So Musk took away blue checkmarks from people who didn’t pay, then two days later gifted checkmarks BACK to people, living OR dead, who have at least a million followers…but who never paid or asked for them back. Because the alleged purpose of selling the blue checks in the first place was to make Twitter more…egalitarian.
And when you click on Anthony Bourdain’s or Pele’s checkmark, Twitter tells you those late individuals have paid and given a phone number.
If Twitter was a Space X rocket, it would have exploded by now.
I can't decide which is funnier, that Musk netted less than 300 new blue checkmarks in the first 48 hours, or watching his hand-to-hand combat with @dril, the man, the legend, lol.
Of course, dril is winning, because Musk wants to be a bona-fide shitposter more than anything else in the world (but isn't and never will be) while dril is the ORIGINAL shitposter.
It's amazing that any of this is in any way important. Even pretend important. This is how the richest man in the world spends his time? Collecting Beanie Babies would be more momentous.
Adding an emoji to anything immediately trivializes it.
Good column - Anytime Jason " Weebil with a neckbeard" Miller takes a knock is fine with me.
If you listen to the audio from the crowd watching the launch, they start cheering the instant it explodes. They don't need to be told, they know right away this is a BIG WIN for Elon, they'll get an explanation why later, but they don't really need one.
Colbert had a bit in his monologue about how the state of South Carolina had a bill introduced in its legislature to lure Disney World to South Carolina, the name of the bill was something like "Mickey's Freedom Restoration Act", and the crowd cheers, and Colbert says, "I love how everything today is stupid." I don't think that was actually on the cue cards.
The government agency I used to work for sports a *gray* checkmark. "Verified" to not being "verified". (And no, they won't pay; they can't. They'd have to justify doing so to Congress.)
BTW Roy, as of 9:00 AM I haven't had this post emailed to me, I accessed it by going to the Substack link in your Twitter profile. Comments/likes seem to be a little light, so it wouldn't surprise me if this impacted a group of us. No big deal, probably just another Substack glitch, but just FYI.
Meanwhile, those lame, old, tiresome liberals, who wouldn't know how to properly use a poop emoji in online combat if their lives depended on it, just go around registering people to vote and turning them out for school board elections [barf]. Don't they know the war will be won by the dankest memes?
Thanks, now the YouTube algorithm is feeding me old Clutch Cargo episodes, and man, is that effect with the lips creepy, especially when the teeth show. Also a reminder that standards for oral health have improved quite a bit since the 60's.
Too bad Twitter can’t crash like a self-driving Tesla or explode like a Space-X rocket but has to implode like the end of TS Eliot’s world. Meanwhile, greetings from Nogales where El Zarape serves the best breakfast this side of the border.
I got on Twitter the other day for the first time in years and the first thing I saw were tweets from Musk and Andrew Tate. Not my kind of cesspool. Why are legitimate news organizations and other businesses still supplying free content to a far right hate site?
"in lieu of a chin"
For lack of a chin the Internet was lost!
Oh, no, it was *saved* by Elmo's hair plugs. No bizarre combover for him.
So Musk took away blue checkmarks from people who didn’t pay, then two days later gifted checkmarks BACK to people, living OR dead, who have at least a million followers…but who never paid or asked for them back. Because the alleged purpose of selling the blue checks in the first place was to make Twitter more…egalitarian.
And when you click on Anthony Bourdain’s or Pele’s checkmark, Twitter tells you those late individuals have paid and given a phone number.
If Twitter was a Space X rocket, it would have exploded by now.
By doing so, Elmo drew attention to himself yet again and have now made the checkmark meaningless.
BTW: This exercise, apparently, got a net increase of BC users in the no shit low three figures.
I can't decide which is funnier, that Musk netted less than 300 new blue checkmarks in the first 48 hours, or watching his hand-to-hand combat with @dril, the man, the legend, lol.
Of course, dril is winning, because Musk wants to be a bona-fide shitposter more than anything else in the world (but isn't and never will be) while dril is the ORIGINAL shitposter.
😂
You laugh, but I did the math and that's TWENTY FOUR HUNDRED DOLLARS.
Having no head for high finance myself, I am chastened to learn this. Elon seems well on his way to righting the ship (removes tongue from cheek).
And that's EVERY DAMN MONTH, buddy. You could maybe get an efficiency apartment on Staten Island for that kind of money!
I just saw the check for Hugo Chávez.
Solidaridad!
Well, if the guy gets to pick the U.S. President FROM THE GRAVE, the very least he deserves is a blue checkmark.
We're sorry – that number has been disconnected or is no longer in service.
You forgot to "Oprima dos", that's why Hugo's not coming through.
"If Twitter was a Space X rocket, it would have exploded by now."
Jordan Klepper said, "It failed as a rocket, but it succeeds as a metaphor."
LMAO, beautiful.
I thought only the LDS recruited the dead to baptize. Does Musk think of himself as the Heavenly Father?
