112 Comments
Sep 30, 2021Liked by Roy Edroso

I don't know what this says about me, but I think the most remarkable thing about this story is the fact that parents exist who decided it was a good idea to name their daughter "Trashelle."

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Sep 30, 2021Liked by Roy Edroso

As the Romans used to say, “nomen omen”.

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They probably meant that to be a "c" instead of an "s".

When I saw Noem's daughter was named "Kassidy" I said " Of course."

I just Google Noem to get Kassidy's name spelled right and the number one Google choice is " Noem Lewandowski"

Ha!

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Sep 30, 2021Liked by Roy Edroso

Remember Palin's kids? What were they, like, Thump, Bump, and Brytanee or some shit?

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I have remember being horrified that our politics featured the Palin clan in a staring role.

Now that seems quaint.

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Staring? I turned away in horror.

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I don't know if Trick or Berm was my favorite.

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Tagg, Willow, Twig, Blonk, Flerg, and Stump, I think.

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There was Bristol, named after where she was conceived -- in a Bristol airplane

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So they were named by Don Martin?

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Do their feet bend in the middle, too?

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You forgot the one named after tits. (Yes, I know.)

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You’d think they’d save that for twins

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Sleepy, Happy, Dopey, Sneezy, Progesterone, Nimrod and Trigger.

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They all could be dopey

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You forgot Methalina. Everyone forgets Methalina.

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All you can see is the decaying teeth

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Dumbo.

No, wait- Dumbo flew...

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Okay, who was the anti-Trick Or Treating mommy culture warrior who Tbogg used to constantly fuck with the names of her children? We were all so innocent then. I remember thinking the Freeway Blogger might just have something.

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Okay, once you mentioned it I had to find it. A little overheating of the brain came up with her last name and Google took if from there. It was Meghan Cox Gurdon, who wrote a column called "The Fever Swamp" at NRO. Her children were Molly, Phoebe, Violet, Flora, and Paris (the boy).

TBogg, who dubbed her Americas Worst Mom™, would rename her children things like Wasabi, Asphyxia Mae, and Vato, among a zillion others. Good times.

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Thanks for doing this. Good times indeed

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Thank you! That's her, yes. Wow, Megans seem to be a mess.

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I hope Paris marries a woman named Helen and they argue condoms, replicating the Trojan Wars

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Sep 30, 2021Liked by Roy Edroso

And Noehm has to lean on a state official to get Kassidy a real estate appraiser's licence? What's the problem, Kassidy, was Real Estate Appraisers School too tough for ya?

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Just think how utterly worthless and lazy that faildaughter has to be. Then again, Kristi had to get SDSU to give her a degree that she somehow “earned” while a congresscritter because she couldn’t accomplish it on her own.

The apple doesn’t fall far from the horse.

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Thanks for "The apple doesn't fall far from the horse", can promise I'll be stealing that.

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Some schools will give you credit for practical experience

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Still not seeing how Noem qualifies. How many credits can you award for laziness and grifting?

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120 semester hours -- that is like 9 months of 24/7 lazy grifting

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Kassidy should have followed the example of that other useless political scion and set up her own board to certify her.

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Look! I can tell you the market value of any home! [types zillow.com into browser]

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I know a couple of realtors—and no, I will never capitalize the word—who detest Zillow with, as they say, the heat of a thousand suns. I don’t take it seriously myself, except as a rough gauge of price trends, but if the site is to be believed I could now unload The Crumbling Manse™, a 1908 craftsman, for a bit over a million bucks.

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And Noem’s husband Byron, like the famous peot.

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Sep 30, 2021Liked by Roy Edroso

Oops, Bryon

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Sep 30, 2021Liked by Roy Edroso

Literally LOL at "peot"

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Me too. It's the most improbable element, and yet it's the only one we know is true.

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Kind of like "Cinderella" - she was called that because she had to sleep in the ashes of the fireplace. Trashelle was probably in charge of taking the garbage out.

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And now the garbage wants to take <i>her</i> out.

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I have to assume it’s pronounced “truh-SHELL”, but still: can’t the parents see how it scans?

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They were Hooked on Phonics long before they were hooked on meth.

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I used to work with a girl named Lazanya whose parents did not anticipate that it sounded exactly like Lasagna, so maybe not every baby is named using the same intensive "how will this get made fun of" process that led me to engineer the perfect name for my potential child, Invincidor Tiberius gromet. (If a girl, then Invincidina.)

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Salve, fili Grometis!

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Vince? You should go with Wallace gromet

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Gonna guess we were all wondering that

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Sep 30, 2021Liked by Roy Edroso

Her siblings are Sluttercup, Pricardo, and Douchellina.

(Whoever is writing the insane script we are all living in, please take it down a notch will you?)

