98 Comments

It is impossible not to speculate: who the fuck was catturd1? Why'd he settle for the number 2 slot for himself?

Also, blaming DEI for bank crashes (or for unreadiness in the armed forces, or for poor educational outcomes in schools) is just about the most naked bigotry imaginable. Of course the bank crashed, we all know wimmins and Blacks and queers don't know how to manage money.

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"Of course the bank crashed, we all know wimmins and Blacks and queers don't know how to manage money."

And there's the co-existing alternative fact: the wimmins and Blacks and queers continue their relentless, brilliant campaign to sabotage everything Great about America to secure their brave new world - everybody male, white, and "normal" forced into camps pending their extermination. Because of course.

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If your ONLY (and I really mean only) goal in life is to have a Snappy Comeback for every occasion, then conservatism is the thing for you. Every time it snows you've got "Hey, what ever happened to that Climate Change, huh?" You scan the movie box-office figures looking for "Go Woke, Go Broke" opportunities, life is just a cornucopia of wisecracks.

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The self-image that accompanies these bon mots is guy leaning confidently on the fender of a '57 Chevy, white t-shirt and leather jacket, arms crossed on his chest, cracking wise on Life's Passing Parade, the epitome of coolness (notice I said SELF-image).

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You know, if future me traveled back to 1968 to tell teenaged me "you see those Yippies over there? That's going to be the Republican Party in 55 years" , that's the only part I wouldn't have believed.

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While it isn't my only life goal, I do have a bunch of snappy comebacks for every occasion. I vary between, "Sayz You", "So does your Mother" and "That's what she said", depending on the direction of the conversation

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"Saaay no moah" also comes in handy sometimes.

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You must be fun at (Republican) parties...

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Sayz you!

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Still waiting for “Yer mudda wears combat boots” to come back in style…

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Pffft. I had a coworker say to me the other day "Momma didn't raise a dummy" to which I said, "She did, but it's my brother.".

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2 marks, but don't tell yer brother...

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Nowadays any organization of any size had a diversity policy, which they may or may not actually follow.

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Once upon a time the University of Wisconsin's diversity policy was to photoshop the face of a black student into a photo on the cover of its application booklet.

https://www.npr.org/2013/12/29/257765543/a-campus-more-colorful-than-reality-beware-that-college-brochure

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I just finished an NSF proposal a couple of weeks ago and had to write a paragraph on my organizations Inclusion policy

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Hearted because I always read NSF as Not Safe For...

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According to the Rolling Stone article, there was already someone tweeting as just "Cat Turd", while catturd1 is a suspended account, with no one sure who used it.

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Thanks for putting all this in one place Roy...and of course he lives in the Most Phallic State of Fascist Florida.

I used to have a book of B. Kliban cartoons: "Map Filth" was the US saying:

"Hey Africa! Bite my Florida."

I live in Florida's Florida, so to speak: Floridiots come here to the Southern Mountains for vacation, and to (gulp) retire: and stink up the already revanchist politics, and complain about how stupid and lazy the locals are.

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Florida: never once got it up.

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that's what she said

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Georgia always hadda mouth on her.

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The “Southern Mountains”?!

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Measured in "feet" rather than "foot"

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Ever heard of the Appalachians? Smoky Mountains? The Blue Ridge, of my native Reddestneckistan, GA/TN/NC? "Cold Mountain" and "Deliverance"(filmed one county over in GA)?

I have had a Californian tell me there were no mountains here:

Pooh.

The Appalachian Trail begins some 20 road/4 air miles from my boyfriend's place:.

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Missus Hairless is from beautiful downtown Waynesboro, VA (just kidding about the beautiful part) it’s a factory town). I have heard a FL town called Mount Wales and always wondered WTF *that* was like

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I used to vacation in Asheville (before the parents moved to Tallahassee (!!?!)).I also understand part of THE PERIPHERAL was filmed in Marshall.