MormonCheck (TM)
Aw, Christ, there's Twittering from the afterlife, now? Jesus.
Had to confirm that Roy *doesn't* have a blue checkmark. Can confirm!
Speaking of Roy, hope he got it all, blue checkmark/Elmo-wise.
As for those people, vileness-wise, so hard to tell parody apart from the real alt-right, Neo-Nazi incels. And (of course) not worth the effort.
It's amazing that any of this is in any way important. Even pretend important. This is how the richest man in the world spends his time? Collecting Beanie Babies would be more momentous.
Adding an emoji to anything immediately trivializes it.
Good column - Anytime Jason " Weebil with a neckbeard" Miller takes a knock is fine with me.
I remember "Clutch Cargo".
To be fair, Melon Husk managed to blow up the Biggest Rocket Evah while pwning Stephen King with crying gifs, so it's not like he can't multitask.
And it was a TREMENDOUS SUCCESS, the rocket blowing up, another bold step forward in the fulfilment of the goals of the five-year plan!
Those of you mocking Melon Husk, just you wait. He’s playing a game so beyond your level you can’t even see it.
If you listen to the audio from the crowd watching the launch, they start cheering the instant it explodes. They don't need to be told, they know right away this is a BIG WIN for Elon, they'll get an explanation why later, but they don't really need one.
"And now for something completely different. . ."
"It's. . . Kim Jong Un's (Non) Flying Circus"
"We are proud to report through MinTech that Big Brother has increased the ration of spectacular rocket explosions to three per year!"
"But... son, the snow will destroy the corn crop! And... that's a GOOD thing you did, son, a VERY good thing!"
corn, sure, but not wheat
Colbert had a bit in his monologue about how the state of South Carolina had a bill introduced in its legislature to lure Disney World to South Carolina, the name of the bill was something like "Mickey's Freedom Restoration Act", and the crowd cheers, and Colbert says, "I love how everything today is stupid." I don't think that was actually on the cue cards.
And Spinner and Paddlefoot?
Oops, meant that to refer to Clutch Cargo comment 🤪
Wasn't this also a running gag on Conan?
I think so!
I might willing to pay for the tag that says I represent a government agency. You figure it could be any government you want? Zembla? Freedonia?
Apparently if they reject your check, they keep your money anyway.
The government agency I used to work for sports a *gray* checkmark. "Verified" to not being "verified". (And no, they won't pay; they can't. They'd have to justify doing so to Congress.)
I figured those were a last nod to reality.
BTW Roy, as of 9:00 AM I haven't had this post emailed to me, I accessed it by going to the Substack link in your Twitter profile. Comments/likes seem to be a little light, so it wouldn't surprise me if this impacted a group of us. No big deal, probably just another Substack glitch, but just FYI.
UGH thank you WTF
Roy's been shadow-banned from his own followers!
Hilarious. But, everyone remembers Roy, some of us as far back as the Motherfuckers.
He hasn't transitioned to Substack's Twittery-thing
Meanwhile, those lame, old, tiresome liberals, who wouldn't know how to properly use a poop emoji in online combat if their lives depended on it, just go around registering people to vote and turning them out for school board elections [barf]. Don't they know the war will be won by the dankest memes?
https://www.theguardian.com/education/2023/apr/21/school-board-elections-illinois-wisconsin-republicans-lose
So if I get this right, the Elon fanbois are now the Blue Meanies. Funny, they don't look bluish.
Spinner and Paddlefoot are disappointed they weren’t called out with Clutch.
Again, this one of Roy’s scenarios I would love to see produced. The limited-animation Lone Skum would be absolutely, hysterically funny.
Thanks to Roy I now have bongos playing in my head. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z9ExD2DQMes
Thanks, now the YouTube algorithm is feeding me old Clutch Cargo episodes, and man, is that effect with the lips creepy, especially when the teeth show. Also a reminder that standards for oral health have improved quite a bit since the 60's.
Too bad Twitter can’t crash like a self-driving Tesla or explode like a Space-X rocket but has to implode like the end of TS Eliot’s world. Meanwhile, greetings from Nogales where El Zarape serves the best breakfast this side of the border.
Jammy bastard
I got on Twitter the other day for the first time in years and the first thing I saw were tweets from Musk and Andrew Tate. Not my kind of cesspool. Why are legitimate news organizations and other businesses still supplying free content to a far right hate site?
"'R you Bluish?
Y' don't LOOK Bluish."
-- Yellow Submarine
>It is as Lao Tzu said in ["]The Art of War["].
That sums it up pretty well.
"A beard isn't a substitute for a jaw line, no matter how you trim it!"
—Henchman 24 to Henchman 21, "The Venture Brothers", "Hate Floats" (S02E02)
Oh man, I fear you're 100% correct with this.
How can I possibly trigger any conservative in Mama's basement now??!!