Another laugh out loud entry. Not only funny, but skates frighteningly close to reality.
I really think that Marjorie Taylor Greene may be what breaks my brain – even though I realize how far out there conservatives are at this point and time, when I hear shit like Jewish space lasers part of my mind goes “no, she can’t be for real, she’s got to be doing a bit, nobody that insane could wind up in Congress” and yet here we are.
The GOP has no choice but to continue down Lunatic Highway. The base demands it, and demands that each candidate be ever-more-insane. We all thought it was funny when Christine O'Donnell ran for senate and talked about witches. She lost. Now comes Greene talking about Jewish space lasers, and she won. By 2024, we'll be looking back fondly at a more innocent time when Republicans only believed in Jewish space lasers.
I fear you are right. Lots of people have mistakenly predicted it for the past 10 or 15 years, but we may now actually be living through the death of one of the country’s two major political parties. Good riddance, I guess? Because who knows what will take its place.
--where I lived for 15 years. No, wait. Twenty-six! (Jesus.) It's not as Republican as you think--although, as in Python's account of cannibalism in the Royal Navy, it IS to some extent.
Until it began to leak visibly, the GOP bottled up much that was toxic in our public life. The vessel may fracture outright (or altright), but the poisons ain’t going away.
I don't mean to give away the full savage implications of the design, but allowme to point to the gloriously subtle ""Squatters-to-Pee Rights” campaign" -- which marries the two obsessions of the right: bathrooms & homeless people having to pee outside, doing so through well-chosen diction & a double meaning. This is a pretty good example of what Gramsci talks about how ideology works through controlling language (it was a diagnosis, Tucker Carlson, not a how-to ). And it ties up the satire in a neat little bow made of razor wire. Master class in how satire is written good.
Want to know how dumb but entitled people are? Watch ‘em drive in a snow storm. OT but not really. Slippery roads and whiteout conditions bring out the “What, me worry?” demographic that also votes for wackos like Greene.
Oh yeah. The kind who even in the Upper Midwest should have known better since childhood, who go out on icy roads in blizzards because their gigantic SUV makes them invincible. See, whiteouts and ice don’t affect you if you’re driving a vehicle that looks like the bastard offspring of a school bus and a hearse! And if anything bad should ever happen, they’ve got a cell phone to call for help—not like in the old days where you could just (deservedly) freeze to death without demanding others endanger themselves to rescue you.
They forget that four wheel drive doesn't mean four wheel stop. (I lived most of my life in Minnesota, and for many years drove a 3-on-the-column Ford Falcon.)
My dad had one of this eFord Falcons. It fell out of 2nd if you didn’t hold the shift up. It also had a hole in the floor that allowed me to get splashed by a puddle while sitting in the passenger seat.
An anecdote that explains Massachusetts driving habits: I was coming back from New Hampshire (a friend was driving) when a severe thunderstorm hit. Visibility was as bad as in a snowstorm, the rain was coming down so heavily. Naturally there were several accidents. A Statie on the news the next day explained that accidents were caused by cautious people who slowed down in the storm, causing other drivers who didn't slow down to hit them from behind.
Are y'all sure there aren't real... whatevers out there just like these alleged parodies.
But I confess. I'm all for MTG as well as Cawthorn and Boebert. If these sick fucks can't turn off enough voters to the GOP, nothing will. And we'll be screwed for good.
Unfortunately for us, right now in Georgia the Repuglican-controlled state legislature is trying to end early and absentee voting. They want to make sure MTG's voters are the only ones who *can* vote.
I can't believe she had to get all the way to "Jewish Space Lasers" before people began to notice that she fell somewhere between "Batshit" and "Norman Bates" on the crazy scale.
Ivan lives up the road from me. He's home a lot. I figure that must be the ankle monitor. His wife works at the license bureau. He stays home with the kids. He likes watching the kids but he wishes they were blonde.
Mopsie has some serious issues.She thinks WAP stands for Worried About Psoriasis.
Favorite actual soundbite from supporter of M.T. Greene, she supports the Constitution. The woman happened to be missing one tooth visibly when she spoke. Missing tooth in a woman of a certain age ought to serve as a critique of available healthcare options but also begs the question, did the reporters or editors go looking for someone exactly like her? Stay tuned. Stay hip. Keep it simple. Your flatulent correspondent on the scene...
Ah, but who was history's biggest Constitution supporter? George Washington. And did he have all his original teeth? No, and I think you will find he improvised replacement teeth using things he found around the farm. Wood, tooth-shaped pebbles, harpsichord keys, cufflinks, hay, dense lint, mahjong tiles, etc. This proves a 1:1 relationship between shoddy teeth and patriotism. In fact, anyone not visibly savaged by life hates America.