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Sep 30, 2021Liked by Roy Edroso

"DOUCHELLINA" I am dead lmao

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Sep 30, 2021Liked by Roy Edroso

"That's Il Douchelina" mutters Mussolini's ghost.

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It just gets better! So this afternoon the latest news in the ongoing saga is Noem has cut ties with Cory, politically speaking. Her communications director was quick to note "Corey was always a volunteer, never paid a dime — campaign or official,"

Got it - he never not paid- with money. Anyway the Communications Director's name is , swear to God, Ian Fury.

Ian Fury. You know he's fucked up with a comic book name like that. Might as well have named him Thor.

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"Never got paid -"

On one hand, I hate not being able to edit. On the other hand, I can curse like a motherfucker here.

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Oh my god, Ian Fury and the Blockheads. Somebody tell Ian if he announces Corey wasn't being paid, then it definitely seems more likely they were fucking, lol.

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I do NOT want to see his rhythm stick, thankyouverymuch.

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LOL

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Her staff of flunkies is always so plausible when they lie. Eventually being so lazy and sloppy that you don’t care who knows if you’re lying is going to catch up with—oh who am I kidding? I’ve seen what floats to the top in our politics.

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My step-brother-in-law is named Thor. Ian Fury ftw, though.

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Any odds that they had a 'G-d Don’t Make No Junk!' poster hanging in plain view all the while?

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I will no doubt run into someone and think " Degenerate fucking crumb bum" and it's sad that I even know people like that. At least though, now I have the perfect phrase to describe them!

I've decided to focus on seeing things in a positive light.

The Inner circle - Landowsk, Stone, Manifort, Bannon. They are all the same kind of amoral degenerate piece of shit. Like Trump.

I love the sense of claustrophobia in the scenes from the auxiliary White House. Well done!

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Sep 30, 2021Liked by Roy Edroso

As if Trump was ever going to surround himself with any other kind of people.

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There were a lot of people excited to see our CEO president build his Mangement

Team.

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Yeah, I remember "But he has smart friends" as an actual reason we should vote for W.

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Just runnin' the gummint like a business.

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Not everyone knows this but Of the Founding Father's, Lincoln, Andrew Jackson and that beer guy - Mick Lobe? Sam Adam's? Yeah, Sam Adam's- all had their MBA's.

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Thanks. You know, something just now occurs to me - and I didn't think of it this way or predetermine it, i just followed the character logic as I saw it: while Trump intimates and even beats up politicians, guys like Bannon, Lewandowski, and Stone don't really cringe in his presence. I think it because they're professional relationships, and even if Trump forgets it, these guys never do. (I think I had Stone sacrificing himself for Tubby once, but only because he's nuts.)

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The Usual Suspects.

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Sep 30, 2021Liked by Roy Edroso

Have to say it: “Good night, Mrs. Calabash, wherever you are.”

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https://youtu.be/EWN97q7xtDE

When I googled this, in the "People also ask-"

section one of the topics was "Is Q dating Mrs. Calabas?"

Things are pretty weird.

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Sep 30, 2021Liked by Roy Edroso

That Post story about Noehm and Lewandowski has so many wonderful details, like the donor's trophy wife's name is "Trashelle", and that Noehm strong-armed a state official to get her daughter a real estate appraiser's license, which is now being investigated by South Dakota Attorney General Jason "Hit n' Run" Ravnsborg.

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Look, he's explained all that. He thought it was a deer with glasses.

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I’m rooting for injuries.

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The dude Ravnsborg hit is dead. Does that count?

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Jason "Who stole my vowel" Ravnsborg

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"Wally the Near-Sighted Deer" was one of my favorite children's books.

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If he loses his Attorney General job, he can always drive for Blessed.

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(Just go ahead and rename South Dakota "MiniTrumpland".)

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Hey, it’s bad enough here already!

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You'll know when Carl Hiaasen moves there and starts cackling over his keyboard.

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First state to go when President Harris starts returning stolen lands to Native Americans.

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Massachusetts?

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"DIBS: [Nodding as he reads] Mushrooms."

Chef's kiss...

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Great stuff!

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Just yesterday I was reading someone's no-less-uninformed-than-anyone-else's speculation that some RWNJ opponent of Noem was spreading the rumor as oppo, and thinking "I do not know if this is true, but fuck whoever it was for making me think about it."

And here's YOU with TRUMP in the picture. I'm entertained but nauseated.

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DeathSentence in Florida probably

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Seems likely, but I wouldn't turn my back on Abbot.

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He might try to roll coal and then run you down like he was a Houston-area teen and you were a bicyclist

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I just fucking can't. If this little fucker doesn't go to jail, they're gonna groom him for congress while he does a call in show. He's gotten a taste for blood now. We've seen what Owning the Libs can lead to. It's a mass-fatality tantrum disorder.

