315 Comments

Yeah, when you put it that way, me too.

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Lizard people is an oldie but stupidie.

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"The National Butterfly Center and the North American Butterfly Association were a cartel front, involved in human trafficking, selling women and children into sex slavery, and dumped dead bodies on their property swarmed by butterflies..."

It's the swarming butterflies that makes it cherce.

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Wow, I never knew that. Personally, I've always hopeful about the lizard people and I believe that Dr. Who did a documentary about that once.

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Forget we not the furries and their litter boxes in public schools...

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My sister in Florida started ranting about the litter boxes in schools thing. I told her it was complete bullshit. But she insisted it was real because she knew schools where it was happening right there in Florida. I said "Gee. If only you had a governor who didn't appoint such a woke school supervisor to the state government."

She didn't get it.

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Dr. Who was a documentary?

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Shhhh... don't let the normies find out.

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Didn't this have something to do with them not wanting to have a Trump's wall built through a butterfly reserve in Texas?

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I was unaware of any of this butterfly-related stuff, and grateful to know I need to keep an eye on flying insect aficionados.

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I like butterflies as much as the next guy, but my phone is full of pictures of mushrooms I encounter on my walks. Where's MY conspiracy theory?

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Me too! Fascinated by fungi.

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You need to make it yourself

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Assault, weapon brandishing, trespassing and impersonating a federal police officer were involved, but yeah – just wanted that wall built.

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Don't they know Butterflies Are Free?

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Free to change your vote, Sheeple!

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Goldie Hawn was young once

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My understanding is that butterflies can be implanted with a chip (Soros-funded) that enables them to fly over polling places and change R votes to D. That's what I heard anyway.

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I don't know but I've been told.

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Them chrysalises are PODS, people!

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Adorable! I mean they'd have to be killed, like with shotguns, but just adorable.

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That reminds me of my favorite current conspiracy: Italygate where Italian Intelligence took over satellites and switched votes to Biden. Just so many questions.

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If my late father—he pegged out a year before he could have (with vast enthusiasm) voted for Trump—ever met a conspiracy theory he didn’t like, I’m not aware of it. A bog-standard Republican until the mid-1970s, he was particularly fond of models involving mysterious cabals ruling the world from behind the scenes. These were, over time, the Council on Foreign Relations, the Trilateral Commission, the Bilderburgers, the Illuminati, the Masons, Prince Bernhard of the Netherlands…it was inevitable that he would finally settle upon the sinister entity behind all these shadow rackets. Yes, folks, the International Jewish Conspiracy! I think conspiracy theories answer a need, which I’ve observed in some people my own age, to impose order, even a delusional order, on a bewildering world in which they feel powerless. My old man, when my siblings and I scoffed at his beliefs, would tell us that “we cognoscenti”—his word—knew the truth even if his naïve children could not recognize it.

Also: chemtrails and Hollow Earth. Near the end of his life he broke his hip and was fitted with a replacement unit. My brother and I were there post-op as the old gentlemen came to and began babbling about Queen Elizabeth being a reptile. We both supposed it was the drugs talking; were subsequently astounded to learn that this notion was being promulgated by Art Bell, a deranged man with a late-night radio show, and was shared among countless thousands of people, not all of them with powerful opioids coursing through their systems.

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Ah yes, Art Bell. As it happens, an idiot told me about him. (Not you. This was long before.)

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The Chemtrails are INSIDE the Earth!

Also, one thing the lizard people got on their side the ledger are those awesome long forked tongues. I'd find things to do with a tongue like that if I was a reptile.

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The human mind is built on making sense, which involves identifying patterns. We make meanings where and when there are none, the same was we see faces (pareidolia) in things without faces. My observations of conspiracy finders concurs with your assessment that they are trying find order in the midst of all the science they just don't understand, even if they aren't a rocket man or a neurosurgeon.

I am not sure Claire März's Mick Jagger lips mushroom pic counts as pareidolia, but where there's a will there's a way to make it so. I blame that Captain Piccard feller. Starship guys got a lot of power, don't you know.

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But he never could make it sew.

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Time to go Debbie Downer: In the context of current times, none of this crap can be hilarious.

OTOH, all their claims are hilarious in their (if I’m using the word correctly) mendacity. If I’m misusing the word, then the imbecility of their beliefs.