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Cool! In my college days we used to stage Rabelaisian week-ends at a cabin in Rabun County GA; I think the Trail was within walkin’ distance.

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(Not totally without redemption--there's always Dollywood.)

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aka Twin Peaks...?

Truly remorseful, I.

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The "Southern" threw me off -- I heard Key West, while u meant "southern Appalachians." Trouble with directions -- they're always relative...

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Yeah, me too. I kept going south and south and south then I tripped on Key West and fell into the ocean, the end.

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I know, I know...looks like we moved on from Florider, whose only vertical bump is most likely Mount O-Limp-Us.

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Now if you told me there was a brand of Florida butter called “Land o’ Sinkholes” with art of a young Seminole woman up to her chin in bright blue water, and holding up a package of the product, I might believe you

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Attempting desperately not to heart this.

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When it comes to savagely mocking Florida, I bow to no one. There is no depth to which I will not willingly sink(hole)

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Oof.

And another Oof just on spec for the prospective future sinkage.

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Ah, Kliban. The man who advised us, "Never eat anything bigger than your head." But did we listen?

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Especially if it's cheese-based.

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Interesting, I've always wondered where "Burritos as big as your head" came from, pushing the envelope right up to its limits.

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Not certain, but likely the best ones come from the Mission.

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This is classic Ed Roso.

" greed fart a bank ass over tip"

Just like some kind of beat poetry- which I'm sure sounds to today's uninitiated a lot like Corso's werewolf bathtubs and forked clarinets did their white square parents so long ago. I get it though and

I'm glad to be in on the joke!

Seems like normal people would read " "Catturd2 " and nope right out of that shit (hee). I sure did. Instead this is what passes for entertainment in a big chunk of Middle America. I can picture Archie Bunker saying " Dat toid fellow, see, dat's a real American der, Edith."

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I was impressed with the ™ over Catturd, wow, he's trade-marked! I'll have to let the cats know. They're probably required to sign a release form every time they... you know.

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2 (claw)marks!

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Many 2-marker opportunities, but I'mo go with that old standby 'punters', which fits the scenario nicely, and is oh so evocative.

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I remember when Bill Clinton forced me to have a gay abortion. It was terrible!

And I remember when Obama confiscated all my guns, and forced me to have another gay abortion, and forced me to eat broccoli! Man, that was bad!

And now Biden is going to take all my money! And I'll probably have to have another gay abortion, which I won't be able to afford because Biden took all my money! Damn! I want to shoot someone, but Obama took all my guns! I'm all outta freedumbs!

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Carry On Slept.

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White men keeping other white men down. No call for that!

Now Obama, he had an excuse.

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You’re lucky. I died in a FEMA concentration camp!

</yorkshiremen sketch>

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Thanks to President Brandon, all your money's gonna be worthless, so send it to me right away and I'll... do something with it.

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At least you have your memories.

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The only reason the all-powerful Democrats didn't actually do any of that stuff is because honest Republicans SAID they would. So they couldn't sneak it treacherously by.

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And we would have gotten away with it too, if it wasn't for that darn Catturd!

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If you get missives from Catturd, does that make your inbox a litterbox? Anyway, I was having fun with "Silicon" and "bust" and "implants" and then Steve Mnuchin's name popped up on the crawl for some movie I wasn't paying attention to. Now there's a fellow who should be in prison, along with Jamie Diamond and so many others. If we jailed financial fraudsters at the rate we do drunk drivers, the golf courses at America's minimum security prisons would have month-long tee time waiting lists. Of course, given the "you get what you pay for" legal system we have, none of these miscreants not named Martha Stewart will ever do a day of time. Theil pulled his cash out of SVB just in time and the bank's CEO happened to dump his stock before the shit hit the fan, but they have nothing to worry about - grifting the depositor suckers is just as "smart" as manipulating the tax system to make sure someone else pays for America's military empire.

