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SundayStyle's avatar

Crazy rightwing conspiracy theories, you say? What an abundance of riches! Well, I think mine might be a bit mundane compared to captive kiddies under a Washington DC pizzeria or JFK Jr. still being alive, but I am tickled by the amazing appearing then disappearing Migrant Caravans that miraculously materialize around September in every major election year, only to vanish again after the 1st Tuesday in November.

I have no idea what kind of Trojan Horse or Star Trek type hologram or maybe even better, Harry Potter invisibility cloaks are being used by these migrants, that allow tens of thousands of them to advance on the southern border at a snail’s pace, only to evaporate within miles of the finish line. I keep hoping that Fox News will create some kind of equivalent feature to the Santa Clause Tracker, so every night in the lead up to the election they can show the progress: “the unwashed hordes advanced 17 miles today.” Maybe with the ominous musical accompaniment of the theme from the movie Jaws.

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Derelict's avatar

My favorite Rightwing conspiracy theory is an oldie that's still evolving: Hillary Clinton has blackmail material on EVERY Republican in the country--blackmail material so incredibly damaging that all Republicans will risk everything to protect her.

This theory first came about in the wake of Vince Foster's death. Every conservative KNEW for a fact that Hillary killed Vince (or had him killed) because he was her jilted lover who was going to reveal that Hillary is a lesbian. Sure, there were investigations by the Park Police, the DC Police, the Secret Service, the FBI, not one but TWO Republican special counsels, multiple GOP House committees, a special Senate committee, and untold freelance Rightwingers. And, yes, no evidence was ever found that Hillary killed Vince Foster. But that's only because EVERYONE was in on the coverup!

And, of course, Trump ran on "Lock Her Up!" And every conservative KNOWS that Hillary Clinton committed treason against the United States. Sold our uranium, BENGHAZI!!!, Clinton Foundation, etc. Yet, when Trump became president and thus controlled the DOJ, and Republicans took over Congress and thus had the power to launch countless new investigations, Hillary mysteriously remained free. As one staunch conservative explained it to me, NOBODY would move against her because of the blackmail material she has on EVERYONE. Blackmail material sooooooo bad that they're willing to let a traitor walk!

(I asked the guy who told me this if he felt any compunction about voting for people who have done things so horrific that they would rather sink the country than have their misdeeds come to light. No, he said, because the alternative would be voting for a Democrat.)

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