Great column as always, Roy, but there are a couple of things I have to point out.
“children can get all the book-learning they need from the Bible and Harry Potter; those books are available through Amazon, and I have verified that Jeff Bezos is not a lizard person, unlike Mark Zuckerberg.”
1. The Christian right hates Harry Potter for all the occult stuff, or at least they used to. Has J.K. Rowling's transphobia changed that?
2. I thought the MAGAts loathed Bezos because his Washington Post dared to criticize Dear Leader. But then, he's not part of (((a certain group))) that Zuckerberg belongs to...
1. I'm sure Rowlings' TERFiness would help. Plus Potter books are probably among the few books these people have read. Remember, everything they like is conservative. 2. (((exactly)). Also she probably likes her Prime membership.
I would argue that the HP books are pretty liberal - or at least teach liberal lessons like distrusting authority, following your conscience, kicking up not down, organizing the downtrodden. I think the books taught those lessons better than Rowling learned them.
Like right wingers know anything about TERFiness, but they've hated HP for 20+ years -- getting their kids to read and think and realize there are books outside the Bible.
In 1979 I joined a cadre of wiseguys and -gals to write The 80s: A Look Back, a parody of the Time-Life books about decades. We pretended it was 1990 and we reviewed the previous ten years. Sometime in that (fictional) decade the job of serving in Congress became so degraded and embarrassing, only lunatics ran for and won seats. It became known as The Congress of Nuts.
So we were 40 years premature. Not bad, considering.
Well, you have heard it said in former times: 'There‘s danger in emotional ties.' The questions now are 'Whose?' and 'For whom?'. The answer may well determine whether or not crazy ladies* get us on the run.
If these people were all from Pittsburgh this could be Salena Zito's next column about former Democrats she met at the gas station and miniature golf complex.
I don't know, merely reprinting GOP press releases seems like a kind of lazy way to go, but then it is a Monday.
Why not? After all MSM does it all the time.
Cathy hated Mondays too
Ack!
IRVING!
Hitler killed himself on a Monday…but I don't know how that tilts the modern G.O.P.'s attitude toward them.
Another laugh out loud entry. Not only funny, but skates frighteningly close to reality.
I really think that Marjorie Taylor Greene may be what breaks my brain – even though I realize how far out there conservatives are at this point and time, when I hear shit like Jewish space lasers part of my mind goes “no, she can’t be for real, she’s got to be doing a bit, nobody that insane could wind up in Congress” and yet here we are.
The GOP has no choice but to continue down Lunatic Highway. The base demands it, and demands that each candidate be ever-more-insane. We all thought it was funny when Christine O'Donnell ran for senate and talked about witches. She lost. Now comes Greene talking about Jewish space lasers, and she won. By 2024, we'll be looking back fondly at a more innocent time when Republicans only believed in Jewish space lasers.
I fear you are right. Lots of people have mistakenly predicted it for the past 10 or 15 years, but we may now actually be living through the death of one of the country’s two major political parties. Good riddance, I guess? Because who knows what will take its place.
“What rough beast/it’s hour come round at last/ slouches toward Bethlehem..”
..PA."
--where I lived for 15 years. No, wait. Twenty-six! (Jesus.) It's not as Republican as you think--although, as in Python's account of cannibalism in the Royal Navy, it IS to some extent.
What was a dazzling urbanite like you doing in a rustic setting like that?
Until it began to leak visibly, the GOP bottled up much that was toxic in our public life. The vessel may fracture outright (or altright), but the poisons ain’t going away.
Once Pandora's box is opened...
All too true.
I don't mean to give away the full savage implications of the design, but allowme to point to the gloriously subtle ""Squatters-to-Pee Rights” campaign" -- which marries the two obsessions of the right: bathrooms & homeless people having to pee outside, doing so through well-chosen diction & a double meaning. This is a pretty good example of what Gramsci talks about how ideology works through controlling language (it was a diagnosis, Tucker Carlson, not a how-to ). And it ties up the satire in a neat little bow made of razor wire. Master class in how satire is written good.
Thank you, too kind, etc.
..just don’t ask me to paean the “Pee-on” Peons..
Want to know how dumb but entitled people are? Watch ‘em drive in a snow storm. OT but not really. Slippery roads and whiteout conditions bring out the “What, me worry?” demographic that also votes for wackos like Greene.
Oh yeah. The kind who even in the Upper Midwest should have known better since childhood, who go out on icy roads in blizzards because their gigantic SUV makes them invincible. See, whiteouts and ice don’t affect you if you’re driving a vehicle that looks like the bastard offspring of a school bus and a hearse! And if anything bad should ever happen, they’ve got a cell phone to call for help—not like in the old days where you could just (deservedly) freeze to death without demanding others endanger themselves to rescue you.