More bummering: Whether they believe the bullshit or not is irrelevant -- it’s all performative.

So, like, I find it all funny, but none LOL hilarious, sorry.

😢😭

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Mendacity and imbecility are both correct.

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TBH, my primary interest with REBID is to learn from good writing and learn big, smarty pants words 😵‍💫

Haven’t seen mendacity used in decades and I didn’t have a dictionary app at hand. So my recollection was that it was related to imbecility, cretinism -- Scopes trial stuff.

And finally looked it up and... actually not the word I had in mind.

But thanks for the enlightenment.

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Mendacity and Burl Ives are forever linked in my brain.

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Not just you. When Rip Torn was rehearsing for the role, everybody was pleased well enough with what he was doing. But then one day he told the director he wanted to start over. "I been givin' ya Burl," Torn said. And indeed, his version was different and just as great.

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When writing about this great nation, I often use all three. We witness the mendacity of cretinous imbeciles on a daily basis. Many times daily.

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Not to mention the imbecility of mendacious cretins.

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Does seem to be that we are in the Cretinaceous Era

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And we won't even be leaving behind any useful carbon deposits to be exploited by whatever species follows us. Just plastic.

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Tyrannosaurus Dicks

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All Cretans are liars.

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That's why I didn't offer up certain things that came to mind. I ended up avoiding the Right altogether.

I considered cargo cults, but those were (are?) nice people just trying to make sense of a changing world. And does it count as a conspiracy theory if it's central to a culture?...

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I just miss when laughing at conspiracies was fun.

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It's a question of coping with rampant uncontrolled insanity. Normies are uncomfortable with incoherent rage that bleeds into violent action. May be some vestigial fear of a rabid monkey in the pack, I dunno. In any case, mockery is the coping mechanism of the powerless. A coping mechanism, if you will, when coping seems to,be the only immediate option. If I laugh, maybe he'll go away. Worked with Dan Quayle.

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Nah, it’s simpler than that.

Republicans dictate policy.

A key cohort of Republican voters are cray-cray.

So policy, actions get done to appeal to the insane and unhinged.

And mockery will be the last freedom we lose. (Of course, the definition of freedom is, like, fungible.)

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Partly, but the real goal is chaos, to gring things to a halt. Trump has taught them that chaos is a powerful tool when your goal is to tear something down, whether it threatens you or you simply hate it. The crazy is the Joker act, to keep people focused on the act instead of the plan.

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The fPOTUS-loving part of the GOP base, lusting for decades to tear it all down since they can’t have the nation remade in their image. That infantilism has met its match and leader in fPOTUS and his protégés.

Now are you starting to get why I have minimal respect for them?

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Yea, sorry, politics and conspiracy theories are too annoying to deal with this early on a Friday morning. Funny story about Paul Giamatti looking like a regular schlub though. His kid went to the same school as my kid and according to my family I saw him all the time at school events and even chatted with him once, but not a single time did I ever recognize him. That’s one you could do for some future fun Friday: encounters with celebrities. I have a few more funny stories along those lines and I bet others do too.

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Encounters with celebrities wherein you didn't know you were encountering a celebrity!

I once spent half an hour explaining to John Oates of Hall & Oates how the intake system on his airplane works. Wasn't until later in the day that someone me told who it was.

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I'mo wait til the boss makes this future thread current, but will drop this:

MacKenzie

Oh, the fun we had!

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I find all of the 5G conspiracy theories hilarious, and so stupid!

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Oh yeah, we've been bathing ourselves in radio waves (sorry, "electromagnetic RADIATION", that's so much scarier) since the days of Marconi, but it's those 5G radio waves that are so extra-special harmful.

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Well, there’s FIVE (5!) Gs! GGGGG!! That’s gotta be bad!

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Should have stopped at Gigi. Leslie Caron was lovely in that.

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You do a lotta popcorn Mr B, back in the olden days?

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Oh yeah, total cornhead.

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Hearted for Alex Cox Adjacencies ❤️

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Wait, who's this Macaroni fella? Is pasta in on it as well?

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Suspiciously swarthy.

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My local electric company went to wifi-readable electric meters about 12 years ago. People were completely freaked out because the radiation from these things would be horrible! Gonna cause gene mutations! Cancer! Baldness!

