Yep, just gotta get God back in the classroom. That's the answer! Because God will certainly stop the lunatic with the AR-15--just like God stopped that guy who shot up the church in Texas. Well, God WOULD have stopped him, but God was busy or something.
But, yeah--let's bring in unlicensed and unscreened "youth pastors" to help counsel troubled kids. It's a great idea! At least until you Google "youth pastor" and find out that so very many of them turn out to be sexual predators.
Ouch. I’ve heard a few people make the excellent point that the religious right is NOT so much anti-sex per se, it’s anti-sex that isn’t patriarchal and heterosexual. I think that’s correct. Also, they seem to be unable to resist the temptation to put the pedophile fox back into the henhouse.
Evidence strongly suggests they’re for patriarchal homosexual sex, too. And patriarchal pederasty. Probably patriarchal sex with farm animals, if the occasion arises.
Or half the staff resigns, the head of the program accuses them all of being liars, they sue for defamation and win, the taxpayers are then on the hook for a multi-million-dollar settlement. Because that's how they do things in Texas.
It's Texas, if they were cops, they'd be out in the hallway, literally washing their hands of any situation, using the hand sanitizer dispenser on the wall.
I wasn’t sure where this was going (I’m not that quick) but today’s REBID killed two birds with one satirical stone, the unlicensed pedos, er, pastors put in charge of counseling vulnerable students, and the possible the state’s desire to eradicate transgender people. Both skeevy and fascist! Actually, the two go hand in hand.
Still trying to choke back my rage after doing clinic defense at Planned Parenthood Saturday morning. Had two Black women - mom and daughter - who drove up from Texas. Twelve hours, all the way to Kansas.
For a pregnancy test.
It's apparently no longer safe to risk such tests in Texas unless you plan on carrying to term. Otherwise it's not something you want on your record in Texas right now, particularly if you're a Black woman.
The premise of this law, that having my ill-educated religious fanatics in the schools will prevent shootings, is, how should I put this? Phenomenally, mind-numbingly and to-be-expected stupid, ineffective and Grade A thumbsucking.
It's a comeback, and comebacks are all they do these days. You say "school shootings", their comeback is "Put God back in schools." There, you said something they said something, we're even, right?
Don't leave your alt prick in the drawer of the nightstand unwashed, or it'll start to smell. Unless that kinda thing turns you on, in which case who am I to judge?
Oof, just oof -- I watched a Tiktok with "highlights" from the House discussion on this one: apparently, the law doesn't stipulate any qualifications or even define what a "chaplain" is.
Here's a thought: male clergy that wore literal dresses, a lot of make-up, and elaborate 'dos.
They could counsel children by reading stories to them for about an hour; to avoid the sorts of things described here, they could do so in a very public place, a library would be convenient.
Thanks to Roy for this bonus content on a federal holiday. Roy delivers when the post office doesn't! And thanks for broadening my musical horizons with Minsky Pickup. There's a Walker Percy essay about how we don't really know a thing until we know it's name (I think he was talking about our obsessive naming of birds, do we really know any more about a bird because we can say it's a yellow-rumped warbler? Percy thought we did, something to do with how our brains work.) Anyway, in my own brain I'll be filing Minsky Pickup right next to Wilhelm Scream.
Somebody else I am too slothful to look up suggested that naming a thing makes it more difficult to recognize. I'm siding tentatively with Confucius til I receive further instruction.
Hmm, the "Minsky pickup" I know is an -intro- to a song (see Ed Norton's "Swanee River" warm-up to every Ralph Kramden song). Here's a ukelele player on the internet doing the long version (it's often shortened to just the last phrase):
Thanks for the link. I knew the 6-note bit, but could not remember the other notes. Your link reminded me of Peewee Hunt's 12th Street Rag, and sure enough:
To a true believer, God is already in classrooms. What's missing is religious indoctrination, whereby -your- kids are forced to believe in -their- God, and if you don't like it, tough.
I'm a fan of dialect done well, and stuff like this:
"Ye ever think ‘about what’d be lahk to hev bress?"
Yep, just gotta get God back in the classroom. That's the answer! Because God will certainly stop the lunatic with the AR-15--just like God stopped that guy who shot up the church in Texas. Well, God WOULD have stopped him, but God was busy or something.
But, yeah--let's bring in unlicensed and unscreened "youth pastors" to help counsel troubled kids. It's a great idea! At least until you Google "youth pastor" and find out that so very many of them turn out to be sexual predators.
Yes, as we see in the post, these religionist actors can’t do anything without being armed. I mean, what’s even the point?
God worked in obvious ways – sent the gunner to kill THEM, not US.
Well, now, this one’s right up my religion confusion alley.
Actually, I was sort of thinking maybe Roy’s entitled to the day off, but this one’s worth it.
Hardest working man in Substack!
Ouch. I’ve heard a few people make the excellent point that the religious right is NOT so much anti-sex per se, it’s anti-sex that isn’t patriarchal and heterosexual. I think that’s correct. Also, they seem to be unable to resist the temptation to put the pedophile fox back into the henhouse.
Evidence strongly suggests they’re for patriarchal homosexual sex, too. And patriarchal pederasty. Probably patriarchal sex with farm animals, if the occasion arises.
True. Patriarchy is always the secret sauce.
Patriarchal x = "It's okay if a [cishet white] man in authority does it."
[with apologies to all my sisters & siblings who know this all too well...]
Yep, it's all about the hierarchy, each white man placed in his position of superiority by God. Now show those farm animals who's boss!