Meanwhile, the nominally Republican candidate for WI Supreme Court is on record as saying Social Security is a scam and should be done away with because it's only there to bail out people who didn't plan wisely for retirement. It's going to take some serious mental gymnastics for the Fox News segment of the state's seniors to vote for this guy, something along the lines of, "Yeah, if only I'd been allowed to put that FICA money into gold bars and guns, I'd be rich by now!" Many will figure out a way, no doubt.

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Had to Google that thing about Dan Kelly, it seemed too good to be true, but nope, it's true. Social Security is JUST LIKE SLAVERY, you see, because they both "force someone into an unwanted economic relationship."

And then there's this:

"Kelly included the same passage in his 2016 application for a Supreme Court vacancy."

Nothing like putting your best foot forward!

https://wisconsinwatch.org/2023/03/did-wisconsin-supreme-court-candidate-daniel-kelly-compare-social-security-and-affirmative-action-to-slavery/

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I like to think of a time before the SSA fascisti forced Granny to stay alive, when the 4bears of that mis-judge simply died off before spawning his future parents.

Apologies for that whole mess of a sentence. No excuse except Tuesday.

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Well, to be fair, Social Security keeps people alive long past their prime breeding years, when they are no longer of use to der Vaterland and become mere Useless Eaters, a problem in need of a solution, perhaps of the "final" variety.

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Sayz you

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2 marks overall, but 'specially for the tee times.

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You had me at “litterbox”

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Stop it! You just made me think of Gary Glitterbox!

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Catturd may be the most appropriate internet name ever.

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He rose to the top when they shook the box.

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It's a good thing he doesn't have a dog.

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Who's a proud boy??!!

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His tweets should be considered "pissives".

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I have to admit the world these guys live in is a helluva lot more exciting than the one I inhabit, where I pay taxes on the regular to a government that provides the public with services like education and health care.

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Yeah. These guys got no care to prop up the publics, tho they do cling grimly to their privates.

Damn. Self-oofed.

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We all like to tell ourselves a story. Some voters (you, me) are happy with "Well, it isn't always efficient, but it's mainly working out." Other people aren't happy unless it's "Five seconds left on the clock, your team is down by six! You're wide open -- YOU could win this, the most important game in world history! You slap a fresh clip into your AR-15 and hit the detonator. All around you the stadium, which is full of angry lesbians who hate democracy and success, starts to explode. You signal to the quarterback with a secret signal that only True Elite Figures know the meaning of. You lock eyes. He nods. He throws. You start shooting enemy linebackers - more like "libralbackers" - even before you catch the ball. You shoot the ref as he was about to fulfill his conspiracy with the linebackers by blowing his whistle. Children watch you with awe and love. Scholars and bloggers will speak of you forever. There will be STATUES. Paris is yours!"

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Thanks, but you can keep Ms Hilton.

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If there was a bank activity that was just one too much for the bank to handle, the final straw that kept the C-level's eyes off the prize, how do we know it was the diversity initiative? Couldn't it have been a risky new financial product they were offering, or the confusion over the sign-up sheet for the summer potluck?

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I suppose we should be grateful they haven't gone with their alternative explanation, not enough of ((those people)) on the board. Donald Trump said as much about his own finances, right out loud, then our liberal media had a careful examination of whether this rose to the level of anti-Semitism and gosh, it was all so complicated, who can know?

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Wow... it's times like these I really admire your steel-girded loins for wading fearlessly into this seething miasma of gobbledy-gook most of the rest of us (read: me) would like to pretend doesn't exist... because it's so psychologically sick and twisted. I am consistently reminded of that 'freedom fighter independent libertarian' I no longer speak to, when all they ever did was regurgitate nutty hardcore right wing catshit in complete denial ('I'm neutral! I am not right OR left' kinda thing). Anyway, thanks for the update from Loonytown and I'm off to stuff my mattress with clamshells, blankets and beads now.

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"clamshells, blankets and beads"

Hear how they jing, jinga-linga

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Not Jobim's finest work.

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Nor anyone else's for that matter...

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Were his loins actually steel-girded? Cause if he waded in up to there we're gonna have ta call him Rusty from now on...