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One of my crazy sister-in-law's married some goob from up in deep Central Ohio farm country. He was a farmer (though not a good one. He mostly survived selling off family land. His wife was a pretty good earner so mostly all he had to do was sit around and bellyache about

how hard he had to work. Sell a parcel every now and then when he wanted a new truck. If he had worked for his money and saved the land he'd be a multi-multi-millionaire by now.)So at some family thing, I was sitting around the garage with all the men in his family, drinking beer. Shooting the shit. One of them starts talking about "Jew bankers"

And "Zionist Occupational Government "shit. This was the early '80s and there was no national organization or major presidential candidate connected with that shit. They went on and on about it. They'd been doing a lot of thinking.

The reason I find it so funny is that none of those people, not a single one knew any Jewish people or maybe have never even run into one. Their local banker with some guy they went to school with named Clyde.

They got divorced. I haven't seen him in 20 years. Somebody told me he got real fat. I bet he voted for Trump.

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My go-to conspiracy pundit used to joke that there simply were not enough Jews around to control all the banks...and then he would follow that up with "the Episcopalians, on the other hand..."

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Old joke:

1939 Berlin. Two Jews are sitting on a park bench. One of them is reading Der Sturmer. The other turns to him and says "Ach! How can you read such dreck?"

The man with the paper says "I look around me and I see our family businesses being confiscated and closed, our children being kicked out of schools, our friends being beaten in the streets and deported, and all of us being barred from working. But in HERE!" he says, shaking the paper. "In here, we control the banks, we control the government, we control all industry . . ."

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The Deep State gave him diabetes.

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I have it on good authority that he wasn't payin' for those Fudge Rounds himself.

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Hillary Clinton turned me into a newt. Gingrich-style

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Side-eye of newt is to be avoided like the Q.

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The Neo-Nazis did a LOT of recruiting in the Midwest in the 80s, based on the myth that all those farm foreclosures weren't prompted by systemic causes but by (((you know who))). Thus the development of the "patriot" militias and the Oklahoma City bombing.

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Not a new problem .

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I'm not sure why "Bankers are fucking you over BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT BANKERS DO" was too complicated for these people to understand. "But... but... they're BANKERS, surely we'll need to find some exotic ethnic identity to explain this behavior!"

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"Why, an Episcopalian Banker would never fuck me over like this!"

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2 marks (slightly guilty tho I feel)

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Rich people of various stripes attempting to control the world seems to be the way of things, and right out loud too, no need to wrap it in a bunch of silliness.

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Dec 8Edited

I spent an...interesting...day deep in midwestern farmlands visiting a foundry that made stuff for us. The proprietor picked me up at the regional airport and drove me to the foundry – a 90 minute trip one way. Pointed out all farms where his buds had stockpiled tons of arms and ammo for the Uprising (Turner Diaries-inspired). He slid into the conversation kinda sideways, assuming I'd know nothing about what he was on about, but I made it pretty clear I knew about The Order, Identity, National Alliance, the Covenant, the Sword & the Arm of the Lord, Army of God, Posse Comitatus, Aryan Nations, the Sagebrushers and the like. We had a fine old time comparing notes.

When I got home I told the boss about who we were buying our parts from. He said Let it go – it's fun to think those guys were making parts for our progressive cause (bicycle parts!).

I sent a message to the FBI anyway. Never heard back.

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Crazy rightwing conspiracy theories, you say? What an abundance of riches! Well, I think mine might be a bit mundane compared to captive kiddies under a Washington DC pizzeria or JFK Jr. still being alive, but I am tickled by the amazing appearing then disappearing Migrant Caravans that miraculously materialize around September in every major election year, only to vanish again after the 1st Tuesday in November.

I have no idea what kind of Trojan Horse or Star Trek type hologram or maybe even better, Harry Potter invisibility cloaks are being used by these migrants, that allow tens of thousands of them to advance on the southern border at a snail’s pace, only to evaporate within miles of the finish line. I keep hoping that Fox News will create some kind of equivalent feature to the Santa Clause Tracker, so every night in the lead up to the election they can show the progress: “the unwashed hordes advanced 17 miles today.” Maybe with the ominous musical accompaniment of the theme from the movie Jaws.

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And OH, what goodies they are bringing with their canteloup thighs!