They forget that four wheel drive doesn't mean four wheel stop. (I lived most of my life in Minnesota, and for many years drove a 3-on-the-column Ford Falcon.)
My dad had one of this eFord Falcons. It fell out of 2nd if you didn’t hold the shift up. It also had a hole in the floor that allowed me to get splashed by a puddle while sitting in the passenger seat.
Rocking a stick shift vehicle back and forth to get it unstuck from the snow is a lost art, for sure.
An anecdote that explains Massachusetts driving habits: I was coming back from New Hampshire (a friend was driving) when a severe thunderstorm hit. Visibility was as bad as in a snowstorm, the rain was coming down so heavily. Naturally there were several accidents. A Statie on the news the next day explained that accidents were caused by cautious people who slowed down in the storm, causing other drivers who didn't slow down to hit them from behind.
Are y'all sure there aren't real... whatevers out there just like these alleged parodies.
But I confess. I'm all for MTG as well as Cawthorn and Boebert. If these sick fucks can't turn off enough voters to the GOP, nothing will. And we'll be screwed for good.
Unfortunately for us, right now in Georgia the Repuglican-controlled state legislature is trying to end early and absentee voting. They want to make sure MTG's voters are the only ones who *can* vote.
I can't believe she had to get all the way to "Jewish Space Lasers" before people began to notice that she fell somewhere between "Batshit" and "Norman Bates" on the crazy scale.
Ivan lives up the road from me. He's home a lot. I figure that must be the ankle monitor. His wife works at the license bureau. He stays home with the kids. He likes watching the kids but he wishes they were blonde.
Mopsie has some serious issues.She thinks WAP stands for Worried About Psoriasis.
"I don't have a policy for that, I just like saying it."
Bravo, Mr. Edroso. Bravo.
If that's the future, I'm glad I'm old.
Favorite actual soundbite from supporter of M.T. Greene, she supports the Constitution. The woman happened to be missing one tooth visibly when she spoke. Missing tooth in a woman of a certain age ought to serve as a critique of available healthcare options but also begs the question, did the reporters or editors go looking for someone exactly like her? Stay tuned. Stay hip. Keep it simple. Your flatulent correspondent on the scene...
Ah, but who was history's biggest Constitution supporter? George Washington. And did he have all his original teeth? No, and I think you will find he improvised replacement teeth using things he found around the farm. Wood, tooth-shaped pebbles, harpsichord keys, cufflinks, hay, dense lint, mahjong tiles, etc. This proves a 1:1 relationship between shoddy teeth and patriotism. In fact, anyone not visibly savaged by life hates America.
Those embedded parody reporters going into groups of these fuckers are revealing increasingly bizarre behavior, worse than even four months ago.
Great column as always, Roy, but there are a couple of things I have to point out.
“children can get all the book-learning they need from the Bible and Harry Potter; those books are available through Amazon, and I have verified that Jeff Bezos is not a lizard person, unlike Mark Zuckerberg.”
1. The Christian right hates Harry Potter for all the occult stuff, or at least they used to. Has J.K. Rowling's transphobia changed that?
2. I thought the MAGAts loathed Bezos because his Washington Post dared to criticize Dear Leader. But then, he's not part of (((a certain group))) that Zuckerberg belongs to...
1. I'm sure Rowlings' TERFiness would help. Plus Potter books are probably among the few books these people have read. Remember, everything they like is conservative. 2. (((exactly)). Also she probably likes her Prime membership.
I would argue that the HP books are pretty liberal - or at least teach liberal lessons like distrusting authority, following your conscience, kicking up not down, organizing the downtrodden. I think the books taught those lessons better than Rowling learned them.
Like right wingers know anything about TERFiness, but they've hated HP for 20+ years -- getting their kids to read and think and realize there are books outside the Bible.
You're not even joking, are you?
In 1979 I joined a cadre of wiseguys and -gals to write The 80s: A Look Back, a parody of the Time-Life books about decades. We pretended it was 1990 and we reviewed the previous ten years. Sometime in that (fictional) decade the job of serving in Congress became so degraded and embarrassing, only lunatics ran for and won seats. It became known as The Congress of Nuts.
So we were 40 years premature. Not bad, considering.
So it's your fault is what you're saying?
Fault...credit...let's not quibble about semantics.
Well, you have heard it said in former times: 'There‘s danger in emotional ties.' The questions now are 'Whose?' and 'For whom?'. The answer may well determine whether or not crazy ladies* get us on the run.
*(of any gender or none)
If these people were all from Pittsburgh this could be Salena Zito's next column about former Democrats she met at the gas station and miniature golf complex.
Too, too true.