82 Comments
Feb 3, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

I read the headline and sub and wondered whether this would be a fact-based humor piece or fact-based analysis.

😅

Not just the laughs but it got funnier as it went. Nice way to end the week.

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Is this a true story? It really seems like a true story.

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I can only hope no right wing politicians are subscribed to REBID. what a rich field of ideas for them.

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Feb 3, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

But perhaps a reading challenge too far? I know, I’m going to hell.

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Feb 3, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

If you just knock off with the good intentions, you can still take a detour...

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Feb 3, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

That shouldn’t be too difficult...

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Feb 3, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

Carry on, carry on...

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Feb 3, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

They all ran for the exits the first time they saw "lagniappe."

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Feb 3, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

The bills need better names, like the SNAP changes being called the "Suck It Up, Fatso!" bill, or the LIBTARD Bill (the acronym doesn't stand for anything, everyone agreed it just sounded "triggering")

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Feb 3, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

Making up snarky acronyms is what Congressional interns are for, unless it's Matt Gaetz' office.

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Feb 3, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

Depends on whether they can pay in rubles or not.

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Feb 3, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

"suicide counseling for officers"

oof...

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Feb 3, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

You got me in the first paragraph. I bought it hook, line, and sinker. Then I remembered it was a Roy Edroso piece. Hilarious, especially the bit about Iowa. Miracle whip was a staple in our house. One of the 3 major food groups. Brown-bacon; green-canned (dented of course) green beans; and white-Miracle Whip.

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Feb 3, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

" Agents will do spot checks to make sure recipients are not using ketchup, mustard, or mayonnaise in the home"

This is a vast expansion of the Deep State. Imagine how many brothers-in-law of congresscritters, their lackey-flunkies, and junior county commissioners there are. Now imagine every one a them comfortably sinecured, cruisin' 'round, bangin' on doors, yellin' "Bring out yer spread!"

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Feb 3, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

[radio crackles] "Uh, Chief, need some backup here...these folks is packin' mustard... not just mustard but BROWN mustard."

"Hold tight. we're sending the SWAT team."

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Feb 3, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

(I'd be OK with this if they were confiscating Yellow School Bus Mustard.)

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author

We had the cheap and simple food -- cube steaks, canned or frozen vegetables, etc -- but my mother always insisted on Hellman's REAL Mayonnaise.

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Feb 3, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

For a while my mom was on a kick of buying the missing-label cans for something like 10 cents a piece. Opening a can expecting green beans and finding Hershey's chocolate syrup still ranks as one of the high points of my life.

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oh hell that brings back memories. as the eldest of ten in an Irish-catholic family, I was the chief decoder of the stamped numbers on the labelless cans. the only things that got tossed were the occasional swollen cans. and the creamed corn, of course. yuck!

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Feb 3, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

The dented can store in San Jose was onea my favorite places. They basically gave away the store. 6-packs of previously unheard-of beers for 99 cents was my eternal basket filler.

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Feb 3, 2023·edited Feb 3, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

My mom always bought Miracle Whip until I was in high school. Then she started getting mayonnaise, and now I can’t stand Miracle Whip.

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Feb 3, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

Well you did grow up in Connecticut, didn't you? You had a little class. Do you remember the white w/black lettering generic foods?

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Feb 3, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

As seen in the 1984 documentary "Repo Man"!

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Feb 3, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

We had something like that (white with black lettering and a green stripe), Jewel's store brand, that I remember only seeing at the Grand Bazaar on 87th and State at the Dan Ryan. (https://jillcataldo.com/generic_coffee_can/)

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author

"All-Purpose"!

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In Southern California, the generic box had the black block littering, with a blue stripe. Opening the cupboard and seeing nothing but the "Blue Stripe brands" was a pretty good sign that money-wise we were having a bad week or month. But it taught my sister and I a valuable lesson, one we still quote to this day: "Oh just put it in your mouth. In 18 hours it'll all be shit anyway."

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author

We eschewed the generics, I think because mom would not be seen with them at the checkout line. Better the hurt cans and the day-old cake!

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Feb 3, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

I did buy my share of generic beer labeled “Beer”, as a young man living on a budget in the big city…

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The Brits have something they call "salad cream" which I've never had the guts to taste, but I expect it's either Miracle Whip or the equivalent.

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Well, if it was anything like Aunt Penny's White Sauce you missed out!

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Same in our house (the cube steak was a short step up from the canned salmon patties--scorched black on the outside, pink and cold on the inside), but since it was the West Coast, my mother splurged on Hellman's evil twin, Best Foods Mayonnaise.

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Feb 3, 2023·edited Feb 3, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

Bring out the Hellman's and bring out the best!

My Mom made mayonaise cake with miracle whip.

(I just noticed that without thinking I used all lower case for "miracle whip".)(Did it again!)

My parents grew up during the Depression - they could squeeze a dime so hard if you listened carefully you could hear it scream. My Mom loved Spam. Kraft Dinner. Spaghetti-O's

Crisco on white bread sprinkled with sugar (store brand - not that high-falutin' Wonder Bread) . We weren't poor - that was just how they had learned to eat.