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"Bob, I've seen footage of the caravan, and it seems like it's mostly comprised of landscape workers and hotel maids. The men are carrying rakes on their shoulders and have hedge clippers hanging from their belts. The women are in pink uniforms and are wheeling laundry carts."

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As long as they don’t crossvthe border with damn leaf blowers, I’m good with that.

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You forgot the prayer rugs -- it's migrant caravans carrying prayer rugs. I made a sign for one of the Women's Marches I never used, but I encounter it in the basement every now and then: MY PARENTS CROSSED THE BORDER IN A MIGRANT CARAVAN AND ALL I GOT WAS THIS LOUSY PRAYER RUG.

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Of course. How could I forget that Guatemala is an infamously Islamic nation?

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See, you're thinking too much, putting known facts with other known facts. You gotta stop that.

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That's your education speaking. Shoo it away like a mosquito!

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I have it on good, orange authority that Hamas is pouring over our southern border!

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Jordan Klepper interviewed a guy who said ISIS and MS-13 both joined Antifa at the Capitol on 1/6. This was before the Hamas attack on Israel, I'm sure he's updated his opinions by now.

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"I'm sure he's updated his opinions by now."

Priors. The cool kids these days are always updating their PRIORS.

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I blame Bayes.

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My daughter’s former mother-in-law still believes the Jackie Kennedy yellow brocade curtains in the White House are Barak Obama’s “Muslim Prayer Curtains”.

She’s ex Coast Guard.

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My nutso coworker insists he sees the white buses with them migrants coming into Ojai. When he drives to and from Pasadena (quite the daily commute), he says Biden is hiding the illegals in the national parks, and he sees it. I am not aware of any national parks one can see from the road between Ojai and Pasadena, but this guy obviously has exceptional visual powers. I just ask if what he's talking about has anything to do with the sales we're working on. Does this migrant caravan thing require high-speed Internet?

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I hafta concede, you really can't beat the Return of the Scion for ludicrousness. And here I thought chemtrails was pretty silly (don't you guys know how big the sky is? And how inefficient a dispersal system that would be?).

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But, but, don't you SEE?? They're flying in FORMATION!

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No those are old WWII documentaries. They got our parents and grand parents that is why all that civil rights stuff happened in the 60s.

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Oh, yeah – that makes sense.

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And as Roy pointed out, what makes this one so deliciously weird is WHY??? Why would the Kennedys do this? I'm sure there's some incredibly convoluted and far-fetched reason. Wheels within wheels, don't you know.

I often think if most Q-Anon nuts could just find a good True Crime podcast they liked, a lot of this would go away.

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To be fair, the current crop of Kennedys is pretty weird and inexplicable.

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I will admit that if RFK Jr ever greeted Vincent Fusca as "cousin" it wouldn't surprise me much.

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They reconnected on Epstein's plane.

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Is there anyone who has ever been on the cover of the New York Post who has NOT been on Epstein's plane? That Venn diagram may be a circle.

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How did it even achieve lift-off?

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Don't know much about RFK Jr. and care even less, but is it true that his anti-vax lunacy came out of the fact that one of his children has autism? to me, this is just horrifying, that you'd treat one of your own kids as DAMAGED GOODS and launch a national crusade like you want to return them to the manufacturer.

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Said to be the case. True? Who can say...

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"Hey, look everybody! This one is BROKEN, and boy am I mad about it!"

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I'd say most, if not all, of the autism grifts are based around the supposed living hell that is the autistic child, and here's why it happened/here's how you cure it.

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Well, the only thing worse would be if one of your kids came out as gay. Do you know how much conversion therapy costs these days?

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Waiting for bleach enemas to cure gay in 5... 4...

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No clue on conversion theray cost. Do you know?

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It has to be Someone (else's) Fault, and "you broke it, you bought it" is the American 12th Commandment.

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Well, in the good old days (viz., early 1960s for me), the Kennedys were doing that sort of thing as part of the worldwide Catholic conspiracy, as documented by (for instance) Herbert W. Armstrong and his son Garner Ted Armstrong in their "The Plain Truth" magazine. As recently as 10 years ago, I noticed an apparently Hispanic-run cafe in Worcester MA that had current copies of "The Plain Truth" and (unless I am confabulating in my dotage) invitations to some local meetings of the Worldwide Church of God.

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For me, nothing beats Jewish Space Lasers!!!!

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