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I'm probably letting them off the hook with "tantrum", but I don't think BLM crosswalk guy went "Hey, I'm gonna plow into these people with my kids here because I can get away with it." I think he went there to show the kids and the wife how brave he is and how safe they are with him and to have an audience for his calm and his wit. Because you know he was narrating and pontificating right up until he rolled into his victim.

At that point I think he was legitimately acting on instinct, but not the kind of instinct birds have. You generally are born into this soup of racism and classism and identity-seeking and selfishness, but most of us kind of have to go out of our way to find the stuff that twists our caution into the kind of paranoia you have to work at every second.

But once you're there, I'm guessing you spend a lot of time feeling bad because humans mostly do and nobody's diving into Q for fun. And you probably have fantasies where you don't have to feel bad, because you're the hero. And for some people those fantasies are violently defending their families against monsters. But that means if you ever do find yourself in that situation, you're likely to react violently and hey, you happen to have thought through some of your next options.

So while I believe he was scared as soon as he hit someone, I don't believe he was irrational about it. Rehearsed, maybe. Dissociating, likely, at some point. Absolutely murderous? Yes.

We joke that they're desperate for the coming civil war, but they are. And it makes them unhinged. And I don't know if that's ableism, but I am absolutely pathologizing this. They're con victims who've turned into abuse victims who've turned into abusers, and for some of them, they need to tell themselves stories about how they're the good guys or at least the unbowed victims.

So, I don't know what you call that legally, but it's not unpremeditated, and you don't get to call that "inexperience" or "fear for his family" or anything else.

And it's more than likely I'm conflating a couple of different car incidents, which, you know? Makes it worse.

I don't know what the fuck is going on in Tennessee this week, but Jesus.

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"They're con victims who've turned into abuse victims who've turned into abusers"

When I was about 6, I stepped on a bee while barefoot. For a while after, I deliberately stepped on bees (while shod!), to prove I wasn't afraid of them. These fuckers are afraid of losing their perceived status, whether it's over liberals or women or minorities, and act out to show that they're not really afraid, they really are the strong ones. Of course, I grew out of being 6.

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Funny stuff Roy! What's really funny is all these fuckers are going to be running the country again come 2025. That'll be hilarious.

Watching the democrats implode and fuck their own agenda isn't helping my mood.

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It is their brand, after all...

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I'm not accepting "democrats implode and fuck their own agenda" until someone can show me documentary evidence that Kristen Sinema is actually a Democrat.

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LOL - she'll switch to Republican as soon as it's convenient I guess.

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As soon as a primary challenger beats her. Does Arizona have sore loser laws? I don't suppose they'd prevent you from running as the other actual party. They usually just stop you from third party and write in runs.

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Oh, that's years away - I think she'll just start caucusing the fascist party after the dems go down in 2022. That's what a no principles person would do.

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Yeah, I think my optimism got away from me there.

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As for Manchin, if he came out tomorrow and said, "Here's what I'm for, and it costs a trillion dollars", every Democrat in D.C. would drop to their knees to pleasure him orally. Just give us a fucking number, Joe. But Joe won't give us a number, because Joe's number is zero. How dare those unreasonable progressives refuse to take zero as an answer.

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Joe is a true believer in austerity economics. I'm sure he thinks government debt is just like household debt. He vaguely remember household debt from hearing his mom and dad talk about when he was young

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Oh, Christ, is he one of those idiots who was traumatized by inflation at a formative age and never got over it? "It's the worst thing ever! It must be prevented no matter who suffers!"

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Well he was born in 1947, so high inflation was when he was like 30

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I suppose this makes Greenspan--1926, and how is the fucker still alive?--slightly more understandable, but it's still preserving your standard of comfort over that of everyone else's.

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He's still traumatized by the experience of having to take a wheelbarrow full of currency to the market to buy his first coal mine.

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He is also a coal magnate so all these reconciliation & tax increases affect him directly.

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OF course I had to look for it. https://www.amazon.com/Schnozzola-story-Durante-Gene-Fowler/dp/0670620807

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I had to google "Macadam piano" from yesterday's masterpiece and found this wondrous thing:

https://www.macadampiano.com/en/what-it-is

I doubt that's what Roy had in mind, but I don't really care.

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I bet that's exactly what Roy had in mind. Some kind of piano on wheels, anyway.

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Okay, here's today's Genius Idea: Remember when I said, the other day, that someone should use Trump's 45th President of the United States memo letterhead, and issue bogus "statements" from him? That someone is Roy, and the text should be this and other Trump play scripts. Just send them out onto the internet and let them find their way.

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author

That IS a good idea.

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That is an AWESOME idea

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Oh no, you'll incur the wrath of Snopes!

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Sep 30, 2021Liked by Roy Edroso

You always do the closure line so well. Mushroom pizza right after the latest story about Trump's mushroom penis referenced in Stephanie Grisham's new book. Hilarious.

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