41 Comments

Back in 2017 or so, Trump ordered all of the art in the US embassy in Paris to be removed and shipped back to Washington. None of those works have ever been accounted for since then.

So, yeah--I would not be even slightly surprised to learn that Donald Trump is literally stripping the White House of everything that's not nailed down--and hiring men to pry loose as much of what is nailed down as possible. Because that's just the kind of petty thievery he would indulge in.

And, honestly, it would be fucking hilarious if Trump managed to avoid all the legal trouble he's in, only to end up being tossed in the pokey for GTA (Grand Theft, Americana).

Expand full comment

Orange is the new ... oh, never mind.

Expand full comment

I'm'a thinking of using the word trump as a synonym for turd, piece of shit and/or asshole.

Expand full comment

I think it is, in some places.

Expand full comment

Clearly can be used so much more and more frequently, tho'.

Expand full comment

As Charlie Pierce says, these people would wear rubber pockets just so they could steal soup.

Expand full comment

". . . Lincoln fired War Secretary Simon P. Cameron, a Pennsylvania boss so corrupt said Lincoln, 'The only thing he wouldn't steal was a red hot stove.'"

Expand full comment

Honest Abe wins the internets for the day.

Expand full comment

Where's Burt Lancaster when you need him?

Expand full comment

The dinner plates are tempting, especially since they're machine washable. But I think I'll wait for Don Jr. to do some questionable side business:

Item #224: The State of Louisiana. Jefferson got this from the French as part of a larger purchase. Dad found the papers for the sale in the Resolute Desk with original receipts signed by Napolean himself. Our lawyers will transfer it all into into YOUR name for a fraction of what Jefferson paid. Some slight water damage, but you get a lot of authenticity for the money, and the beauty part is this parcel is no longer encumbered by the original tenants. What a STEAL!

Expand full comment

What about Manhattan? Trump can’t go there anymore, he’d be happy to sell it to Elon Musk.

Expand full comment

Misspelling of "Napoleon" = chef's kiss

Expand full comment

I think he'd say "Ponce de Napoleon"

Expand full comment

If this were anyone else, I’d say “oh, ha ha ha, stealing stuff from the White House, good one.” But Trump? And considering Obama moved the Lincoln bust into the Oval Office and Trump’s whole presidency has been a middle finger to Obama? Yeah, I think he’d jack that bust and a lot of other stuff too. Criminals are gonna criminal.

Expand full comment

Cholly Pierce likes to say of some people that if they had rubber pockets, they’d steal soup

Expand full comment

I posted that above before reading your comment. My apologies.

Expand full comment

An observation so trenchant I liked it twice!

Expand full comment

So this is how Trump plans to reverse Melania’s Mar-al-Baño remodeling, to have a mirror Oval Office from which he can order his fanatics on his new social media platform, Qitter.

Expand full comment

Qitter is dope af

Expand full comment

Jr. hoovered up a 6 inch rail off of the Monroe Plateau. His eyes rolled up into head and he fell to floor like a sack of wet flour. He had stopped breathing . A full minute later he shuddered and gasped in a lung full of air. He wiped the snot off his face on his shirtsleeve and offered the gold plated straw to his father.

" Go on and hit this shit Dad - It will fix you right!"

Expand full comment

I just... wow.. yeah...

I guess there's a historical propriety to this, an irony if you will. A nation founded by pirates, built on pillaged land, by the stolen labor of other human beings, having gained power & wealth through corporate rapine.

Yeah, it's somewhere in there.

Expand full comment

Roy, I'm watching WJ, and crazy person is explaining false flag, etc. Not relevant, the part you might enjoy is that he's from Paint Lick, Kentucky.

Expand full comment

Formerly called Lead-Based Paint Lick, KY.

Expand full comment

Dude did explain, when asked by host, that it was an animal saltlick reference, and that the salt was colorful. But as dude is a crazy conspiracist, I have no hesitation in proclaiming this retconning and suggesting your explanation is more likely, even if it's impossible from a timeline view.

Expand full comment

“...the tree branch, symbolizing our beautiful trees.”

High art.

Expand full comment

I had a literature professor tell us he had a student in a paper say "It's a Christ symbol, but I don't know what it means."

Expand full comment

The culmination of the White House follies and it's real. F*cking astoundingly believable.

Expand full comment

I swear, Joe Biden needs to do a video walkthrough of the White House BEFORE he moves in, similar to protecting yourself from an unscrupulous landlord (there's some other kind?) to ensure the return of your security deposit.

Because otherwise, every missing item will be blamed on him. Anyone who doubts this may have forgotten Junior Bush's ''Clinton trashed the White House'' routine, where what certainly looked to me like the normal wear and tear you get when you live somewhere 8 years was framed as vandalism.

Expand full comment

Gotta do a deep cleaning of the dump. Must be filthy AF, toxic.

Expand full comment

For Sale: LOST DAKOTA. Now you too can own your very own sovereign territory. 11 square miles of remote wilderness, perfect for a secessionist state or luxury survivalist compound. People say this exclave of former Dakota Territory is “dee factoid” part of Montana, but that’s a total gyp, a terrible, terrible thing. You can now officially own it for yourself. We will provide paperwork and certificate of authenticity, drafted by a real lawyer, the best, very very terrific, not like that loser Rudy Giuliani. Cash offers only. No returns.

Expand full comment

Benedict optional

Expand full comment

Can they do that? Really? We all know I'm too pure for this world, but still.

Expand full comment

Ooooo, I love grandfather clocks! I'll take the Seymour Tall Case Clock. Check is in the mail!!!

Expand full comment

The line between satire and truth gets blurrier.

Expand full comment

Satire is just truth too shitty to take straight. You either have to be Jonathan Swift or Hippie Johnny...

Expand full comment