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Don’t encourage them, we’ll never hear the end of it

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Money Matrix mishegas...America's Wang... Where to start? I only have so many hats to tip.

Meanwhile, Fox News's Aysnley Earhardt (I have to keep remembering she's not Frank Zappa's drummer) advises all to withdraw their money from their bank accounts. "...and send it to us for safekeeping" she did not say. YET?????

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What Aynsley doesn't know is her viewership already sent all their money to the Franklin Mint.

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"South America, take it away!" said Bugs, Criminal #1. Yeah, I seen it.

What's up, Doc?

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Aw, Christ, here we go again with the evergreen "The gummint is gonna CONTROL YOUR LIFE!!1" bullshit, as if Biden is in your kitchen slapping the donut out of your hand and Hillary's in the bedroom laying out the clothes you WILL wear. Of course, it's just petit booj assholes with auto garages and lawn services all pissed off there's regulations on their businesses. "It's a GUMMINT PLOT to CONTROL YOU!" I can't help but think of Limbaugh at one point claiming Democrats were for mass transit because "they want to control where you go". They're all in a tizzy because they think someone's going to track their purchases of food buckets, ammunition, and ammonium nitrate, when, as we've seen, these dumbasses post the whole thing to their Gab account.

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"they want to control where you go". Meanwhile Melon Husk wants to put us all in self-driving cars which may or may not go where we tell them to.

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And wants to build one-lane tunnels for them to drive in. (Thank god they don't spontaneously combust for no apparent reason!) And which you *can't even get into* if it's below freezing.

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The passengers check in but THEY NEVER CHECK OUT.

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I'm so old I remember the 2008 housing/banking crisis being blamed on "banks being forced to lend to n*****s".

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Ironically (ha!), I remember reading pieces about not insignificant numbers of minority home-buyers who could afford normal 30-year mortgages but were deliberately steered into sub-prime garbage loans because that was more profitable for every cog in the mortgage scam machine. Good times.

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Thank you, Roy. Especially for writing a beautiful precis like this: "a moron who somehow elbowed his way to the front of the thick, howling pack of rightwing podcasters, influencers, and other modern cognomens for what in my day were called publicity hounds, and rode a wave of dumbass attention and approbation to millions of followers" when I'm reduced to mere sputtering.

One of the things that gets me about this Stamaty/Crumb cartoon world we endure is how easily some of the above-described homebound morons manage to become overnight viruses who then cause actual suffering for real people. So an obscure real estate agent in Brooklyn becomes Libs of TikTok and fucks up children's hospitals, the stupidest man on the Internet has his own syndicated Gateway Pundit publishing house, and fucking Ben Shapiro is practically the new Henry Luce with his own media empire, and they're all revered and quoted by famous ex-presidents and billionaires.

The last time I saw a Catturd dropping it was a viral tweet claiming the war in Ukraine was a a total fake because "We get no footage, no detailed updates, no graphs explaining how the war is going, who has control of what land" except for, you know, all of the endless footage, updates, and graphs we do see, not to mention the dead families and writhing wounded in bombed out apartment buildings. And like projectile diarrhea, this shite exploded all over Twitterland. (vide:https://twitter.com/kylenabecker/status/1629263036367216645)

I used to be a charitable person. But now I can only borrow a favorite phrase of the Leader, these people are human scum.

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Charity is for chumps.

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"Stamaty/Crumb cartoon world we endure" if only!

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I get your reluctance to give up Hardcore, it's a pure distillation of where the mainstream Republican Party is right now, shorn of any figleaf of rationality or logic. Pure grievance, resentment, and a magma of hate and fear underneath. None of these assertions make any sense, and they're not meant to, they radiate the pure joy of the Id screaming its undisguised passions as loud and clear as possible. Hardcore reminds me of a throwaway joke in Men In Black (that gets a callback at the end) where J picks up a few tabloid sheets at a news stand: "best investigative reporting on the planet".

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