2 legs...OK, but 4 legs – WOOHOO!
Just as Orwell wrote it!
(Yet another Texas program destined to have its head burn incriminating documents in a dumpster behind his office.)
Texas – Big Hair and Dumpster Fires! You KNOW You Love It!
Or half the staff resigns, the head of the program accuses them all of being liars, they sue for defamation and win, the taxpayers are then on the hook for a multi-million-dollar settlement. Because that's how they do things in Texas.
The wheels of law grind slow, but exceeding fines.
What do they think they are, police?
It's Texas, if they were cops, they'd be out in the hallway, literally washing their hands of any situation, using the hand sanitizer dispenser on the wall.
I wasn’t sure where this was going (I’m not that quick) but today’s REBID killed two birds with one satirical stone, the unlicensed pedos, er, pastors put in charge of counseling vulnerable students, and the possible the state’s desire to eradicate transgender people. Both skeevy and fascist! Actually, the two go hand in hand.
Thanks, Roy. I needed a good laugh this morning.
Still trying to choke back my rage after doing clinic defense at Planned Parenthood Saturday morning. Had two Black women - mom and daughter - who drove up from Texas. Twelve hours, all the way to Kansas.
For a pregnancy test.
It's apparently no longer safe to risk such tests in Texas unless you plan on carrying to term. Otherwise it's not something you want on your record in Texas right now, particularly if you're a Black woman.
Twelve hours. For a pregnancy test.
This fucking country . . .
Ugh.
The premise of this law, that having my ill-educated religious fanatics in the schools will prevent shootings, is, how should I put this? Phenomenally, mind-numbingly and to-be-expected stupid, ineffective and Grade A thumbsucking.
It's a comeback, and comebacks are all they do these days. You say "school shootings", their comeback is "Put God back in schools." There, you said something they said something, we're even, right?
To be fair, I'm something of a connoisseur of thumbs and would never suck anything less than Grade A.
Anybody else get an overwhelming urge to deconstruct all those anagram names up there just to discern Roy's hidden messages?
I'm not that subtle.
Wash Alt Prick
A Mugger Splits
Donny Pranced
There's more, but the prosecution rests.
Don't leave your alt prick in the drawer of the nightstand unwashed, or it'll start to smell. Unless that kinda thing turns you on, in which case who am I to judge?
Oof, just oof -- I watched a Tiktok with "highlights" from the House discussion on this one: apparently, the law doesn't stipulate any qualifications or even define what a "chaplain" is.
I fear for the children of Texas...
Maybe it's like pornography? Sorta a "Know one when you see one" situation?
If they don't require any documentation, what does the definition matter?
It's that extra touch of "DGAF" that really makes it special, huh?
exactly
Everything's Big (ot) In Texas
Those Qanon people are all over groomers and pedophiles. Like white on rice ( or their membership)They will have this straightened in no time!
I've never understood why a woman would need a special bra just for doing push-ups.
Running, sure…what, do the cups form some sort of protective plastron?
Oh hush, you don't know anything about anything. (Heh. I'm wearing my minimizer bra right now.)
Why do you need a special bra for determining when a function's first derivative were zero and its second derivative strictly positive?
If only there were a bra I could use to help me wonder about such things.
Maybe there's an ad for one on the radio. Oh, sorry, are you English? I meant wireless.
Damn. 2 marks doesn't quite cover this.
Well, as you noted above, you could do worse than to tie a couple turtles together...
2 marks!
Here's a thought: male clergy that wore literal dresses, a lot of make-up, and elaborate 'dos.
They could counsel children by reading stories to them for about an hour; to avoid the sorts of things described here, they could do so in a very public place, a library would be convenient.
Thanks to Roy for this bonus content on a federal holiday. Roy delivers when the post office doesn't! And thanks for broadening my musical horizons with Minsky Pickup. There's a Walker Percy essay about how we don't really know a thing until we know it's name (I think he was talking about our obsessive naming of birds, do we really know any more about a bird because we can say it's a yellow-rumped warbler? Percy thought we did, something to do with how our brains work.) Anyway, in my own brain I'll be filing Minsky Pickup right next to Wilhelm Scream.
Rectification of Names.
Somebody else I am too slothful to look up suggested that naming a thing makes it more difficult to recognize. I'm siding tentatively with Confucius til I receive further instruction.
Forget how many laffs I had. I just learned what a "Minsky pickup" is! Thanks, Roy!
See, the internet's good for something.
Hmm, the "Minsky pickup" I know is an -intro- to a song (see Ed Norton's "Swanee River" warm-up to every Ralph Kramden song). Here's a ukelele player on the internet doing the long version (it's often shortened to just the last phrase):
https://twitter.com/UkeHunt/status/1221867003469881350
It's interesting that the bit Roy links to is called the same thing when it's more of an outro. This would make for a great drunken bar discussion.
Thanks for the link. I knew the 6-note bit, but could not remember the other notes. Your link reminded me of Peewee Hunt's 12th Street Rag, and sure enough:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_IdN9lHTUaQ
"returning God to classrooms"
To a true believer, God is already in classrooms. What's missing is religious indoctrination, whereby -your- kids are forced to believe in -their- God, and if you don't like it, tough.
I'm a fan of dialect done well, and stuff like this:
"Ye ever think ‘about what’d be lahk to hev bress?"
...just slays me.
(Not to mention the terrific pun in the title.)
Also, what if god says," Nah, thanks, but I'll pass..."