cancel a town hall meeting when too many of his pesky constituents had the effrontery to show up. Derrick relocated to a local brewery, invitation-only. Derrick's response to the press was "Soros-funded agitators crash party", like he was a 5 year old at Chuck E Cheese.

Next installment: Guy who worked at the VA - and was a veteran himself - gets fired by DOGE, a week later he calls his Congressman, Derrick Van Orden to leave a "Dude, WTF?" voicemail (because NOBODY speaks directly to the Congressman's staff, everything goes through voicemail.) This time Derrick's response was to threaten to call DOGE on the guy for making a call at 1:30pm on a Monday when he should be at work, somehow not noticing that guy who called to complain about being fired ISN'T WORKING ANY MORE. When this lil' boo-boo is exposed, Derrick's response is that the guy "put politics above service" and must be "held accountable."

Stay tuned for further episodes (unfortunately)

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Big laffs at her imitating his ARGLE BARGLE, but then I always was a sucker for sound effects.

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"If they're mortal, they must have mortal weaknesses", Dr. Clayton Forrester said of the Martians. Bacteria did the job there, and now thanks to Roy we know Carl Jr's fatal weakness.

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