Funny,they would go out to eat every Friday or Saturday night and they would go to nice places - extra silverwear, cloth napkins. Steakhouses. Good Italian. I don't think they were adventurous in any way. My Mom would do Chinese. I can't remember Dad ever going. Once or twice a year Mom would take us to place that could really be described as a Chop Suey Joint. It was just east of downtown Columbus on Old RT 40. She used to tell us that Dean Martin had eaten there when he was young and playing in all the nightclubs in that part of town. I think she told us that story everytime we went. Just part of eating there, like chopsticks that we mostly used as spears and stale fortune cookes. It was probably true!

I ate a fresh fortune cookie once. It didn't taste right.

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author

I always eat the fortune cookies. Waste not want not.

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Feb 3, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

Long time ago, I treated my parents to a guided walking tour in Chinatown (in SF) and one stop was a fortune cookie factory (supposedly the original one) and the fresh ones were delicious. We bought an inexpensive sack of broken and deformed cookies, also delicious. Somewhere else my parents bought me a little drawing of a panda with my name inscribed in Chinese. I don’t know what it really said.

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That sounds deliscious! By fresh I meant the lady at the cash register opened a new box.

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Feb 3, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

Get Hellman's. Get REAL.

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Feb 3, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

You forgot the Right to Bare Arms Act that Matt Gaetz proposed. Rep. Gaetz complained that the Missouri lege dress rule violated both the 2nd Amendment and his right to ogle AOC’s toned “guns.” (In response she offered to demonstrate her “guns” two feet from his nose.)

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Feb 3, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

Is this satire or not

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Feb 3, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

Satire today, news tomorrow.

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If that's not Roy's "All The News That's Fit to Print" motto, then I want to talk to the manager.

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Feb 3, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

Tragedy tomorrow, comedy tonight.

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Feb 3, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

Any musical comedy reference gets a heart from me!

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"Agents will do spot checks to make sure recipients are not using ketchup, mustard, or mayonnaise in the home..."

Mayonnaide is of course acceptable. Cost = 2 ration cards.

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Feb 3, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

When you are clinically mayo, make mayonnaide...?

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Feb 3, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

Still awaiting the Federal court rulings on Goober Grape and Fluffernutter.

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Feb 3, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

I cannot let “girl bosses” slide by...

I get it, I do. The boss says the magas say that's woke, and in their dismal swamp it must be so. But out here in the real world “girl bosses” is a term that magas actually champion, in contrast to "women supervisors", who by definition cannot find purchase in the hierarchy.

You can work with girl bosses, is all I'm sayin'...

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Next they'll claim Biden put a bust of Margaret Thatcher in the basement and that'll be their big feminist move https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2016/apr/22/barack-obama-winston-churchill-bust-oval-office-britain

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Feb 3, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

Found out last night that Thatcher actually allowed school lunches that were totally nutrionally worthless. Presumably allowing ravioli filled with chalk.

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Feb 3, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

Feel compelled to post this any time her name is mentioned:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pi_YQul7XXk

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Feb 3, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

Abusing others through the instrument of capitalism will always be celebrated, no matter your gender or skin color. I think that was Martin Luther King's dream, right?

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Dunno, but maybe the Rev. Martin Lewis King Jr., favorite pet of the new congressional miracle whippersnappers.

Seriously. It took me this long to suddenly shudder at the thought of all those moms rampaging about with their miracle whips...

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Feb 3, 2023·edited Feb 3, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

Victory will have the easiest job of any insult comic ever: he'll just have to shout "FAAAAAAAAAAG" whenever any Democrat uses the words "empathy," "equality" or "justice" on the House Floor. Then Sean Hannity will interview the puppet and marvel at his ability to come up with the perfect anti-woke retort, every single time.

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author

I see you've read the scripts!

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Feb 3, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

"This is a nice capitol building... for me to poop on! Oh, wait -- been there, done that."

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Feb 3, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

You really do have an uphill battle with this. People this unserious make parody superfluous, It's going to be a very long two years.

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Feb 3, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

I think the most horrifying two words in this were "Guest Congressman." My mind reels at the possibilities.

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Feb 3, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

OK, "Elon Musk Comedy Hour" came close, but that's four words, and not twice as horrifying.

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Feb 3, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

A whole hour of Musk’s “comedy” would seem like a year. Terminally ill people would love it, same way they love Iowa.

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Feb 3, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

The feckless, beardless (WTF?) portrayer of Hercules of the eponymous teevee show is a good choice, though. He’s at least as qualified to chair a committee as any of those other nimrods.

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Feb 3, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

Fund will also cover legal expenses related to intellectual property suits.

Triumph has already retained counsel..

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Wait til Triumph tells them, "You can't spell Triumph without TRUMP." Heads will roll, explode, etc.

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Feb 3, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

Lol, from over here in the hellscape that Iowa has become. Where only private/religious schools will get money, also too.

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Sadly hearted. This is not untrue.

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"smart-alecky comments"? Uh-oh. Shit just got real.

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Feb 3, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

OK, now you've triggered my "pry it from my cold, dead hands you bastards" response.

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Feb 3, 2023Liked by Roy Edroso

woke sentiments and concepts such as “endemic racism,” “marriage equality,” “girl bosses,” and “universal healthcare,”

Blue hair! Don't forget blue hair!

And there's a request sent in by a helpful individual, reading "please make sure all the girls are hot so I can think about them better. T.C."

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